i hate vanilla ice
I finished off my post for today with a quote from the "beloved" Vanilla Ice. I was so thrilled with it, that i accidently hit the "sign out" button instead of the "post" button, so I lost my post... anyway, it kinda went like this:
My family and I are traveling to the motherland for two weeks starting tomorrow. I've never been to China so it should be a very memorable trip. Beside seeing the sights and meeting new and exciting relatives, my mom informed me that we're also going to be doing a covert mission. Let's just say that we're on a Mission to spread some Good News to my family's village. Do get the gist? Well, lift up a prayer for us as we share love with others. Also pray for me that I don't start hating my family by the end of the trip.
I promise to write down my adventures and share them with you when I return. Until then, keep rockin' the party.
10/19/2002
10/10/2002
my new hotness
I'm sorry for not writing... I've been busy lately.... Busy driving my brand spankin' new CAR!! Yesiree, with a little help from my dad and some handy negotiating on my part, I am now driving a new 2002 Honda Civic LX.
The deal went down last Wednesday when my dad and uncle at a local Honda dealership. The night before, we had visited another dealership but left after they refused to give us, or rather, me a good price. Tuesday night was the first time I had ever done the car-negotiating thing, but I learned a lot and was ready for a battle on Wednesday. After the standard car lot inspection and test drive, we sat down with the salesman and braced ourselves for war. I used the awkward silence to indicate my displeasure at the price. I even got up and left a few times because I thought we couldn't get a fair price (the salesman ran out and kept giving us better prices). After about 4 and a half hours, the papers had been signed and my shiny new black ride was mine. I felt triumphant. Not because I would finally have a mode of transportation that would actually start on a regular basis, but because I had successfully negotiated the purchase of a car. I definitely feel like I could have gotten a better deal, however, I stood my ground as best as I could and in the end, got a fair price.
Ohhh, and get this -- they gave me $1050 for my broke down car. The next day when I went to pick up my new ride, I parked my car and handed over the keys to old faithful. When the salesman tried to start it, the car wouldn't start. He he he.
I'm sorry for not writing... I've been busy lately.... Busy driving my brand spankin' new CAR!! Yesiree, with a little help from my dad and some handy negotiating on my part, I am now driving a new 2002 Honda Civic LX.
The deal went down last Wednesday when my dad and uncle at a local Honda dealership. The night before, we had visited another dealership but left after they refused to give us, or rather, me a good price. Tuesday night was the first time I had ever done the car-negotiating thing, but I learned a lot and was ready for a battle on Wednesday. After the standard car lot inspection and test drive, we sat down with the salesman and braced ourselves for war. I used the awkward silence to indicate my displeasure at the price. I even got up and left a few times because I thought we couldn't get a fair price (the salesman ran out and kept giving us better prices). After about 4 and a half hours, the papers had been signed and my shiny new black ride was mine. I felt triumphant. Not because I would finally have a mode of transportation that would actually start on a regular basis, but because I had successfully negotiated the purchase of a car. I definitely feel like I could have gotten a better deal, however, I stood my ground as best as I could and in the end, got a fair price.
Ohhh, and get this -- they gave me $1050 for my broke down car. The next day when I went to pick up my new ride, I parked my car and handed over the keys to old faithful. When the salesman tried to start it, the car wouldn't start. He he he.
9/29/2002
the light's on but no one's home
I apologize for the somewhat lifeless posts recently. It's not that I don't have enough muse in my life. In fact it's the abundance of topics that contributes to my lack of creative prose. I'm still struggling with processing all of the events. I can't even begin to write about them in a way that conveys what I've been going through. Maybe I'm just being lazy.
I promise I will return soon with more witty and thought-provoking prose. For right now, you'll just have to do with a bunch of semi-coherent posts.
I apologize for the somewhat lifeless posts recently. It's not that I don't have enough muse in my life. In fact it's the abundance of topics that contributes to my lack of creative prose. I'm still struggling with processing all of the events. I can't even begin to write about them in a way that conveys what I've been going through. Maybe I'm just being lazy.
I promise I will return soon with more witty and thought-provoking prose. For right now, you'll just have to do with a bunch of semi-coherent posts.
9/28/2002
camp anytown
From last Wednesday to Saturday, I was a camp counselor for a diversity camp which brings a diverse set of students from one high school per camp (ex. the head cheerleader, the valedictorian, the head of the nerdy group, the head of the Asian clique, the leader of the Latino group etc.) together to talk about racism, sexism and how everyone at their school can, in Rodney King's words, "all get along." My program director decided that it would be useful for a few of the staff to be counselors right before the start of our program. I wasn't very excited as I felt that the time might be better spent helping to plan our own program. Nevertheless, I had an amazing time with students from a pretty ritzy Palo Alto high school...
My formal and informal duties as camp counselor were:
- Making sure everyone in my cabin was accounted for
- Debriefing the days activities (aka letting them vent or cry about the days activities)
- Facilitating discussion groups and activities
Among the most memorable experiences at camp:
1. Watching the students react to lists of racial slurs and stereotypes written about their group by their peers (They had been asked to list all of the messages they'd heard aout that specific ethnic group). Some cried, some laughed and some were angry. This activity was meant to put out these hurtful terms on the table for discussion and to build empathy among the group. This is where the white girl drama began and the Latino and Black minorities clung together.
2. After our sexism activities, seeing the guys breaking down after realizing that the messages about women they know and share with others have hurt and degrated women (including their sisters and mothers and friends sitting in the room). Another intense moment was when some girls admitted they had been sexually assaulted. It was definitely an eye-opener for these 14-17 old guys.
3. The invisible wall that was built up around the Latino and Black/African-American students saddened me. Their voices were drowned out by the "white girl drama" during discussion times. While the White girls shared their guilt and somewhat misplaced injustice in their affluent lives, the other minority students were silenced. I feel like some of them walked away feeling as if they hadn't learned anything new. The camp is supposed to inspire the students to return to campus and bridge those social divides. Some of them did not look inspired and that saddened me a lot. I understand that the white kids were really growing and coming to understand this issues (as they might have been the most blind), however, the experiences that needed to be heard were not shared.
4. "Cultural Sharing" night. I help lead the Asian American skit. Memorable moments include yours truly rowing in a boat to America. Stereotypes were on full display. The most offense skit I've ever witnessed: The Mixed European group did a skit based around the oh-so controversial Pilgrims and Indians dinner. They spent most of the time making fun of Native Americans instead of their own culture. So offensive and inappropriate. It made me doubt the effectiveness of this reknowned diversity camp.
5. Hugging, so much hugging. Our camp loved the hug. The staff demonstrated the proper hug for us to use. I... just... couldn't... stop... hugging.
6. Despite it all, many of the students went home with powerful lessons learned and some thoughts to chew on. My hope is that the learning continues from here. It was profound to see the students struggle with this issue and then realize how far I had come in my understanding of racism and sexism since high school. The Asian American kids initially disturbed me when I learned how some of them bought into the "Model Minority" and other stereotypes that takes away power and the voice of our race. However I remember my non-existent Asian American consciousness at age 16.
There was a lot of crying, a lot of anger and a lot of "why did they make us do this?" I'm not sure whether these students will walk away changed but I know that at least for 4 days they were allowed to step away from the pressures of school and be different.
From last Wednesday to Saturday, I was a camp counselor for a diversity camp which brings a diverse set of students from one high school per camp (ex. the head cheerleader, the valedictorian, the head of the nerdy group, the head of the Asian clique, the leader of the Latino group etc.) together to talk about racism, sexism and how everyone at their school can, in Rodney King's words, "all get along." My program director decided that it would be useful for a few of the staff to be counselors right before the start of our program. I wasn't very excited as I felt that the time might be better spent helping to plan our own program. Nevertheless, I had an amazing time with students from a pretty ritzy Palo Alto high school...
My formal and informal duties as camp counselor were:
- Making sure everyone in my cabin was accounted for
- Debriefing the days activities (aka letting them vent or cry about the days activities)
- Facilitating discussion groups and activities
Among the most memorable experiences at camp:
1. Watching the students react to lists of racial slurs and stereotypes written about their group by their peers (They had been asked to list all of the messages they'd heard aout that specific ethnic group). Some cried, some laughed and some were angry. This activity was meant to put out these hurtful terms on the table for discussion and to build empathy among the group. This is where the white girl drama began and the Latino and Black minorities clung together.
2. After our sexism activities, seeing the guys breaking down after realizing that the messages about women they know and share with others have hurt and degrated women (including their sisters and mothers and friends sitting in the room). Another intense moment was when some girls admitted they had been sexually assaulted. It was definitely an eye-opener for these 14-17 old guys.
3. The invisible wall that was built up around the Latino and Black/African-American students saddened me. Their voices were drowned out by the "white girl drama" during discussion times. While the White girls shared their guilt and somewhat misplaced injustice in their affluent lives, the other minority students were silenced. I feel like some of them walked away feeling as if they hadn't learned anything new. The camp is supposed to inspire the students to return to campus and bridge those social divides. Some of them did not look inspired and that saddened me a lot. I understand that the white kids were really growing and coming to understand this issues (as they might have been the most blind), however, the experiences that needed to be heard were not shared.
4. "Cultural Sharing" night. I help lead the Asian American skit. Memorable moments include yours truly rowing in a boat to America. Stereotypes were on full display. The most offense skit I've ever witnessed: The Mixed European group did a skit based around the oh-so controversial Pilgrims and Indians dinner. They spent most of the time making fun of Native Americans instead of their own culture. So offensive and inappropriate. It made me doubt the effectiveness of this reknowned diversity camp.
5. Hugging, so much hugging. Our camp loved the hug. The staff demonstrated the proper hug for us to use. I... just... couldn't... stop... hugging.
6. Despite it all, many of the students went home with powerful lessons learned and some thoughts to chew on. My hope is that the learning continues from here. It was profound to see the students struggle with this issue and then realize how far I had come in my understanding of racism and sexism since high school. The Asian American kids initially disturbed me when I learned how some of them bought into the "Model Minority" and other stereotypes that takes away power and the voice of our race. However I remember my non-existent Asian American consciousness at age 16.
There was a lot of crying, a lot of anger and a lot of "why did they make us do this?" I'm not sure whether these students will walk away changed but I know that at least for 4 days they were allowed to step away from the pressures of school and be different.
9/25/2002
one of those days
Sometimes I wonder whether I made the right decision to devote a year or two to working with young people. Today was one of those days that made me want to ditch the field of education altogether. I was ready to strangle a few of those little disrespectful ingrates. I kept thinking to myself, maybe I do hate kids as much as I jokingly claim I do. Props to my mom (an elementary school teacher), whom I gain more respect for as each day passes.
Oh and by the way, it's day three of my afterschool program. We've only just begun.
Sometimes I wonder whether I made the right decision to devote a year or two to working with young people. Today was one of those days that made me want to ditch the field of education altogether. I was ready to strangle a few of those little disrespectful ingrates. I kept thinking to myself, maybe I do hate kids as much as I jokingly claim I do. Props to my mom (an elementary school teacher), whom I gain more respect for as each day passes.
Oh and by the way, it's day three of my afterschool program. We've only just begun.
9/15/2002
random thoughts
Some things that I've become consumed with (ugh, I need better hobbies):
- My new palm pilot. A VERY nice birthday gift from my favorite Minsoo. I've substituted sleep for playing solitaire.
- My joints. My body makes funny cracking noises when I move around. Sometimes I feel like I'm dislocating a body part when I move. This isn't healthy.
- New mode of transportation. There's been rumors that the Parental units are going to help me upgrade my broke down car. We'll see.
- China. I'm going in October. My friend told me I'm going to smell like China when I come back. Apparently "China" kinda smells like being in a Chinese church. Ah, the fragrance of the orient...
- Flipflops. I have a lot of Sandals. So comfy but not very professional (which is weird considering I work at the stinkin' YMCA)
- Sarcasm. Those blasted kids bring out the best in me.
Some things that I've become consumed with (ugh, I need better hobbies):
- My new palm pilot. A VERY nice birthday gift from my favorite Minsoo. I've substituted sleep for playing solitaire.
- My joints. My body makes funny cracking noises when I move around. Sometimes I feel like I'm dislocating a body part when I move. This isn't healthy.
- New mode of transportation. There's been rumors that the Parental units are going to help me upgrade my broke down car. We'll see.
- China. I'm going in October. My friend told me I'm going to smell like China when I come back. Apparently "China" kinda smells like being in a Chinese church. Ah, the fragrance of the orient...
- Flipflops. I have a lot of Sandals. So comfy but not very professional (which is weird considering I work at the stinkin' YMCA)
- Sarcasm. Those blasted kids bring out the best in me.
9/11/2002
what did yoda say about fear?
It's been a hectic day. I had planned on sharing with you my crazy day trying to recruit kids to our afterschool program and convince the parents to shell out the dough. However, I guess September 11th is upon us and I must comment.
I didn't write about it one year ago. I was still processing it all and I guess I still am. While today is definitely a time of remembering and mourning, I also feel like it's a day when we realize how human we all are. Anyway, I have many issues with what has arisen out of this tragedy. I'm unwilling to embracing the nationalistic pride that may turn into a distrust of anyone who may look like a "foreigner". I'm afraid of what being "American" will come to mean when we give up our civil liberties to feel safe. I'm encouraged by the spiritual awakening that many people have experienced, but I fear the hate groups that may take advantage of this to push their propaganda. I guess I fear that history will repeat itself, like it always does.
I'm still thankful to be an American and I'm thankful that I can post these ideas and not be arrested for not being loyal to my country. But I have a lot of reservations and a lot of reasons why I will never say "God bless America" in the way that it's been tossed around this past year. There's more to say but I'm not sure how to say it and and I'm not sure I've got it all sorted out yet.
It's been a hectic day. I had planned on sharing with you my crazy day trying to recruit kids to our afterschool program and convince the parents to shell out the dough. However, I guess September 11th is upon us and I must comment.
I didn't write about it one year ago. I was still processing it all and I guess I still am. While today is definitely a time of remembering and mourning, I also feel like it's a day when we realize how human we all are. Anyway, I have many issues with what has arisen out of this tragedy. I'm unwilling to embracing the nationalistic pride that may turn into a distrust of anyone who may look like a "foreigner". I'm afraid of what being "American" will come to mean when we give up our civil liberties to feel safe. I'm encouraged by the spiritual awakening that many people have experienced, but I fear the hate groups that may take advantage of this to push their propaganda. I guess I fear that history will repeat itself, like it always does.
I'm still thankful to be an American and I'm thankful that I can post these ideas and not be arrested for not being loyal to my country. But I have a lot of reservations and a lot of reasons why I will never say "God bless America" in the way that it's been tossed around this past year. There's more to say but I'm not sure how to say it and and I'm not sure I've got it all sorted out yet.
9/07/2002
all growns up
While I'd like to think that turning 24 today (or yesterday as it's AM now) has transformed me into a mature-looking adult, I think it's just a coincidence that in the past few days, I've ordered alcoholic drinks and not been carded by any of the bartenders/waitresses that have taken my order. Am I starting to look like a real adult? Will people stop asking me when I'm going to graduate from high school?
Okay, I guess we have to balance out these incidences with the fact that a middle schooler's parent asked me which grade I was in ("6th, 7th or 8th? Oh, high school?") and the school secretary said that I looked just like one of the students.
Too many quarterlife crisis issues. I appreciate my youth, but dude, sometimes it's hard. So for all you old folks out there: give us young'uns a break.
While I'd like to think that turning 24 today (or yesterday as it's AM now) has transformed me into a mature-looking adult, I think it's just a coincidence that in the past few days, I've ordered alcoholic drinks and not been carded by any of the bartenders/waitresses that have taken my order. Am I starting to look like a real adult? Will people stop asking me when I'm going to graduate from high school?
Okay, I guess we have to balance out these incidences with the fact that a middle schooler's parent asked me which grade I was in ("6th, 7th or 8th? Oh, high school?") and the school secretary said that I looked just like one of the students.
Too many quarterlife crisis issues. I appreciate my youth, but dude, sometimes it's hard. So for all you old folks out there: give us young'uns a break.
8/21/2002
i'm not angry asian man, but...
The woodshop teacher at the middle school I'm working at offered to show my co-workers and I around his classroom today. He was proudly pointing out all of the projects his students had created, from sketched drafts of 3-D objects ("This is how they learn fractions!") to mini-houses ("Look, they made a working flagpole!"). Then he points to a chinese checker board and says, "An Oriental kid made that... He didn't speak any english but I just set him up and he went at it."
Was it the word "Oriental" that pissed me off? Or the fact that he bragged that an "Oriental" kid made a Chinese Checkers board? Or was it just that this guy was macho and pompous and had "Little Man's Syndrome"? I don't know. Either way, the meeting left me with a bad taste in my mouth. Looks like we're not going to be working with the woodshop teacher this year.
The woodshop teacher at the middle school I'm working at offered to show my co-workers and I around his classroom today. He was proudly pointing out all of the projects his students had created, from sketched drafts of 3-D objects ("This is how they learn fractions!") to mini-houses ("Look, they made a working flagpole!"). Then he points to a chinese checker board and says, "An Oriental kid made that... He didn't speak any english but I just set him up and he went at it."
Was it the word "Oriental" that pissed me off? Or the fact that he bragged that an "Oriental" kid made a Chinese Checkers board? Or was it just that this guy was macho and pompous and had "Little Man's Syndrome"? I don't know. Either way, the meeting left me with a bad taste in my mouth. Looks like we're not going to be working with the woodshop teacher this year.
8/13/2002
Citizen Schools
For the next two years I've committed myself to being a part of Citizens Schools, a very innovative after-school program for middle school students. This is the first year they're starting up a site in San Jose and I'm part of the first team. I know, I know, it's not what I studied in college and it's nothing like what I had planned on doing when I graduated. But after last year, I know that it's not always the straight and narrow path that teaches you the most. I've decided to take the route with the hairpin curves.
I'm sure many of you (okay, maybe 1 or 2 of you) are wondering what the heck I'm doing working with kids, as I allegedly "hate" kids. It's not simply a ploy to prove to the public that I'm indeed fond of the tikes. I'm not pulling a Michael Jackson-Lisa Marie Presley. Kids are swell (as long as I only have to be around them for a few hours each day).
When it comes down to it, there's so much more to this experience than just playing with or tutoring a bunch of 10 to 14 year olds. It's an opportunity for me to learn more about the educational system, policy related to education, possibly earn a masters degree in education and help establish a unique program in my community.
Ah, It's going to be another one of those years. At least I'll have some colorful stories to post. Stay Tuned.
For the next two years I've committed myself to being a part of Citizens Schools, a very innovative after-school program for middle school students. This is the first year they're starting up a site in San Jose and I'm part of the first team. I know, I know, it's not what I studied in college and it's nothing like what I had planned on doing when I graduated. But after last year, I know that it's not always the straight and narrow path that teaches you the most. I've decided to take the route with the hairpin curves.
I'm sure many of you (okay, maybe 1 or 2 of you) are wondering what the heck I'm doing working with kids, as I allegedly "hate" kids. It's not simply a ploy to prove to the public that I'm indeed fond of the tikes. I'm not pulling a Michael Jackson-Lisa Marie Presley. Kids are swell (as long as I only have to be around them for a few hours each day).
When it comes down to it, there's so much more to this experience than just playing with or tutoring a bunch of 10 to 14 year olds. It's an opportunity for me to learn more about the educational system, policy related to education, possibly earn a masters degree in education and help establish a unique program in my community.
Ah, It's going to be another one of those years. At least I'll have some colorful stories to post. Stay Tuned.
8/12/2002
bobbing for gumdrops
I spent last Wednesday afternoon participating in relay games, playing pictionary and step dancing with almost 25 middle school students from Boston. One relay game involved each member of our group racing to a tupperware container filled with water and gumdrops at the bottom. The objective was to dunk your head into the container, bite into a gumdrop and remove it from the container. From there, you had to dip your wet face in a bowl of whipped cream to find another gumdrop. Oh yeah, and it was all being timed against other teams. Imagine doing this after 20 other 9 to 12 year olds had already dunked their sweaty faces and oily hair into the murky water.
The whole week was unbelievable. I interviewed and been offered the job the previous Thursday, decided to take it on Saturday and hopped a plane on Sunday to Boston. I spent last week learning more about what I had signed up for and came away from the week excited but nervous.
I'll explain more about what I'm going to be doing next time. I'm still jet-lagged and I need to get some sleep.
I spent last Wednesday afternoon participating in relay games, playing pictionary and step dancing with almost 25 middle school students from Boston. One relay game involved each member of our group racing to a tupperware container filled with water and gumdrops at the bottom. The objective was to dunk your head into the container, bite into a gumdrop and remove it from the container. From there, you had to dip your wet face in a bowl of whipped cream to find another gumdrop. Oh yeah, and it was all being timed against other teams. Imagine doing this after 20 other 9 to 12 year olds had already dunked their sweaty faces and oily hair into the murky water.
The whole week was unbelievable. I interviewed and been offered the job the previous Thursday, decided to take it on Saturday and hopped a plane on Sunday to Boston. I spent last week learning more about what I had signed up for and came away from the week excited but nervous.
I'll explain more about what I'm going to be doing next time. I'm still jet-lagged and I need to get some sleep.
8/04/2002
7/30/2002
so good
So I returned home to be with my family and to attend my cousin's funeral. Today is my last day at home in the LA area. My college friends used to tell me that living in my area was like being on vacation all the time. I think they're right. Living 2 blocks from the beach, eating lunch at outdoor cafes, shopping at vintage or surf stores... ahhhhh, this is the life. I'm really not looking forward to returning to the dry, hot, landlocked Silicon Valley.
Okay, San Jose's not that bad. It's just that home is really that good.
So I returned home to be with my family and to attend my cousin's funeral. Today is my last day at home in the LA area. My college friends used to tell me that living in my area was like being on vacation all the time. I think they're right. Living 2 blocks from the beach, eating lunch at outdoor cafes, shopping at vintage or surf stores... ahhhhh, this is the life. I'm really not looking forward to returning to the dry, hot, landlocked Silicon Valley.
Okay, San Jose's not that bad. It's just that home is really that good.
7/21/2002
don't understand
Saturday morning my mom called me to let me know that my cousin Christine had passed away. This news was a complete shock to me. Our family knew she'd been sick (she's only about 30 years old) but she was nowhere near death. This news left us stunned, confused and angry at her dad, my uncle, for not communicating about how sick our cousin really was. We knew that she had been ill for awhile, but we never knew what it was, nor that it was life-threatening. Apparently, she went in for a risky surgery last week with little hope of coming out of it -- a detail that my uncle failed to mention to the rest of his family.
It angers me because I cannot properly mourn for my cousin. I don't know what disease took her. I was never able to share in the pain that comes from watching a loved one suffer. I never visited her in the hospital -- nor did I even know that was in the hospital for about a month. I never shed a tear for her illness nor did I pray as fervently as I could have for her recovery. I didn't know -- and that's what hurts me the most.
So I guess I should be glad that she's "not in anymore pain" and I have to hope and think that she believed in Christ and is in heaven (I was never sure about her spiritual state). But I feel cheated. I can't reflect on my relationship with her like the one I had with my grandfather. We weren't given the opportunity, nor the time, to develop one. And this is what makes me sad.
Saturday morning my mom called me to let me know that my cousin Christine had passed away. This news was a complete shock to me. Our family knew she'd been sick (she's only about 30 years old) but she was nowhere near death. This news left us stunned, confused and angry at her dad, my uncle, for not communicating about how sick our cousin really was. We knew that she had been ill for awhile, but we never knew what it was, nor that it was life-threatening. Apparently, she went in for a risky surgery last week with little hope of coming out of it -- a detail that my uncle failed to mention to the rest of his family.
It angers me because I cannot properly mourn for my cousin. I don't know what disease took her. I was never able to share in the pain that comes from watching a loved one suffer. I never visited her in the hospital -- nor did I even know that was in the hospital for about a month. I never shed a tear for her illness nor did I pray as fervently as I could have for her recovery. I didn't know -- and that's what hurts me the most.
So I guess I should be glad that she's "not in anymore pain" and I have to hope and think that she believed in Christ and is in heaven (I was never sure about her spiritual state). But I feel cheated. I can't reflect on my relationship with her like the one I had with my grandfather. We weren't given the opportunity, nor the time, to develop one. And this is what makes me sad.
7/18/2002
in remembrance
On Tuesday night, I went to Minsoo's house for dinner. When I arrived, I was surprised to see his extended family there as well. It turns out, it was the anniversary of his grandfather's death. Minsoo didn't know him, but every year his family gets together in remembrance of his grandfather. I'm usually invited purely because his mom cooks a fat dinner for us afterward. Anyway, as his parents and Korean-speaking relatives sang hymns and shared memories of his grandfather, it hit me: Today was the anniversary of my own grandfather. He passed away last year on the same day. Whoa.
So in honor of my gung-gung, today's entry is devoted to my fond memories of him.
* I remember driving up to San Francisco from Los Angeles to visit my grandparents with my family when I was younger. No matter how late we arrived at their house, they would be waiting for us, arms wide open, ready to give my sister and I lots of hugs and kisses.
* I remember my gung-gung was the most charming, charismatic man. His car stalled by a fire station and when he went into the station, they treated him like a king because he was dressed like a true gentleman. I'm sure it was also because of his wit and the twinkle in his eye.
* I remember that everyone who knew him treated him with such dignity and respect. Even though as he got older, he often demanded that respect, I knew that he was a true leader and always striving to walk boldly as a Christian.
* I remember how sad he was when Po-po died. I'm glad they're together again.
* I remember the last time I saw him. I brought Minsoo to see him and my mother introduced him as someone who was really involved in church. My gung-gung responded by saying "Wonderful, Wonderful." That was the most important thing to gung-gung.
* I remember that he loved me very much. And I loved him very much too.
On Tuesday night, I went to Minsoo's house for dinner. When I arrived, I was surprised to see his extended family there as well. It turns out, it was the anniversary of his grandfather's death. Minsoo didn't know him, but every year his family gets together in remembrance of his grandfather. I'm usually invited purely because his mom cooks a fat dinner for us afterward. Anyway, as his parents and Korean-speaking relatives sang hymns and shared memories of his grandfather, it hit me: Today was the anniversary of my own grandfather. He passed away last year on the same day. Whoa.
So in honor of my gung-gung, today's entry is devoted to my fond memories of him.
* I remember driving up to San Francisco from Los Angeles to visit my grandparents with my family when I was younger. No matter how late we arrived at their house, they would be waiting for us, arms wide open, ready to give my sister and I lots of hugs and kisses.
* I remember my gung-gung was the most charming, charismatic man. His car stalled by a fire station and when he went into the station, they treated him like a king because he was dressed like a true gentleman. I'm sure it was also because of his wit and the twinkle in his eye.
* I remember that everyone who knew him treated him with such dignity and respect. Even though as he got older, he often demanded that respect, I knew that he was a true leader and always striving to walk boldly as a Christian.
* I remember how sad he was when Po-po died. I'm glad they're together again.
* I remember the last time I saw him. I brought Minsoo to see him and my mother introduced him as someone who was really involved in church. My gung-gung responded by saying "Wonderful, Wonderful." That was the most important thing to gung-gung.
* I remember that he loved me very much. And I loved him very much too.
7/07/2002
what goes around, comes around
My bible study class was discussing 1 Corinthians when I happened to glance out the window toward where my car was parked. It was about 2:30-ish and the sun was beating down on my passenger-side car window and reflecting a greenish-light... A greenish light?! I ran out of the room when I realized that the green light was coming from the shards of glass where my car window used to be. GRR!
Yes my car was number 3 in the string of break-ins that occured at church. This time, the thieves were bold enough to strike on sunday, during service, and hit a car parked right in front of the sanctuary. The sucka thieves took off with my lovely canvas Esprit bag which held a case of my favorite CDs (mostly Christian) and my $200+ pair of prescription glasses. They left my portable CD player (it was laying on the driver's side floor) and my portable car stereo. I know it was stupid to leave the bag sitting there (normally I hide it), but dude, I was parked in the most obvious spot in front of church, on a Sunday. Sucka thieves are getting bold. Too bad they didn't take anything really cool like a palm pilot or cell phone.
A message to thieves: We're gonna catch you thieves, watch out, we're gonna catch you.
So now I have to shell out money to get my window replaced and new prescription glasses. I know I joked about it a lot when my car was looked over by sucka thieves. Now I'm sorry I ever said anything because getting your car broken into is a big fat pain in my backside... and it makes me feel violated.
Sometimes I wish that I had nothing to write in this blog. I wish my life was more boring.
My bible study class was discussing 1 Corinthians when I happened to glance out the window toward where my car was parked. It was about 2:30-ish and the sun was beating down on my passenger-side car window and reflecting a greenish-light... A greenish light?! I ran out of the room when I realized that the green light was coming from the shards of glass where my car window used to be. GRR!
Yes my car was number 3 in the string of break-ins that occured at church. This time, the thieves were bold enough to strike on sunday, during service, and hit a car parked right in front of the sanctuary. The sucka thieves took off with my lovely canvas Esprit bag which held a case of my favorite CDs (mostly Christian) and my $200+ pair of prescription glasses. They left my portable CD player (it was laying on the driver's side floor) and my portable car stereo. I know it was stupid to leave the bag sitting there (normally I hide it), but dude, I was parked in the most obvious spot in front of church, on a Sunday. Sucka thieves are getting bold. Too bad they didn't take anything really cool like a palm pilot or cell phone.
A message to thieves: We're gonna catch you thieves, watch out, we're gonna catch you.
So now I have to shell out money to get my window replaced and new prescription glasses. I know I joked about it a lot when my car was looked over by sucka thieves. Now I'm sorry I ever said anything because getting your car broken into is a big fat pain in my backside... and it makes me feel violated.
Sometimes I wish that I had nothing to write in this blog. I wish my life was more boring.
7/04/2002
goodbye, public allies
I haven't "partied" with the allies since December, so tonight's house party was quite an experience. Since we're ending the program and my new friends are scattering for the summer, I was feeling temporarily nostalgic... So I thought I'd write this list...
What I'll miss about being in Public Allies:
- Going to parties with people of all different colors
- Seeing the world through the eyes of my one and only bisexual friend who smokes pot like a chimney
- Being with people who don't pride themselves on the good deal they got at the Gap
- People who shake their groove thang to Tiffany and Debbie Gibson as well as Digable Planets
- Being around people who always make me think about what I believe and challenge me to act on my faith, whether they know it or not
~~~ enough with the deep thoughts...the short and skinny on the party ~~~
So I'm sugar coating the whole social scene. The party tonight was half of us allies and the other half a group of frat-boy types (friends of one of the allies). It was really weird/awkward especially since I was one of the first to arrive and the ONLY female for about an hour. I drank maybe a half a beer (because I was driving and was expecting to make an exit at any moment) and did not parttake in the communal cannabis consumption (though I did learn much about the "art" of smoking out).
This was a truly interesting way to end one of the strangest years I've had thus far (knock on wood).
I haven't "partied" with the allies since December, so tonight's house party was quite an experience. Since we're ending the program and my new friends are scattering for the summer, I was feeling temporarily nostalgic... So I thought I'd write this list...
What I'll miss about being in Public Allies:
- Going to parties with people of all different colors
- Seeing the world through the eyes of my one and only bisexual friend who smokes pot like a chimney
- Being with people who don't pride themselves on the good deal they got at the Gap
- People who shake their groove thang to Tiffany and Debbie Gibson as well as Digable Planets
- Being around people who always make me think about what I believe and challenge me to act on my faith, whether they know it or not
~~~ enough with the deep thoughts...the short and skinny on the party ~~~
So I'm sugar coating the whole social scene. The party tonight was half of us allies and the other half a group of frat-boy types (friends of one of the allies). It was really weird/awkward especially since I was one of the first to arrive and the ONLY female for about an hour. I drank maybe a half a beer (because I was driving and was expecting to make an exit at any moment) and did not parttake in the communal cannabis consumption (though I did learn much about the "art" of smoking out).
This was a truly interesting way to end one of the strangest years I've had thus far (knock on wood).
6/29/2002
making an exit
So M left today... I didn't say goodbye (but probably should have). His parents packed up his things in a U-Haul and he drove off in his Chevelle, wheels screeching (somewhat symbolically) as he bolted out of our cul-de-sac. He's gone. I feel weird that we actually "forced" a roommate out of our house. I hope this is the end of this drama.
Next step: decide whether I'm going to be living in my house or moving in with my uncle.
So M left today... I didn't say goodbye (but probably should have). His parents packed up his things in a U-Haul and he drove off in his Chevelle, wheels screeching (somewhat symbolically) as he bolted out of our cul-de-sac. He's gone. I feel weird that we actually "forced" a roommate out of our house. I hope this is the end of this drama.
Next step: decide whether I'm going to be living in my house or moving in with my uncle.
6/22/2002
yesterday's water works
Yesterday I gave my "presentation of learning" to my Public Allies class, staff, panelists and the community. My parents, minsoo, my friends, my supervisor and mentor were in attendance. I was nervous but prepared to get it over with. I got through 3/4th of my presentation as planned but when I began to speak of my personal learning and growth this year, I totally lost it. Miraculously, I was still able to speak even though the tears were flowing like faucets. It has been an emotional week (these tears marked day number 5 of my tear-fest) and so speaking about my journey this year, with my parents in attendance, really broke me. Fortunately the panelist who critique my presentation ate it up. During the Q&A session, as one ally put it, they "never let up," asking me questions that made me cry even more. They asked me about my future (a sure fire way to teary eyes), my supervisor stood up and read a poem about having God in me (oh goodness, tears for sure), the audience wanted to know about the influence my grandfather has on me (my nose is running) and then the panelists asked my parents to speak about me (it's all over). By the end, most of the staff, many of the allies in my program and probably my friends, were wiping away tears. At least I had good company, as I was wiping away boogers on my sleeve.
My only Christian friend in Public Allies said to me, "God was glorified during your presentation." I really hope so.
Yesterday I gave my "presentation of learning" to my Public Allies class, staff, panelists and the community. My parents, minsoo, my friends, my supervisor and mentor were in attendance. I was nervous but prepared to get it over with. I got through 3/4th of my presentation as planned but when I began to speak of my personal learning and growth this year, I totally lost it. Miraculously, I was still able to speak even though the tears were flowing like faucets. It has been an emotional week (these tears marked day number 5 of my tear-fest) and so speaking about my journey this year, with my parents in attendance, really broke me. Fortunately the panelist who critique my presentation ate it up. During the Q&A session, as one ally put it, they "never let up," asking me questions that made me cry even more. They asked me about my future (a sure fire way to teary eyes), my supervisor stood up and read a poem about having God in me (oh goodness, tears for sure), the audience wanted to know about the influence my grandfather has on me (my nose is running) and then the panelists asked my parents to speak about me (it's all over). By the end, most of the staff, many of the allies in my program and probably my friends, were wiping away tears. At least I had good company, as I was wiping away boogers on my sleeve.
My only Christian friend in Public Allies said to me, "God was glorified during your presentation." I really hope so.
if you want me to
"It may not be the way, I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But you never said it would be easy
You only said I'll never go alone" - Ginny Owens, "If you want me to"
In the past two years, I've listened to this song so many times, and many of those times I have been brought to tears. It speaks to many young people, especially recent college graduates searching to find their path. It's been relevant to my life this week as I've been struggling with having to make decisions that I had hoped to put off for the summer. This recent turn of events has directly been related to my troublesome roommating situation. I'm now in the process of interviewing for jobs, trying to decide where I'm going to live and trying to finish up my Public Allies year.
It's been 6 grueling days of being refined and broken. I can see that I'm growing and seeing my prayers answered, but in the meantime I'll have to chalk today up as day number 6 of my tear-fest.
"It may not be the way, I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But you never said it would be easy
You only said I'll never go alone" - Ginny Owens, "If you want me to"
In the past two years, I've listened to this song so many times, and many of those times I have been brought to tears. It speaks to many young people, especially recent college graduates searching to find their path. It's been relevant to my life this week as I've been struggling with having to make decisions that I had hoped to put off for the summer. This recent turn of events has directly been related to my troublesome roommating situation. I'm now in the process of interviewing for jobs, trying to decide where I'm going to live and trying to finish up my Public Allies year.
It's been 6 grueling days of being refined and broken. I can see that I'm growing and seeing my prayers answered, but in the meantime I'll have to chalk today up as day number 6 of my tear-fest.
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