12/31/2003

e-mail from dad
HAPPY NEW YEAR 2004 TO BOTH AND BE SAFE AND WATCHFUL AND ALERT AROUND!!!
MOM & DAD NOW CHINA IS 2004 ALREADY

12/30/2003

personal statement
My personal statement for grad school is KILLING me. I've written at least 5 versions, all of which are horrible and awkward. Once I finish this piece, the rest of the application process is a piece of cake. My personal deadline for finishing it is Jan 1, 2004 because my first application is due Jan 15 and I'm going to be busy this month. So I have a little over 24 hours. It's shaping up, but I'm still very uncertain. I hope this doesn't indicate my uncertainty about grad school. I guess I shouldn't question myself so much. When I was at home, my friend really questioned me about going to grad school and I don't think I gave "good enough" answers. It's like a competition where the other competitors try and sike you out before the competition. I think I'm my own worst competitor, though.

12/28/2003

home
Home was good. It almost always is. The day after Christmas I spent catching up with friends, spending time at 3 different coffee places with three different sets of friends as well as eating some good dim sum with family friends. It's nice to reconnect with friends and drink lots of chai lattes (yum).

It was nice to also reconnect with my extended family. My scary cousin brought his girlfriend so I was less scared of him and actually had a few good laughs with him. I don't know why my cousin is so scary to me... I guess I always feel like he has this "I can kick your ass" sort of look in his eyes. I was even less afraid of his mom, my aunt. She's one of my "crazy aunts who married into my family" (we have many of these). She was less crazy this Christmas and even went so far as to tell me I looked skinny, even though she normally tells me I'm too fat. Yes, she is crazy.

So now I'm back. Sigh. Life goes on.

12/23/2003

merry christmas
"Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart."

May the celebration of Jesus's birth give you peace this week.

12/21/2003

no aliens in my room
One of my bedtime preparation rituals is to get a drink of water before I hit the sack. Because of this, there are always at least 2-4 glasses of water, half full, on the dresser next to my bed. I'm like the little girl from Signs. Maybe that's why I haven't been bothered by those pesky aliens.

12/20/2003

M-R-S.
The cast from Mona Lisa Smile was on Oprah this afternoon. They were discussing women and the lack of choices women in the 50's had versus now as it's portrayed in the movie. Oprah highlighted a girl and her mother in the audience who both had differing ideas of what the girl should be and do. The girl said that if she had her choice, she would trade her engineering degree so that she could marry and raise a family. Her mom wanted her to pursue a career. She went to/still attends Northwestern. I was like, WHAT?! Kirsten Dunst kept telling her emphatically that she could do both, but the girl was under the impression that since engineering is so competitive, she wouldn't be able to do both. I guess I can see her point. However, I'm kind of troubled by the fact that she's an NU grad because I'm sure her parents spent a ton of money on her education. In some ways, it doesn't surprise me.

During my brief stint as a sorority girl, I remember the ceremonies we would have (almost every week) that announced the engagement or "pinning" (yes, they still do that) of a sister. I'm not aloud to divulge the details of the ceremony, but let's just say that they had to do with singing a really cheesy song (that I never learned the words for) and passing a candle. Anyway, if you saw our silly ceremony and didn't know that we were attending one of the top universities in the nation, you would assume that our main focus for attending school was earning our MRS. degree. I know one of the girls in my class got married (against the wishes of her parents) in her junior year.

Anyway, I'm not going to say that the girl or the mom was right in their viewpoints; you can't blame a girl for having dreams that you don't. I just think it's a waste to go to such an expensive school to find a guy who is probably going to be in debt after college anyway. You minus well go to a state/public school. There are more guys at state schools and they probably won't be in debt. If you like those rich kids, just go stalk the local private college. Don't waste your dough on an overpriced education if you're more interested in leaving college with a ring on your finger than a diploma in your pocket.

12/18/2003


Last night we were standing in line to watch Lord of the Rings and I overheard a brief conversation between a couple of people behind us. It went somthing like this:

A woman says: "Yeah, we're nerds..." (Silence) "WHAT?!!!" Her friend behind her says: "Nothing! Hey, I'm the guy standing behind you wearing pointy ears and a cape."

I thought it was pretty amusing.

12/17/2003

my new friend
My impromptu trip to Ikea today resulted in the purchase of a lot of random items, including a plant and a pot. I have a brown (versus green) thumb when it comes to nurturing God's creation (I hope this doesn't spill into my potential for child-rearing), but I bought the dang thing anyway. The worst part was that I bought it because I really liked the pretty purple pot. It matches my bedroom decor. How shallow is that? I'm going to try and take care of the little guy as long as I can, but I'm not promising anything. Everyone who hangs out at my apartment is going to have to remind to take care of it.

Maybe I should name it. I don't have any more stuffed animals since they were all taken away by the evil apartment disaster, so I don't have any inanimate objects that I can name. Oh, Herbert, Domokun, Totoro... *sigh* I miss them. I had many good moments with each of them. Don't get me wrong. I'm not a crazy stuffed animal fiend. But they were with me during a lot of tough times. Now I have a nice little plant in a cute little pot.

12/16/2003

charlotte sometimes
Back to my normal topic of conversation: media. I just finished watching Charlotte Somtimes. It was out in the theaters after the BLT hoopla, but I never got around to watching it. I even met the director at last year's film festival (which was kinda awkward because I had nothing to say to him). Wow. It's pretty amazing. I didn't think the movie would be that thought-provoking. The characters don't say much, but there's so much going on. It made me think about how emotionally stunted we are sometimes... how we put up walls and stuff. Okay, I'm using we... maybe not we, but... Anyway, I watched the q&a on the DVD and one of the actresses was speaking about being Asian American and dealing with emotional stuff. Anyway, it was a great movie that's keeping me up until 2am thinking.

The only challenge I had with watching the movie was that I couldn't turn off the Spanish subtitles. So I watched the entire movie with the subtitles on. Sometimes, when the actors were speaking really quietly, I'd read the subtitles and try to decipher the dialogue. Unfortunately, I took French in high school.

12/14/2003

my stomach and God
Last night I woke up to a lot of stomach pain. It didn't go away when I woke up... and, although it got better when I ate mashed potatoes and a biscuit at church, the pain persisted. It went away (or I ignored it) when I gorged myself at Palace Buffet, but now it's back with a vengeance. What is it trying to tell me? Unlike a magic 8 ball, I can't just shake it and get an answer. I guess I'll just take some tums and see if it tells me something.

On a more thought-provoking note, I thought that this Sunday's sermon really spoke to me on a lot of levels. God wants us to be whole. Being whole is such a deep concept that I never really thought about until recently. It reminds me of Psalm 103, a chapter that I often rely on during my low points:

"Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits -- who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's" -- Psalm 103:2-5

It's weird that I spent the entire week posting about tv shows and only one day writing about God and my faith. I guess it's easier to write about this than about matters of the heart. The paranoid side of me wouldn't want to share because, dude, it's the internet and I don't know what wackos are reading this site. But that might be more reason to write about God's love and grace, right? It's hard to be an ambassador.
still on the couch
Sometimes after watching SNL, I don't feel tired so I stay up and continue watching tv. Unfortunately there's nothing good on tv and I end up watching She Spies until I can't tolerate it (which is usually about 5 minutes). This week Evan Marriot, the guy from the first Joe Millionaire is on the show. Wow, how low can you go? It just reaffirms for me how lame She Spies is... it's pretty painful.

On another note, I think Maya Rudolph is pretty funny. Wake Up Wakefield is my favorite sketch. Jimmy Fallon's impression of John Mayer was pretty dang funny too. Jimmy Fallon is on my cute-boy-on-tv list with Michael Vartan.

12/13/2003

oh the exciting life i lead
Conan O'Brian is on. That means I've been sitting in the same seat since before Miss Match. Yes, it's Friday night and time is right. Right for what? Right for sitting on my behind in my pjs, watching tv, writing Friendster testimonials and listening to minsoo's insanely long radio interview. [Check it out on UC Davis's college radio page... if you have an hour to spare.] You would think that since I'm single (in a relationship, but not married, i mean), in my prime (meaning 25) and sociable (sometimes), that Friday night would be the night I get all dressed up and step out. In actuality, I'm spending this evening alternating between my papa-san chair, the kitchen and the bathroom (the latter two trips cancelling themselves out).

I know that it's not all about going out every weekend, and to be honest, I'm too poor to be stepping out like 50 cent all the time. However, I would like to be able to say that I spent my 20s being social, instead of hiding out in my apartment. I don't know whether it's my non-partying friends or the fact that I have a boyfriend (and thus am expected to always have some exciting social event to attend), but sometimes my slow social life makes me miss those college days. Yes, I'm talking about those days when we'd make up special occasions in order to justify why we were going out on a monday night instead of pretending to study at Norris. Now, I spend most of the time deciding whether or not we should go to the starbucks on Hamilton or the starbucks on San Tomas -- if in fact we actually decide we're going to be "social" and go out. It's sad when my friend Leslie says, indirectly referring to my illustrious social life: "I don't think I've ever seen you dress up."

Maybe I'll pretend that my apartment is a club and turn on windows media player to bust out some cool tunes while I try out my new beyonce-like moves. Wow, now that I've written this, there is NO way I am going to do this. I guess I'll just finish my tea and then go to sleep. Yes, just call me grandma.

12/10/2003

more "reality"
Ugh, so I'm watching Trista and Ryan's wedding. I don't know why. I already saw the Law and Order on right now so I flipped around and hit the wedding ceremony. And I couldn't stop watching. I never watched the Bachelorette so the only thing I know about these people is that they're good looking and getting married on national tv. It's so sickening. So now they're dancing to a song created from a poem that Ryan wrote. It's making me teary eyed, I don't know why. Ugh, now they're playing flashbacks. It's cute and all, but dude, I would never want my wedding on national tv. It's weird because I'm not even totally convinced that they're really going to last once the tv cameras are gone. She seems to really like the limelight. Yum, wedding cake. Sometimes TV is evil.

12/08/2003

ack, average joe... shmoe
I just spent the entire evening lounging on my couch. I chatted with a few friends on the phone and then watched the oh-so-painful Average Joe. Why do I waste my time on this junk? Like most of the people who follow the show, I was sad to learn that pretty boy won the girl. The Average Joe guy was totally nice about it, too, which made it even more painful to watch. I'm sure that "average" guy is going to get a lot of girls now that he's been on the show. Sorry about this entry, I guess I digress.

anyway...
Things that have recently irked me:
- Drivers in the left lane who slow down at a red and don't allow cars behind them to get in the left lane before the left turn light changes to red.
- Boys who make my girl friends cry (grrr!)
- Winter allergies (or what I think are winter allergies)
- Comcast changing the discovery channel to some station that plays commercials and the tv listings
- Keanu Reeves' voice
- thinking too much about dumb things

Things that I like right now:
- Sheryl Crow's greatest hits CD
- Finding Nemo (yes, I still love it)
- tea
- talking to old friends
- Vaughn from Alias/Michael Vartan (soooo cute!)
- Monograms
- Love Actually

12/07/2003

more grad school talk
I'm back from a very brief trip to LA for a UcLA Urban Planning school workshop on writing the statement of purpose for the application. It was insightful in many ways. After today I'm also considering adding NYU to the mix of schools I'm applying to. It's scary to think about relocating again. It's not just the physical act of packing up my belongings and calling up my old friends at U-HAUL... it's also about personal growth and change. I'm still reeling from moving up to the bay area and it's already been 3 years. I wish I adapted more quickly to change in my life. Why is it so hard?

12/02/2003

going postal
While I was waiting in line at the post office today, an older man at the counter started shouting at the clerk. First, he was mad about the price of a package and then he became irate when he was asked to show his picture ID after writing a check. It was really quiet in the office, but the guy was yelling loudly and waving his arms and hands. The clerk even yelled back. Everyone in line was watching, but trying not to stare. By the time I reached the front of the line, the man was still there. When he left, I was the next one to approach the clerk's station. The clerk's face was still red from yelling at the old man. I didn't know whether to mention it or not, so I just acted really polite and cheery so that he wouldn't feel so bad about rude customers. I felt bad for the old man, too. It's sad when they start acting rancorous and irrational.
trapped in a box
The last track on No Doubt's Singles album is from their first album before Tragic Kingdom. It reminds me of my days in high school, spending late nights at friends houses trying to finish our AP Chem assignments. When we got frustrated, we pretended to get into our imaginary boxes and try to mime our way out of them while screaming how we were trapped in a box. At the time I think I liked using this phrase to express my annoyance at my schoolwork. Now I think that phrase summed up a lot of my high school life. Last weekend, one of my friends gave me an odd complement by saying that he was glad I still had my humor. Apparently, during high school I was on the path to becoming "completely humorless." I guess I'm still as serious as I was in high school... maybe I just hide it better. Does that mean I'm still trapped in a box?

On a side note, I feel cruddy. It's rainy and icky and I feel icky too. Icky is my new favorite word. Icky!

11/30/2003

home and tv
I'm back from LA, where I spent Thanksgiving. It was nice to catch up with old friends and get updates on old classmates. Most of the people I spent time with this week shared my "wait, we're grown ups?" mentality, so we spent a lot of time scratching our heads over our married classmates. Some of the highlights included riding in my friend's new mini cooper and having people admire our ride (or were they noticing that I forgot to close my door?); another highlight was seeing a photo of my friend wearing Wolverine's costume from X2 during a DVD promotions party. Yes, my friends are still kids who like fun toys and dressing up.

It was also nice to watch my parents' direct TV. I racked up at least 24 hours of TLC-watching. I watched a few MTV shows and even some ice skating and Lakers, although these programs were forced upon me by my mom. Boy, I miss cable tv. I'm almost tempted to sign up for cable again. Maybe I'll just put it on my amazon wish list (can I do that?).

11/18/2003

blogging... and then something about our governor
Sometimes I sit in front of this blogger screen and write these long entries, only to erase them right after I'm done. I do this a lot and maybe that's why I don't write as often. I suppose the editor in me wonders if what I'm writing is relevant, appropriate and most importantly, cool enough for my loyal fans (ha!) -- all 2 of you. While it's just a place for me to write down my funny little stories and share thoughts, I often make it bigger than it needs to be. Gah, I think too much.

On a side note, our Governor cut the car registration fees. It's nice for new car owners (like me), but the money's going to have to come from somewhere. I guess it's nice that we have non-profit and social service agencies to take money from in order to make up for our fear of taxes. Since when did taxes become so evil? Oh yeah, it's when they convinced us that money grows on trees. Yes, I guess increasing the amount of Mercedes sold will help our state more than providing free after-school programs for kids in low-income areas. Okay, okay, too much sarcasm. Remind me to pray for the Governor.

11/13/2003

the cost of inaction
"Washing one's hands of the conflict between the powerful and the powerless means to side with the powerful, not to be neutral." - Paulo Freire