It's been a month since I started my new gig and I'm still the new kid on the block. My new workplace is larger than my old one so there are a lot more cliques. It almost feels like high school again.
Cue the adult acne! Maybe it's just stress but it seems particularly fitting that I'm experiencing the feelings of being the new kid in school while looking like I'm the new kid in school. It's like the first day of 9th grade all over again.
Exacerbating this new-kid-on-the-block feeling is the fact that most people I've been meeting through work ask me if I'm an intern/just finished school/going to school soon. I dress nicer to work than I did at my last job and I now even work with almost all Asians, but they STILL can't figure out how old I am. I'm assuming this will work in my favor in 20 years, but it's still kind of frustrating.
In fact as I was writing this, Minsoo came over and pointed out my chin zit. *sigh*
10/26/2010
8/09/2010
my man's man crush list
(over instant msgr)
Minsoo: David Beckham is coming to my office today.
Wai-Ling: what the what?
M: the Becks will be here. he will give a brief hello to everyone in attendance, then he'll field some questions.
W: dannnnggggg
M: I will be sure to take photooooos.
W: yes pleeeassssseeee. david beckham is a good looking man.
M: little by little, I will cross off all the names on my man-crush list. I've already met the D-Hen and 0bama. Becks is next. I've met Brad P1tt's missus, so that's close enough.
We will meet someday, Cl00ney.
W: ha ha haaaaaaa
Minsoo: David Beckham is coming to my office today.
Wai-Ling: what the what?
M: the Becks will be here. he will give a brief hello to everyone in attendance, then he'll field some questions.
W: dannnnggggg
M: I will be sure to take photooooos.
W: yes pleeeassssseeee. david beckham is a good looking man.
M: little by little, I will cross off all the names on my man-crush list. I've already met the D-Hen and 0bama. Becks is next. I've met Brad P1tt's missus, so that's close enough.
We will meet someday, Cl00ney.
W: ha ha haaaaaaa
8/05/2010
a cathartic entry about finally leaving my job
After 5 years, I've finally done it. I've worked up the confidence to leave the most unhealthy relationship I've ever had -- the one I have with my current job.
Why is it unhealthy? (Quote are based on actual thoughts I've had about my job/things I've actually said)
I have no work/life boundaries: Coworkers email me at odd hours because they don't bother working until 1am. And after working a full day, I still come home and answer their emails at all hours. I have also found it normal to get text messages at 11pm asking if I'm still awake so they can talk to me for another few hours. I do not manage large sums of money or heal sick people so there really should be no reason for me to jump when they call.
My self-confidence has been shattered: I come home from work filled with stories about how my coworkers belittled my work. And then I get onto my computer and do more work that will be belittled the next day. But of course, if I said anything about feeling belittled, they would belittle me and tell me that I'm just being silly.
I still seek approval, even though I never get any: I hate that my coworkers sometimes look down on me, but I want their approval so that I can be considered as "down" as they are. "Yes, I'm leaving for another job, but that job is as cool as this job... What, you don't think so? Wait, wait, lemme prove it to you!"
I'm in denial & make excuses for them: I've thought about quitting so many times, but then I think to myself, "But, they need me! If I don't stay, then who will x,y & z? " and "They're only mean because they care so much about the work!"
I have become co-dependent: "If I stay, I can make it better!"
While I love, believe in and respect the work (in theory) and will never publicly diss them, working there has taken a toll on my mental health. When I step back, I am proud of my accomplishments and the ability to have learned and accomplished work in such an unhealthy atmosphere. My org is well respected and I am honored to be a part of its work.
Having said all of that, I'm getting the hell out of there, bruised and battered, but stronger and a little bit crazier for having endured all of that.
Why is it unhealthy? (Quote are based on actual thoughts I've had about my job/things I've actually said)
I have no work/life boundaries: Coworkers email me at odd hours because they don't bother working until 1am. And after working a full day, I still come home and answer their emails at all hours. I have also found it normal to get text messages at 11pm asking if I'm still awake so they can talk to me for another few hours. I do not manage large sums of money or heal sick people so there really should be no reason for me to jump when they call.
My self-confidence has been shattered: I come home from work filled with stories about how my coworkers belittled my work. And then I get onto my computer and do more work that will be belittled the next day. But of course, if I said anything about feeling belittled, they would belittle me and tell me that I'm just being silly.
I still seek approval, even though I never get any: I hate that my coworkers sometimes look down on me, but I want their approval so that I can be considered as "down" as they are. "Yes, I'm leaving for another job, but that job is as cool as this job... What, you don't think so? Wait, wait, lemme prove it to you!"
I'm in denial & make excuses for them: I've thought about quitting so many times, but then I think to myself, "But, they need me! If I don't stay, then who will x,y & z? " and "They're only mean because they care so much about the work!"
I have become co-dependent: "If I stay, I can make it better!"
While I love, believe in and respect the work (in theory) and will never publicly diss them, working there has taken a toll on my mental health. When I step back, I am proud of my accomplishments and the ability to have learned and accomplished work in such an unhealthy atmosphere. My org is well respected and I am honored to be a part of its work.
Having said all of that, I'm getting the hell out of there, bruised and battered, but stronger and a little bit crazier for having endured all of that.
7/09/2010
need to get outta this place
i have a job interview in a few hours.
i would appreciate prayers, good thoughts and fingers crossed.
but first, going to watch 1ady gaga's performance on the today show.
i would appreciate prayers, good thoughts and fingers crossed.
but first, going to watch 1ady gaga's performance on the today show.
6/28/2010
tattoo rule #1, according to wai-ling
Minsoo (via IM): [sends me a link to j0n g0sse1in's new crazy-ugly dragon tattoo]
Wai-Ling: YUCK.
M: did read the line about "several korean translators"? guess who one of them wassssss
W: what? YOU???
M: indeed.
W:HA HA HAAAAAAAA. oh snap!
M: they used my expertise.
W: why would you EVER tattoo the name of your 23-yr old gf on your back? NEXT.TO.YOUR.CHILDREN. is that meant to be a list of his girlfriends?
that other scroll are the names of his skanks.
M: there's a lot of room left
W:so he's the dragon who holds a scroll of his kids and a scroll of his skanks.
M: left side, my kids. right side, my skanks.
W: totally.
M: it was written.
W: that's f'd up. get a NEW tattoo for your skanks. separate your kids from your skanks, is what my tattoo rule is. if i had one.
M: hahaqhaah
Wai-Ling: YUCK.
M: did read the line about "several korean translators"? guess who one of them wassssss
W: what? YOU???
M: indeed.
W:HA HA HAAAAAAAA. oh snap!
M: they used my expertise.
W: why would you EVER tattoo the name of your 23-yr old gf on your back? NEXT.TO.YOUR.CHILDREN. is that meant to be a list of his girlfriends?
that other scroll are the names of his skanks.
M: there's a lot of room left
W:so he's the dragon who holds a scroll of his kids and a scroll of his skanks.
M: left side, my kids. right side, my skanks.
W: totally.
M: it was written.
W: that's f'd up. get a NEW tattoo for your skanks. separate your kids from your skanks, is what my tattoo rule is. if i had one.
M: hahaqhaah
6/10/2010
sibling rivalry
I dislike the 1akers. But not for the reasons you might think.
I'm born and raised in the LA area so I really should like the hometown team. I'm not a huge basketball fan, so there's really no reason to hate the 1akers like I do. In fact, if anything, I should be totally indifferent, at best.
But I kinda hate them. And it has to do with one person in particular: My Mother.
My mom is a huge fan of the 1akers. Growing up, I really didn't know this. But when I, and then later, my sister, left for college, my mom was left with an empty nest and a lot of free time.
As a poor substitute for taking care of her lovely children, my mom started watching 1akers games religiously. Which was fine - at first.
But whenever I'd visit home, I'd notice that not only was she watching the games, but our home started to change. At the beginning, there were small changes -- a 1akers schedule on the fridge, for example.
Then I saw the car flags. And the bobbleheads.
And then it got bad. My mom stopped taking my phone calls. Okay, okay, so it was only during the games, but still. Here's how a typical conversation went:
Me: Hi mom! Wow, I had a bad day at work today. It was crazy! My boss...
Mom: Uh-huh yeah.
Me: Mom? Are you listening?
Mom: I'll call you back. *click*
And that's when she bothered to answer the phone.
I won't even get started on how much she knows about the players and the team, like she's their team mom. I feel like the 1akers have replaced us as her favorite. I feel like a jealous sibling, except that sibling is an entire basketball team.
So I write this today, on game 4 of the series with the Ce1tics to say one thing:
Goooo Boston!*
*Okay, so I'm not rooting for Boston because according to Minsoo, this will break my mom's heart. I just will not root at all.
I'm born and raised in the LA area so I really should like the hometown team. I'm not a huge basketball fan, so there's really no reason to hate the 1akers like I do. In fact, if anything, I should be totally indifferent, at best.
But I kinda hate them. And it has to do with one person in particular: My Mother.
My mom is a huge fan of the 1akers. Growing up, I really didn't know this. But when I, and then later, my sister, left for college, my mom was left with an empty nest and a lot of free time.
As a poor substitute for taking care of her lovely children, my mom started watching 1akers games religiously. Which was fine - at first.
But whenever I'd visit home, I'd notice that not only was she watching the games, but our home started to change. At the beginning, there were small changes -- a 1akers schedule on the fridge, for example.
Then I saw the car flags. And the bobbleheads.
And then it got bad. My mom stopped taking my phone calls. Okay, okay, so it was only during the games, but still. Here's how a typical conversation went:
Me: Hi mom! Wow, I had a bad day at work today. It was crazy! My boss...
Mom: Uh-huh yeah.
Me: Mom? Are you listening?
Mom: I'll call you back. *click*
And that's when she bothered to answer the phone.
I won't even get started on how much she knows about the players and the team, like she's their team mom. I feel like the 1akers have replaced us as her favorite. I feel like a jealous sibling, except that sibling is an entire basketball team.
So I write this today, on game 4 of the series with the Ce1tics to say one thing:
Goooo Boston!*
*Okay, so I'm not rooting for Boston because according to Minsoo, this will break my mom's heart. I just will not root at all.
5/31/2010
days since crying over work: 0
My memorial day weekend has officially ended with me, laying head on the table, in front of the computer, just off the phone arguing with a co-worker, sobbing, while minsoo pats me on the back trying to figure out what to say/do. It's Monday night of Memorial Day -- allegedly a day off of work.
All of the weekend rest that I got is officially out the window and I'm a stressed out mess. I should have just worked this weekend so I wouldn't have wasted time sleeping, eating, drinking and enjoying myself.
On the upside, I applied for a new job on Friday. Crossing my fingers and praying like crazy. If you do either, please feel free to join in too.
Tuesday is the new Monday. Too bad Mondays are the worst.
All of the weekend rest that I got is officially out the window and I'm a stressed out mess. I should have just worked this weekend so I wouldn't have wasted time sleeping, eating, drinking and enjoying myself.
On the upside, I applied for a new job on Friday. Crossing my fingers and praying like crazy. If you do either, please feel free to join in too.
Tuesday is the new Monday. Too bad Mondays are the worst.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
