trouble finds me
Just when I think trouble has passed me by... After today's graduation, the program director and the executive director needed to meet with me. Uh oh. They were doing some housecleaning and noticed an error in my paperwork -- a payroll error. Apparently, my paperwork said I was making more money than I was supposed to... or at least that's what the person who typed in my salary thought I was making. So, for the past 8 months, I've been paid a salary for 10K more than what I'm slated to make. Now, I'm $7,800 in debt to my employer. Yes, you read it right. I've taken out a loan and I didn't even know it. There's really no course of action for me to take, unless I want to quit my job and sue them for this money (which is not even worth it).
What is going on?!
I keep pinching myself because I feel as if I'm in some movie or tv show about the misadventures of a mid-20s woman. Quarter-life crisis? Most definitely.
5/28/2003
green mill, anyone?
Friday I'm heading off to Chicago for a friends' wedding where I'll get to see some good ol' college friends, a few of whom are planning to tie the knot. What's up with all of this wedding stuff? Over here on the west coast I have very few friends in relationships, let alone married. Anyway, I'm slightly worried about our accomodations as minsoo and I are currently without any, however, I'm super excited to spend some good times with my friends from college. Chicago, here I come!
My program ends on Thursday! Graduation is tomorrow... I'm almost done for the year. I can almost taste it. Can't wait to get rid of those stinkin' kids.
Friday I'm heading off to Chicago for a friends' wedding where I'll get to see some good ol' college friends, a few of whom are planning to tie the knot. What's up with all of this wedding stuff? Over here on the west coast I have very few friends in relationships, let alone married. Anyway, I'm slightly worried about our accomodations as minsoo and I are currently without any, however, I'm super excited to spend some good times with my friends from college. Chicago, here I come!
My program ends on Thursday! Graduation is tomorrow... I'm almost done for the year. I can almost taste it. Can't wait to get rid of those stinkin' kids.
5/23/2003
trainwreck phenomenon
Being a third-party observer in other people's relationships or decision-making is often like watching a trainwreck. You see it coming, but you can't do anything about it -- you know it's going to happen, and you can't help but watch. This is called the trainwreck phenomenon. I can see it coming. Things might get ugly.
At what point should you intervene? Or should you not intervene because it may be their decision to make? Hm.
Being a third-party observer in other people's relationships or decision-making is often like watching a trainwreck. You see it coming, but you can't do anything about it -- you know it's going to happen, and you can't help but watch. This is called the trainwreck phenomenon. I can see it coming. Things might get ugly.
At what point should you intervene? Or should you not intervene because it may be their decision to make? Hm.
5/22/2003
countdown
The countdown is on. Only three more days of program left. The students have been beyond disrespectful to each other and to the staff. All I hear out of their mouths are complaints and criticism, despite our repeated attempts at making our program more "fun" in their eyes. Now I have merely a glimpse of what God feels like when we demand his blessings yet fail to recognize that he is doing just that.
We're thinking of cancelling the celebration that is supposed to commemorate the kids' "graduation" from our leadership program because they don't act like they are leaders. Suppose God cancelled heaven because he felt we were mean to each other and had proven that we didn't learn anything on earth. That would be scary.
The countdown is on. Only three more days of program left. The students have been beyond disrespectful to each other and to the staff. All I hear out of their mouths are complaints and criticism, despite our repeated attempts at making our program more "fun" in their eyes. Now I have merely a glimpse of what God feels like when we demand his blessings yet fail to recognize that he is doing just that.
We're thinking of cancelling the celebration that is supposed to commemorate the kids' "graduation" from our leadership program because they don't act like they are leaders. Suppose God cancelled heaven because he felt we were mean to each other and had proven that we didn't learn anything on earth. That would be scary.
5/21/2003
listen up parents
Another kick-me-in-the-fill-in-the-blank day. The police had to escort one of our kids to a shelter because of some really bad jail-bait-like stuff. Meanwhile, the other kids are rioting and being the horrible little beasts that make me want to quit. We seriously considered cancelling program tomorrow.. and for the rest of the semester. I believe that you can see true goodness in children, however they are often honest -and sometimes heartbreaking- reflections of society. Some of the hateful and manipulative things they say often shock me, but then I step back and realize that kids only mimic what they hear in real life. It also makes me sad to see the dangerous patterns they are developing. I can't really go into more details, but it makes me sick to see the relationship patterns that the girls are developing. It convinces me more and more that parents are the ones that have to really be a part of their kids lives. After school teachers, counselors and youth workers can only do so much. Parents -- take care of your kids. You brought them into this world, it's your responsibility.
Another kick-me-in-the-fill-in-the-blank day. The police had to escort one of our kids to a shelter because of some really bad jail-bait-like stuff. Meanwhile, the other kids are rioting and being the horrible little beasts that make me want to quit. We seriously considered cancelling program tomorrow.. and for the rest of the semester. I believe that you can see true goodness in children, however they are often honest -and sometimes heartbreaking- reflections of society. Some of the hateful and manipulative things they say often shock me, but then I step back and realize that kids only mimic what they hear in real life. It also makes me sad to see the dangerous patterns they are developing. I can't really go into more details, but it makes me sick to see the relationship patterns that the girls are developing. It convinces me more and more that parents are the ones that have to really be a part of their kids lives. After school teachers, counselors and youth workers can only do so much. Parents -- take care of your kids. You brought them into this world, it's your responsibility.
5/14/2003
grrrr
Parking my car tonight was like some bad flashback from my SF days: Roaming the streets again and again, trying to fit into parking spots too small, driving around muttering under my breath, calling minsoo to complain about how lame the parking is in the city. I finally parked in a spot where my car is a few centimeters in front of a driveway. I hope it doesn't get towed or ticketed... or worse, hit by cars getting out of the driveway. Parking hassles were just a small little annoyance that added to my crazy day. Tomorrow is the big WOW project where the little monsters I work with display their work. Today was minsoo's birthday. I was at work until 10:30 pm when I pulled myself away to meet him and a few others at a coffee place for 15 minutes. Oh and did I tell you that I made him help me make a CD cover for my kids tonight too? I'm a sucky, sucky girlfriend.
Parking my car tonight was like some bad flashback from my SF days: Roaming the streets again and again, trying to fit into parking spots too small, driving around muttering under my breath, calling minsoo to complain about how lame the parking is in the city. I finally parked in a spot where my car is a few centimeters in front of a driveway. I hope it doesn't get towed or ticketed... or worse, hit by cars getting out of the driveway. Parking hassles were just a small little annoyance that added to my crazy day. Tomorrow is the big WOW project where the little monsters I work with display their work. Today was minsoo's birthday. I was at work until 10:30 pm when I pulled myself away to meet him and a few others at a coffee place for 15 minutes. Oh and did I tell you that I made him help me make a CD cover for my kids tonight too? I'm a sucky, sucky girlfriend.
5/06/2003
amendment
Alright, some people might object to calling X-men United a "waste" of money, but think about this -- is it necessary to see a movie like that on opening weekend (and helping the big production companies make more money) when there's another film that might actually make a difference for Asian Americans in film? Wait a weekend to see X-men and support a film that depends on YOU going to see it THIS weekend. So anyway, X-Men United isn't a waste of money, it's just that there are other films that you could run to the theater to see. X-Men United can wait. *steppin' off my soapbox*
Alright, some people might object to calling X-men United a "waste" of money, but think about this -- is it necessary to see a movie like that on opening weekend (and helping the big production companies make more money) when there's another film that might actually make a difference for Asian Americans in film? Wait a weekend to see X-men and support a film that depends on YOU going to see it THIS weekend. So anyway, X-Men United isn't a waste of money, it's just that there are other films that you could run to the theater to see. X-Men United can wait. *steppin' off my soapbox*
show me the A.A. love
Come on now people, even my parents are supporting Asians in Film! Alright, so I know the 7 people who read this site also read minsoolove and other sites, but I just wanted to put in my two cents. My parents never go out to watch movies. I think the last movie they saw was one of those Disney films that I made them go see when I was a little kid. In the past few weeks, my parents have seen not ONE but TWO films -- in the theaters! The two films? Bend it Like Beckham and Better Luck Tomorrow. I'm proud to be called my parents' child right now. My parents keep it real in the rice fields. Props to Kenneth and Lydia!
So you movie foos who went to see X-Men United and The Real Cancun should cough up the dough to watch BLT and not complain about not wanting to "waste" money on movies. You already did.
Come on now people, even my parents are supporting Asians in Film! Alright, so I know the 7 people who read this site also read minsoolove and other sites, but I just wanted to put in my two cents. My parents never go out to watch movies. I think the last movie they saw was one of those Disney films that I made them go see when I was a little kid. In the past few weeks, my parents have seen not ONE but TWO films -- in the theaters! The two films? Bend it Like Beckham and Better Luck Tomorrow. I'm proud to be called my parents' child right now. My parents keep it real in the rice fields. Props to Kenneth and Lydia!
So you movie foos who went to see X-Men United and The Real Cancun should cough up the dough to watch BLT and not complain about not wanting to "waste" money on movies. You already did.
5/04/2003
vicarious intercession
Oswald Chambers rocks. Since the great disaster (i.e. the ceiling collasping in my apartment), I've been meaning to replace my edition of My Utmost For His Highest, a daily devotional written by Chambers around the turn of the century (the 20th century, I mean). He is super insightful and I am daily challenged by his words. I found his devotional online and so I've been trying to make it a daily habit.
From today's devotional entitled, "Vicarious Intercession":
"Am I stubborn or substituted? Am I spoiled or complete in my relationship to God? Am I irritable or spiritual? Am I determined to have my own way or determined to be identified with Him?"
Good but very tough questions.
check it out: www.gospelcom.com/rbc/utmost
Oswald Chambers rocks. Since the great disaster (i.e. the ceiling collasping in my apartment), I've been meaning to replace my edition of My Utmost For His Highest, a daily devotional written by Chambers around the turn of the century (the 20th century, I mean). He is super insightful and I am daily challenged by his words. I found his devotional online and so I've been trying to make it a daily habit.
From today's devotional entitled, "Vicarious Intercession":
"Am I stubborn or substituted? Am I spoiled or complete in my relationship to God? Am I irritable or spiritual? Am I determined to have my own way or determined to be identified with Him?"
Good but very tough questions.
check it out: www.gospelcom.com/rbc/utmost
5/01/2003
desperation
Humiliation. We had to compete with the other YMCA summer camp programs for recruiting today at lunch. Our shabby flyers and sign paled in comparison with the slick videos, photo board, t-shirt and candy give aways from the other Y camp people. I resorted to flirting with 8th grade boys. We left early to avoid more embarassment. Oh the shame.
Humiliation. We had to compete with the other YMCA summer camp programs for recruiting today at lunch. Our shabby flyers and sign paled in comparison with the slick videos, photo board, t-shirt and candy give aways from the other Y camp people. I resorted to flirting with 8th grade boys. We left early to avoid more embarassment. Oh the shame.
4/29/2003
i see red
I just heard the shower caddy in my bathroom fall on the floor. My OCD tendencies are luring me away from this computer toward the disorder in the bathroom, but I will resist. Why am I posting twice in a day? A few reasons: one, I'm obsessed with my wireless connection and love surfing the web while in my bed. Two, because I realized that the past three posts have been void of any thought-provoking, Christ-centered content. The whole point of keeping one of these overplayed blogs is to make it different, insightful and more entertaining than just a laundry list of the things that are currently occupying my time. My point of writing again, I suppose, is to break the cycle of whiny, irrelevant posts and return to the days when I actually had a good story to tell...
Sometimes the kids I work with beat the crap out of me -- figuratively, of course. It's not like those punks knowingly cause me to choose "Killing my softly" as my anthem of the moment, but it's scary to see them learn the art of manipulation. From saying things like, "I'm going to tell my mom and she's going to get you fired" to "You're not respecting me now, so I'm not going to respect you", they've learned how to say the things that will make "adults" (as I sometimes call myself) take a step back. Most of the time, they don't even know how loaded their words are -- they just know that they can use them to "get" us. These are the times when I wish I had been more mischievous as a child and therefore would know how to react, instead of just looking shocked and then giving the "You annoy me" look. What's sadder than seeing these kids growing up too fast, is knowing that their environment, whether it's their screwed up family life or their dysfunctional pre-pubescent relationships, is fostering their warped view of the world.
I guess now would be a good opportunity to tell a story about one of my students. Unfortunately, I feel like there's no one story to explain this and I'm not in a place to write something insightful about the kids without becoming frustrated or disheartened. Let's just say that there are times when I look into the faces of the kids I work with and see a glowing white light. Then there are times when all I see is red.
I just heard the shower caddy in my bathroom fall on the floor. My OCD tendencies are luring me away from this computer toward the disorder in the bathroom, but I will resist. Why am I posting twice in a day? A few reasons: one, I'm obsessed with my wireless connection and love surfing the web while in my bed. Two, because I realized that the past three posts have been void of any thought-provoking, Christ-centered content. The whole point of keeping one of these overplayed blogs is to make it different, insightful and more entertaining than just a laundry list of the things that are currently occupying my time. My point of writing again, I suppose, is to break the cycle of whiny, irrelevant posts and return to the days when I actually had a good story to tell...
Sometimes the kids I work with beat the crap out of me -- figuratively, of course. It's not like those punks knowingly cause me to choose "Killing my softly" as my anthem of the moment, but it's scary to see them learn the art of manipulation. From saying things like, "I'm going to tell my mom and she's going to get you fired" to "You're not respecting me now, so I'm not going to respect you", they've learned how to say the things that will make "adults" (as I sometimes call myself) take a step back. Most of the time, they don't even know how loaded their words are -- they just know that they can use them to "get" us. These are the times when I wish I had been more mischievous as a child and therefore would know how to react, instead of just looking shocked and then giving the "You annoy me" look. What's sadder than seeing these kids growing up too fast, is knowing that their environment, whether it's their screwed up family life or their dysfunctional pre-pubescent relationships, is fostering their warped view of the world.
I guess now would be a good opportunity to tell a story about one of my students. Unfortunately, I feel like there's no one story to explain this and I'm not in a place to write something insightful about the kids without becoming frustrated or disheartened. Let's just say that there are times when I look into the faces of the kids I work with and see a glowing white light. Then there are times when all I see is red.
cable, part two
Jane and I joyfully discovered that we have an abridged version of cable on Monday night. It only goes up to channel 38 (so no MTV :( ) but the picture is clear and I get channel 3 & 7 (Friends, Scrubs and Alias - yeah!) and those are the really important stations. I guess not getting every channel makes it alright that I'm not actually paying for it. Ha, ha, Comcast... gotcha.
Jane and I joyfully discovered that we have an abridged version of cable on Monday night. It only goes up to channel 38 (so no MTV :( ) but the picture is clear and I get channel 3 & 7 (Friends, Scrubs and Alias - yeah!) and those are the really important stations. I guess not getting every channel makes it alright that I'm not actually paying for it. Ha, ha, Comcast... gotcha.
4/27/2003
internet
Ah technology. I just spent over two hours trying to set up my DSL modem and wireless router on my roommate's computer. I finally called Netgear to figure out why the wireless router wouldn't connect. It turns out that I had to put my password PLUS @sbcglobal.net to log into the router. Stupid, stupid, stupid me. However, now I'm writing this from my living room on a completely wireless laptop. Ahhhh. So I don't have cable -- at least I have the internet.
Ah technology. I just spent over two hours trying to set up my DSL modem and wireless router on my roommate's computer. I finally called Netgear to figure out why the wireless router wouldn't connect. It turns out that I had to put my password PLUS @sbcglobal.net to log into the router. Stupid, stupid, stupid me. However, now I'm writing this from my living room on a completely wireless laptop. Ahhhh. So I don't have cable -- at least I have the internet.
4/26/2003
cable
Representatives from Comcast came to my door last week asking if my cable was working. Technically we don't get cable, but my roommate had a switch and cables from her old apartment and with the help of our trusty VCR, we hooked up the cable lines. Anyway, I foolishly showed the comcast reps my tv and then they tried to get me to sign up for cable. I said no, I'd rather they just disconnect the lines. They refused. One of the reps even asked to speak to the "head of the household". Um, EXCUSE ME!? This enraged me even more. I refused and kept arguing with the condescending rep that I was not signing anything. If he had just said to me, "Look lady, we know you've been stealing cable from us and we're either going to disconnect it or make you pay" I would have said, okay dude, what's the price like? But instead, they were really sneaky about it, and basically were not up front. Despite the fact that we had cable (which we really didn't since we had to manuever through the vcr), which I know was not the most honest way of doing things, I felt that these representatives were so rude and disrespectful and UNPROFESSIONAL that I didn't even want to consider signing up with them. They finally convinced me that signing it would not do anything and I signed the stupid paper. That night, when I glanced at the sheet again, it had a price written on it! They had tricked me! I called and cancelled the service and complained and they cleared my account. Two days ago, I received a bill for the services that I had cancelled! Meanwhile, my cable had been cut. So now, I'm being charged for services that I don't even have.
I am boycotting Comcast cable. Those jerks don't deserve my money. Is there another option? I hate corporate monopolies.
Representatives from Comcast came to my door last week asking if my cable was working. Technically we don't get cable, but my roommate had a switch and cables from her old apartment and with the help of our trusty VCR, we hooked up the cable lines. Anyway, I foolishly showed the comcast reps my tv and then they tried to get me to sign up for cable. I said no, I'd rather they just disconnect the lines. They refused. One of the reps even asked to speak to the "head of the household". Um, EXCUSE ME!? This enraged me even more. I refused and kept arguing with the condescending rep that I was not signing anything. If he had just said to me, "Look lady, we know you've been stealing cable from us and we're either going to disconnect it or make you pay" I would have said, okay dude, what's the price like? But instead, they were really sneaky about it, and basically were not up front. Despite the fact that we had cable (which we really didn't since we had to manuever through the vcr), which I know was not the most honest way of doing things, I felt that these representatives were so rude and disrespectful and UNPROFESSIONAL that I didn't even want to consider signing up with them. They finally convinced me that signing it would not do anything and I signed the stupid paper. That night, when I glanced at the sheet again, it had a price written on it! They had tricked me! I called and cancelled the service and complained and they cleared my account. Two days ago, I received a bill for the services that I had cancelled! Meanwhile, my cable had been cut. So now, I'm being charged for services that I don't even have.
I am boycotting Comcast cable. Those jerks don't deserve my money. Is there another option? I hate corporate monopolies.
4/25/2003
ouch
I've only cried in front of my students a few times. This week brought the count up to three, which is shameful considering that I am almost 25 and should be able to control my emotions. I have reverted back to the hormonal state of a 13-year-old. The students are horrible to each other and to the staff. I know they are really self-centered and are developmentally at the age where they are extremely self-aware and react out of insecurity. It's still hard to see them tear everyone down.
I feel pretty defeated and uneffective. I know that they are a bundle of contradictions and that they often say things to push buttons and cause conflict, but it's still hard to hear them criticize the things you do for them. I guess this is what being a parent is like, to an extent. Half of the time I'm muttering to myself, If I had a kid who reacted like that, I'd... I'm being really vague about what happened this week, but it's too complicated to explain. I'll just say that I felt at times during this week, the kids were ripping me a new one. I hope you know what that means. It wasn't pretty.
I've only cried in front of my students a few times. This week brought the count up to three, which is shameful considering that I am almost 25 and should be able to control my emotions. I have reverted back to the hormonal state of a 13-year-old. The students are horrible to each other and to the staff. I know they are really self-centered and are developmentally at the age where they are extremely self-aware and react out of insecurity. It's still hard to see them tear everyone down.
I feel pretty defeated and uneffective. I know that they are a bundle of contradictions and that they often say things to push buttons and cause conflict, but it's still hard to hear them criticize the things you do for them. I guess this is what being a parent is like, to an extent. Half of the time I'm muttering to myself, If I had a kid who reacted like that, I'd... I'm being really vague about what happened this week, but it's too complicated to explain. I'll just say that I felt at times during this week, the kids were ripping me a new one. I hope you know what that means. It wasn't pretty.
4/20/2003
4/11/2003
4/03/2003
my tv commentary
I try and refrain from commenting on tv shows as I know that's the focal point of many of my friends' blogs, however, I wanted to share some thoughts on two of my favorite shows.
The West Wing
I don't get to watch this show as much as I would like, however whenever I do, I always end up sighing and wiping the mist away from my eyes. President Barlet, you are cool. C.J., you are so smart and articulate. *Sigh*... POOF! I wake up from the dream that is The West Wing and realize that I live in the real United States, not Aaron Sorkin's NBC version. And then I realize that we're in a war that half of the world doesn't support, a good number of American's don't agree with and revisiting the Imperialist mentality that has made the United States beloved by terrorists the world over. *big sigh*
Alias
Jennifer Garner kicks some serious butt in the coolest show. And she's pretty attractive in a girl-next-door-who-could-kick-my-butt sort of way. And of course, I'm not even going to expound on the hotness that is Michael Vartan. But now that she's getting a divorce, I feel like it kinda lessens her coolness factor, at least in my eyes. I hope it's not the "I'm married to a guy in the biz and we're super happy until I become the hottest new thing around town" scenario. I just hope she doesn't start going out with all these skeezy celebs and then end up in a series of bad relationships where her skank factor sky-rockets. Please don't do it Jennifer!
I try and refrain from commenting on tv shows as I know that's the focal point of many of my friends' blogs, however, I wanted to share some thoughts on two of my favorite shows.
The West Wing
I don't get to watch this show as much as I would like, however whenever I do, I always end up sighing and wiping the mist away from my eyes. President Barlet, you are cool. C.J., you are so smart and articulate. *Sigh*... POOF! I wake up from the dream that is The West Wing and realize that I live in the real United States, not Aaron Sorkin's NBC version. And then I realize that we're in a war that half of the world doesn't support, a good number of American's don't agree with and revisiting the Imperialist mentality that has made the United States beloved by terrorists the world over. *big sigh*
Alias
Jennifer Garner kicks some serious butt in the coolest show. And she's pretty attractive in a girl-next-door-who-could-kick-my-butt sort of way. And of course, I'm not even going to expound on the hotness that is Michael Vartan. But now that she's getting a divorce, I feel like it kinda lessens her coolness factor, at least in my eyes. I hope it's not the "I'm married to a guy in the biz and we're super happy until I become the hottest new thing around town" scenario. I just hope she doesn't start going out with all these skeezy celebs and then end up in a series of bad relationships where her skank factor sky-rockets. Please don't do it Jennifer!
3/28/2003
a few nice packages
On Wednesday, I received two packages... one, was the check for $8,376.60 from the apartment management company (sent to my pseudo-lawyer) and the other, a package from St. Louis. St. Louis? Yes, I received Dandruff II. (read Kristina's 2/14 blog post for more details) Yes, Kristina, I will name it Dandruff II in honor of your suggestion when you gave me the first one. Alas, Snowflake is in the same "asbestos-free" bag with my toilet plunger. Thanks for the good times, my fluffy friend.
This weekend is all about cleaning out the asbestos/water-damaged bags and shopping. Can't wait. I can't believe it. Check out minsoolove.com for a special little animated thank you for my "lawyer.
On Wednesday, I received two packages... one, was the check for $8,376.60 from the apartment management company (sent to my pseudo-lawyer) and the other, a package from St. Louis. St. Louis? Yes, I received Dandruff II. (read Kristina's 2/14 blog post for more details) Yes, Kristina, I will name it Dandruff II in honor of your suggestion when you gave me the first one. Alas, Snowflake is in the same "asbestos-free" bag with my toilet plunger. Thanks for the good times, my fluffy friend.
This weekend is all about cleaning out the asbestos/water-damaged bags and shopping. Can't wait. I can't believe it. Check out minsoolove.com for a special little animated thank you for my "lawyer.
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