there's a reason why i don't babysit anymore
Our new roomie is, ahem, interesting. Initially we started looking for a roommate who was in their mid-20s, preferably female and with a steady job and some sort of life. Instead we got a new little brother.
My new roomie just arrived in the "big city" (aka San Jose). He's 20, pretty much just outta school (high school, that is) and knows virtually no one in the area except for his aunt who he's been living with. (Though he did mention to me that what he needs is a girlfriend. Uh buddy, can't help you out with that.)
What probably makes me a little bitter is how lucky he is. We had invited another guy into our house and he decided to move in with his co-worker. Then we went on another hunt and the other guy we were going to take didn't leave us a correct phone number. And of course, February is the shortest month. So the boy got it by default. I don't think he knows how lucky he is. Or maybe he does, as he must have said "Sweet!" at least 5 times when he visited the house today to give us the rent check.
It's not that I have anything against him. It's just that he's so, well, young. Tonight my other roommate said, "Looks like you guys are going to have to tuck him in at night."
So maybe it's the fact that he asked me if I had watched the movie "Orange County." Or maybe it's because he used the word "party" as a verb ("So you used to party a lot?"). Or could it possibly be because his mom arrived later to bring him some of his stuff in a laundry basket? All I know is that the warning signs are going off in my head.
2/28/2002
2/19/2002
#5
I'm trying to force myself to be more disciplined with blogging. I'm hoping that frequency doesn't equal mediocrity.
Once again, I'm in the midst of wondering what I'm going to do with my life after my Americorps program ends in June. Here are some of my random ideas (at least the ones I thought of today as they change at least once a day):
1. Get a "real" job that my dad approves of (aka job that makes more money)
2. Get a temp job and save up money and slack off until Oct/Nov when I take a family trip to Asia
3. Work around here doing some non-profit thing
4. Do some kind of urban missions
5. Do nothing.
Yeah, so far #5 seems like the option that I'm probably the most qualified to do right now.
Screw all of this do-gooder stuff.
Forget working for a change.
Ignore all of my friends who will graduate from med and law schools and make six figure salaries.
GAH! All I wanna do is a whole lotta nothing.
Of course, this will probably change tomorrow, who knows.
I'm trying to force myself to be more disciplined with blogging. I'm hoping that frequency doesn't equal mediocrity.
Once again, I'm in the midst of wondering what I'm going to do with my life after my Americorps program ends in June. Here are some of my random ideas (at least the ones I thought of today as they change at least once a day):
1. Get a "real" job that my dad approves of (aka job that makes more money)
2. Get a temp job and save up money and slack off until Oct/Nov when I take a family trip to Asia
3. Work around here doing some non-profit thing
4. Do some kind of urban missions
5. Do nothing.
Yeah, so far #5 seems like the option that I'm probably the most qualified to do right now.
Screw all of this do-gooder stuff.
Forget working for a change.
Ignore all of my friends who will graduate from med and law schools and make six figure salaries.
GAH! All I wanna do is a whole lotta nothing.
Of course, this will probably change tomorrow, who knows.
2/18/2002
poster hangers
It was comedy at its finest at Bed, Bath and Beyond on Saturday afternoon. Minsoo and I went on a search for some plastic poster hangers and this was the first stop. Here's the dialogue that took place between the salespeople and myself:
Wai-Ling: Excuse me, we're looking for poster holders. They're these long plastic things you put on the poster and... (etc.)
Employee 1: Poster holders? Oh yeah, I know what you're talking about. Yeah, a poster holder. Hang on. (Leads us over to Employee 2 & 3) Hey, do you know if we have poster holders? They're looking for poster holders. It holds posters.
Employee 2: Poster holders?
Employee 1: You know, they're these things that hold posters? It's like a poster holder, and it holds posters.
Employee 2: You mean it holds posters? Hmm... Oh yeah! What you guys are looking for are poster holders! They hold posters, you know, like a poster holder. Yeah, poster holders. Sorry, we don't have that here. Maybe Office Depot.
Employee 3: Ha ha. (Shaking his head)
Minsoo and I left the store holding our sides and stopped in the parking lot because we were laughing so hard. We could not believe the exchange that just took place. I felt like we were in some old-school comedy sketch routine.
It was comedy at its finest at Bed, Bath and Beyond on Saturday afternoon. Minsoo and I went on a search for some plastic poster hangers and this was the first stop. Here's the dialogue that took place between the salespeople and myself:
Wai-Ling: Excuse me, we're looking for poster holders. They're these long plastic things you put on the poster and... (etc.)
Employee 1: Poster holders? Oh yeah, I know what you're talking about. Yeah, a poster holder. Hang on. (Leads us over to Employee 2 & 3) Hey, do you know if we have poster holders? They're looking for poster holders. It holds posters.
Employee 2: Poster holders?
Employee 1: You know, they're these things that hold posters? It's like a poster holder, and it holds posters.
Employee 2: You mean it holds posters? Hmm... Oh yeah! What you guys are looking for are poster holders! They hold posters, you know, like a poster holder. Yeah, poster holders. Sorry, we don't have that here. Maybe Office Depot.
Employee 3: Ha ha. (Shaking his head)
Minsoo and I left the store holding our sides and stopped in the parking lot because we were laughing so hard. We could not believe the exchange that just took place. I felt like we were in some old-school comedy sketch routine.
2/14/2002
one-liners
Have you ever noticed that at the end of an article sometimes there's a short sentence about the author? Example: "John Doe likes fly-fishing, playing with his grandkids and writing about his adventures as a New York Stockbroker."
Looks easy to write, huh? Well it's not. After writing a movie review on "Flower Drum Song" for the NAATA website, I had to come up with a catchy one-liner that encompasses the essence that is Wai-Ling. Okay, not really. Here are the ones I came up with, in the order which I thought them up:
Wai-Ling
....enjoys and is not at all traumatized by watching her mom and uncles belt out show tunes during holiday gatherings.
... enjoys writing and hates being called cute.
... thinks that Parry Shen is a cutie and Roger Fan is a stud (both from Better Luck Tomorrow)
... is incredibly excited to meet Nancy Kwan and James Shigeta when Flower Drum Song is shown at the SFIAAFF on March 10.
...is having a hard time coming up with a catchy one-liner about herself
... believes that creating catchy one-liners about herself is too time consuming
... got to write this story because her boyfriend works at NAATA
In the end, I settled with:
Wai-Ling spends her days coordinating volunteers and her nights coordinating her primetime schedule. On the side, she shakes her groove thang like Nancy Kwan.
Have you ever noticed that at the end of an article sometimes there's a short sentence about the author? Example: "John Doe likes fly-fishing, playing with his grandkids and writing about his adventures as a New York Stockbroker."
Looks easy to write, huh? Well it's not. After writing a movie review on "Flower Drum Song" for the NAATA website, I had to come up with a catchy one-liner that encompasses the essence that is Wai-Ling. Okay, not really. Here are the ones I came up with, in the order which I thought them up:
Wai-Ling
....enjoys and is not at all traumatized by watching her mom and uncles belt out show tunes during holiday gatherings.
... enjoys writing and hates being called cute.
... thinks that Parry Shen is a cutie and Roger Fan is a stud (both from Better Luck Tomorrow)
... is incredibly excited to meet Nancy Kwan and James Shigeta when Flower Drum Song is shown at the SFIAAFF on March 10.
...is having a hard time coming up with a catchy one-liner about herself
... believes that creating catchy one-liners about herself is too time consuming
... got to write this story because her boyfriend works at NAATA
In the end, I settled with:
Wai-Ling spends her days coordinating volunteers and her nights coordinating her primetime schedule. On the side, she shakes her groove thang like Nancy Kwan.
1/29/2002
mystery
I'm going to have to get my own webspace soon. For the past couple of days, my blog has looked sorta funny. Didn't you notice that random 1/24 posting? Well, I just posted something and magically, it fixed itself... too spooky. One day I'm going to get off my lazy butt and actually create my own blog instead of biting off of blogger's templates.
Speaking of biting off templates.... Check out my good buddy's page: Choochy's blog. I didn't even know it existed until a few weeks ago. Honest.
I'm going to have to get my own webspace soon. For the past couple of days, my blog has looked sorta funny. Didn't you notice that random 1/24 posting? Well, I just posted something and magically, it fixed itself... too spooky. One day I'm going to get off my lazy butt and actually create my own blog instead of biting off of blogger's templates.
Speaking of biting off templates.... Check out my good buddy's page: Choochy's blog. I didn't even know it existed until a few weeks ago. Honest.
1/23/2002
besides the bronchitis thing...
The whole bronchitis thing distracted me from sharing about what I've been up to since Thanksgiving... here's the short and skinny on the past few months:
1. Coordinating volunteers to deliver meals to seniors and disabled people on the holidays through my organization's Meals on Wheels program. This was the first holiday meal delivery that our program has ever done! This meant that I did not spend Christmas or New Year's with my family and was not on the scheduled week-long vacation that everyone else in my program went on. I think Jan 1st was the day when my body said ENOUGH! and I got sick.
2. Organizing a Martin Luther King Jr Day event for almost 100 high school students in the Silicon Valley. Although I was sick for the crucial last weeks of planning, my team and I felt that our event went extremely well. The speakers were great and engaging, a lot of people came and the day went off without any major hitches. Gooooo event planning team! Our type A personality team rocks!
3. Currently I'm developing a short 5-minute presentation (with visuals and hand-outs) that I have to give to some of the people in my program this weekend on our annual mid-year retreat. Ugh to both the retreat and the presentation.
So yeah, on top of all this, there's the bronchitis thing. I took my last dose of antibiotics last night (woo hoo!!) but had to make a trip to the ER on Saturday night when I was having a hard time breathing. Ugh.
Being sick is stressful because I feel very powerless. My mind says that I need to do about 20 things right now, but my body says that I can only do one thing - rest. Most people would say, hey, that's great, I can just hang out and chill for awhile. But since I have all of these things hanging over my head, rest just doesn't feel, well, restful. Once again, this goes back to my need to have control. While I can help my body heal, it has to work itself out - I can't fix it and make it all better right away. This is very frustrating.
The whole bronchitis thing distracted me from sharing about what I've been up to since Thanksgiving... here's the short and skinny on the past few months:
1. Coordinating volunteers to deliver meals to seniors and disabled people on the holidays through my organization's Meals on Wheels program. This was the first holiday meal delivery that our program has ever done! This meant that I did not spend Christmas or New Year's with my family and was not on the scheduled week-long vacation that everyone else in my program went on. I think Jan 1st was the day when my body said ENOUGH! and I got sick.
2. Organizing a Martin Luther King Jr Day event for almost 100 high school students in the Silicon Valley. Although I was sick for the crucial last weeks of planning, my team and I felt that our event went extremely well. The speakers were great and engaging, a lot of people came and the day went off without any major hitches. Gooooo event planning team! Our type A personality team rocks!
3. Currently I'm developing a short 5-minute presentation (with visuals and hand-outs) that I have to give to some of the people in my program this weekend on our annual mid-year retreat. Ugh to both the retreat and the presentation.
So yeah, on top of all this, there's the bronchitis thing. I took my last dose of antibiotics last night (woo hoo!!) but had to make a trip to the ER on Saturday night when I was having a hard time breathing. Ugh.
Being sick is stressful because I feel very powerless. My mind says that I need to do about 20 things right now, but my body says that I can only do one thing - rest. Most people would say, hey, that's great, I can just hang out and chill for awhile. But since I have all of these things hanging over my head, rest just doesn't feel, well, restful. Once again, this goes back to my need to have control. While I can help my body heal, it has to work itself out - I can't fix it and make it all better right away. This is very frustrating.
1/14/2002
county med
2:30-3am, Sunday morning. When I walked into valley medical center's ER with a heavy chest and a tight cough, all I could think about was how I wanted to feel well again. I sat in the waiting room for almost three stinking hours in a county hospital waiting room probably comparable to a boring episode of ER.
5am. I was still in the waiting room. The thing was, all I had was a painful cough. I could have been in and out in 30 minutes. A person had to be bleeding, pregnant or near death to get any service (believe me, I saw a few of these people who were immediately shuttled in). After evesdropping on people in the waiting room, I learned that the average time to see a doctor seemed to be about 6 hours. SIX HOURS!? My roommate Jia came with me and I had her track down other locations that I could go to because obviously I was going to have to wait until daylight to see a doctor. We headed off to o'connor hospital (a private hopital) where the waiting room was deserted. I was escorted into a room in less than 30 minutes and diagnosed with bronchitis with a possibility of walking pneumonia. After an EKG and a chest X-ray, I was given a prescription for two types of medication and an inhalor type device.
7am. Jia and I walked out of the hospital. the sun was rising and the birds were chirping. We headed off to walgreens to get my medication and then headed home. Oh my goodness.
I guess I could chalk it up as "one of those experiences". But as I left o'connor hopital at 7am, I couldn't help thinking about those people that I had sat with in the waiting room at valley med. I wondered if they were still waiting to see a doctor at 7am. I'm sure that valley med was packed with those who could not afford insurance and possibly illegal immigrants who don't even qualify for insurance. While I had a choice of which facility i could go to for emergency services (I picked valley med because it was closer), I'm wondering how many of those people could not go anywhere but the county hospital.
I work at a non-profit community health organization that, among other services, provides insurance for kids in low-income families. After seeing the disparity between those who are fortunate to receive prompt and personal care and others who have no choice but to wait 6 hours to see a doctor, it made me realize how vital quality health services are. Sunday morning's adventures reminded me how fortunate I am to have health insurance and amazed at the process that you have to go through if you're sick or hurt and have no way to pay for these services.
So I guess this fiasco gave me a renewed sense of admiration for my friends studying to be in the medical profession and a greater understanding of the value of the organization I work for. I guess in almost every situation, there's always something to think about.
2:30-3am, Sunday morning. When I walked into valley medical center's ER with a heavy chest and a tight cough, all I could think about was how I wanted to feel well again. I sat in the waiting room for almost three stinking hours in a county hospital waiting room probably comparable to a boring episode of ER.
5am. I was still in the waiting room. The thing was, all I had was a painful cough. I could have been in and out in 30 minutes. A person had to be bleeding, pregnant or near death to get any service (believe me, I saw a few of these people who were immediately shuttled in). After evesdropping on people in the waiting room, I learned that the average time to see a doctor seemed to be about 6 hours. SIX HOURS!? My roommate Jia came with me and I had her track down other locations that I could go to because obviously I was going to have to wait until daylight to see a doctor. We headed off to o'connor hospital (a private hopital) where the waiting room was deserted. I was escorted into a room in less than 30 minutes and diagnosed with bronchitis with a possibility of walking pneumonia. After an EKG and a chest X-ray, I was given a prescription for two types of medication and an inhalor type device.
7am. Jia and I walked out of the hospital. the sun was rising and the birds were chirping. We headed off to walgreens to get my medication and then headed home. Oh my goodness.
I guess I could chalk it up as "one of those experiences". But as I left o'connor hopital at 7am, I couldn't help thinking about those people that I had sat with in the waiting room at valley med. I wondered if they were still waiting to see a doctor at 7am. I'm sure that valley med was packed with those who could not afford insurance and possibly illegal immigrants who don't even qualify for insurance. While I had a choice of which facility i could go to for emergency services (I picked valley med because it was closer), I'm wondering how many of those people could not go anywhere but the county hospital.
I work at a non-profit community health organization that, among other services, provides insurance for kids in low-income families. After seeing the disparity between those who are fortunate to receive prompt and personal care and others who have no choice but to wait 6 hours to see a doctor, it made me realize how vital quality health services are. Sunday morning's adventures reminded me how fortunate I am to have health insurance and amazed at the process that you have to go through if you're sick or hurt and have no way to pay for these services.
So I guess this fiasco gave me a renewed sense of admiration for my friends studying to be in the medical profession and a greater understanding of the value of the organization I work for. I guess in almost every situation, there's always something to think about.
11/27/2001
annual brush with stardom
Guess who was at the coffee place when we were last Friday? Yes, Shaquille O'Neal. I was so concerned about not running into anyone I knew, I didn't even notice someone that everyone always brags about running into. One of my friend's friends who happened to be there when we were (see what I mean?) saw him.
Last Thanksgiving, I was hanging out again in LA with a few friends when I saw Jennifer Lopez and Puff Daddy (aka J.Lo and P.Diddy). I guess running into stars must be a yearly event. Ah, my life is so glamorous. Ha.
Guess who was at the coffee place when we were last Friday? Yes, Shaquille O'Neal. I was so concerned about not running into anyone I knew, I didn't even notice someone that everyone always brags about running into. One of my friend's friends who happened to be there when we were (see what I mean?) saw him.
Last Thanksgiving, I was hanging out again in LA with a few friends when I saw Jennifer Lopez and Puff Daddy (aka J.Lo and P.Diddy). I guess running into stars must be a yearly event. Ah, my life is so glamorous. Ha.
11/24/2001
old friends
It's really late and I couldn't sleep. I just keep thinking about tonight and how our lives are so interconnected... Here's what happened:
There is always the possibility for an uncomfortable, awkward, shocking run-in with an old friend/acquaintance/classmate when I return home for the holidays. Normally I prefer to hide in my house and only make quick outings to meet up with select friends in more secluded settings. However today I met up with three friends, one for an afternoon coffee and the other two for late-night dessert/coffee. The potential for the ever-so awkward "oh, hey, um, so what are you doing now?" conversation doubled during the second rendezvous with my two friends.
The risky part: We decided to go to a coffee shop that's notorious for random run-ins. Since I was with my two friends, I figured, hey, strength in numbers, right? It turns out that one of my closest friends from high school, whom I lost contact with when I went off to college, works there. It took the entire 3 hours that we were there for me to run-in to her. It was great to see her and I was definitely taken aback to see her. Along with seeing an old friend, I also noticed an entire table of people who I met through a friend's church. I avoided their glances and they managed to leave without having the dreaded awkward conversation. Phew. That story is for another entry.
Bumping into people you know whom you haven't seen in ages is kinda stressful for me in that I never know what to say and in my mind I'm thinking, gosh, did I make any sort of effort to keep in touch? Are they happy to see me and just as weirded out? How do I look? Yes indeed, I do think about the third question a lot although I hate to admit it. Anyway, I'm kinda reeling in that I've seen a lot of old friends today and talked a lot about the past. It's kinda nice to be talking about old times as I've been so focused on the work that I've been doing.
Okay, so sure, the run-in wasn't so random as I went to a place notorious for this. However, I'm thankful for these random run-ins, however awkward, because I know that in these brief meetings, I often reconnect with people who were a very significant part of my life. Maybe next time I'm at home, I'll think more about coming out of hiding and reconnecting with those who were in my life, even if we have grown up and grown apart.
It's really late and I couldn't sleep. I just keep thinking about tonight and how our lives are so interconnected... Here's what happened:
There is always the possibility for an uncomfortable, awkward, shocking run-in with an old friend/acquaintance/classmate when I return home for the holidays. Normally I prefer to hide in my house and only make quick outings to meet up with select friends in more secluded settings. However today I met up with three friends, one for an afternoon coffee and the other two for late-night dessert/coffee. The potential for the ever-so awkward "oh, hey, um, so what are you doing now?" conversation doubled during the second rendezvous with my two friends.
The risky part: We decided to go to a coffee shop that's notorious for random run-ins. Since I was with my two friends, I figured, hey, strength in numbers, right? It turns out that one of my closest friends from high school, whom I lost contact with when I went off to college, works there. It took the entire 3 hours that we were there for me to run-in to her. It was great to see her and I was definitely taken aback to see her. Along with seeing an old friend, I also noticed an entire table of people who I met through a friend's church. I avoided their glances and they managed to leave without having the dreaded awkward conversation. Phew. That story is for another entry.
Bumping into people you know whom you haven't seen in ages is kinda stressful for me in that I never know what to say and in my mind I'm thinking, gosh, did I make any sort of effort to keep in touch? Are they happy to see me and just as weirded out? How do I look? Yes indeed, I do think about the third question a lot although I hate to admit it. Anyway, I'm kinda reeling in that I've seen a lot of old friends today and talked a lot about the past. It's kinda nice to be talking about old times as I've been so focused on the work that I've been doing.
Okay, so sure, the run-in wasn't so random as I went to a place notorious for this. However, I'm thankful for these random run-ins, however awkward, because I know that in these brief meetings, I often reconnect with people who were a very significant part of my life. Maybe next time I'm at home, I'll think more about coming out of hiding and reconnecting with those who were in my life, even if we have grown up and grown apart.
11/01/2001
thanks gorgeous
The first rainy day of the season was on Tuesday and of course, I was recruited to fill in as a volunteer for a Meals on Wheels route. Since I’m supposed to do “site visits” for all the programs I work with, I agreed to brave the rain and pack up my car. Besides, I loved seeing the faces of those senior citizens and disabled people when I delivered their meals at lunchtime.
Everything was going smoothly – that is, until I made my first delivery. Apparently my car decided that locking the door when the engine is running is a good idea, regardless of whether there’s anyone in the car or not. So after I delivered the meal, I ran through the heavy sprinkle, to discover that I had locked my keys in my car with the engine running. Luckily I left my trunk open.
My initial reaction was one of horror – “I’m the volunteer coordinator and I can’t even coordinate my own volunteer efforts!” and then panic “Oh no, the meals… those poor old people will starve!” and then madness “I think I can use the heel of my boot to break the window…” I spent a half an hour on the phone at the client’s home – i'm thinking oh my goodness, he’s disabled and can barely walk and I’m in there asking to borrow a hanger, his phone… I felt like I was horribly abusing him and hoped that my stupidity wouldn’t reflect poorly on the Meals on Wheels program. I learned a few things from this experience:
1. I’m no longer on my parent’s AAA plan. Oh, so this is why I need to get my own AAA membership…
2. Cell phones are a useless “security measure” if they’re locked securely in the car and you aren’t.
3. Locking your keys in the car with the engine running is very stupid and can be accomplished by even the most rational and intelligent human being.
So after calling AAA and promising them I’d pay when the tow truck driver came, I managed to use a long stick-like thing in my car to open the window (which was already open a crack). Ah. I was only 30 minutes delayed in delivering the meals, but I know that older people rely on the routine for their health. When I finally arrived at the homes, they were all so thankful. They greeted me with comments like “Thanks gorgeous” and “I hope your day goes better.” I was touched by their understanding and thankful for their gratefulness. Once again, I’m humbled by examples of mercy and grace, things I so desperately need but often fail to give.
The first rainy day of the season was on Tuesday and of course, I was recruited to fill in as a volunteer for a Meals on Wheels route. Since I’m supposed to do “site visits” for all the programs I work with, I agreed to brave the rain and pack up my car. Besides, I loved seeing the faces of those senior citizens and disabled people when I delivered their meals at lunchtime.
Everything was going smoothly – that is, until I made my first delivery. Apparently my car decided that locking the door when the engine is running is a good idea, regardless of whether there’s anyone in the car or not. So after I delivered the meal, I ran through the heavy sprinkle, to discover that I had locked my keys in my car with the engine running. Luckily I left my trunk open.
My initial reaction was one of horror – “I’m the volunteer coordinator and I can’t even coordinate my own volunteer efforts!” and then panic “Oh no, the meals… those poor old people will starve!” and then madness “I think I can use the heel of my boot to break the window…” I spent a half an hour on the phone at the client’s home – i'm thinking oh my goodness, he’s disabled and can barely walk and I’m in there asking to borrow a hanger, his phone… I felt like I was horribly abusing him and hoped that my stupidity wouldn’t reflect poorly on the Meals on Wheels program. I learned a few things from this experience:
1. I’m no longer on my parent’s AAA plan. Oh, so this is why I need to get my own AAA membership…
2. Cell phones are a useless “security measure” if they’re locked securely in the car and you aren’t.
3. Locking your keys in the car with the engine running is very stupid and can be accomplished by even the most rational and intelligent human being.
So after calling AAA and promising them I’d pay when the tow truck driver came, I managed to use a long stick-like thing in my car to open the window (which was already open a crack). Ah. I was only 30 minutes delayed in delivering the meals, but I know that older people rely on the routine for their health. When I finally arrived at the homes, they were all so thankful. They greeted me with comments like “Thanks gorgeous” and “I hope your day goes better.” I was touched by their understanding and thankful for their gratefulness. Once again, I’m humbled by examples of mercy and grace, things I so desperately need but often fail to give.
10/16/2001
let there be light!
On Friday, they fixed the electricity in my bathroom (I took a shower just to celebrate the occassion) and set up the cable. I can't believe I spent two weeks showering, peeing, etc in almost total darkness.
On Sunday morning I participated in the Walk for AIDS in San Jose. I was only able to walk the shortened route because I had to get to church, but it was quite moving. The last part of the walk was called "Memory Lane" and featured moving facts about AIDS. When we got to the path, I noticed that everyone was so quiet. It was pretty moving.
On Friday, they fixed the electricity in my bathroom (I took a shower just to celebrate the occassion) and set up the cable. I can't believe I spent two weeks showering, peeing, etc in almost total darkness.
On Sunday morning I participated in the Walk for AIDS in San Jose. I was only able to walk the shortened route because I had to get to church, but it was quite moving. The last part of the walk was called "Memory Lane" and featured moving facts about AIDS. When we got to the path, I noticed that everyone was so quiet. It was pretty moving.
10/10/2001
until i'm ready
"You can try and teach someone how to do something, but they won't learn anything until they're ready." That's what I was reminded of today when talking to my supervisor. We're bombared by little life lessons all day, but most of the time, we disregard them. I'm not saying that you have to look for meaning in every single thing (I'm sure you'd go crazy), but personally, I think I over look a lot of lessons in my daily rush to make life work for me. It's not until I throw up my hands in frustration and surrender my daily struggle that I really get the chance to see how I'm growing and learning. So I guess it's not that we're not learning every moment of our life, we're just not realizing the education we are getting until we open our eyes and "ready" ourselves to see what has changed and moved us.
"You can try and teach someone how to do something, but they won't learn anything until they're ready." That's what I was reminded of today when talking to my supervisor. We're bombared by little life lessons all day, but most of the time, we disregard them. I'm not saying that you have to look for meaning in every single thing (I'm sure you'd go crazy), but personally, I think I over look a lot of lessons in my daily rush to make life work for me. It's not until I throw up my hands in frustration and surrender my daily struggle that I really get the chance to see how I'm growing and learning. So I guess it's not that we're not learning every moment of our life, we're just not realizing the education we are getting until we open our eyes and "ready" ourselves to see what has changed and moved us.
10/04/2001
home sweet home
It's been four days since I've taken a shower with the light on. Although I love the romance of peeing by candlelight, I'm amazed at the rapid deterioration of our house in the past week. On top of half of the electricity being out in our house (apparently the wiring is all messed up), hundreds of yellowjackets invaded my roommates' room and ate a hole through their ceiling. There's a mess of tape covering the scene, but the wasp carcasses littering their room was a nasty sight. After these two incidences, I was sure that the end was near. But last night after work, my roommate reported that the cable was out. Noooooooo!!! My plans of watching the new West Wing and Enterprise (Phil's must-see) at the house were scrapped.
I know, I know, in light of "Sept 11" I should be grateful that I'm still alive, healthy and my loved ones are still around. But dude, what's going on? From the outside, our house looks like the nicest one on our cul-de-sac. Inside, it's a palace compared to the dumps that I've lived in this past year. Looks are deceiving I guess. So anyway, I guess it's a blessing that I have a place to crash each night, electricity or no electricity. I'll try to stop complaining.
It's been four days since I've taken a shower with the light on. Although I love the romance of peeing by candlelight, I'm amazed at the rapid deterioration of our house in the past week. On top of half of the electricity being out in our house (apparently the wiring is all messed up), hundreds of yellowjackets invaded my roommates' room and ate a hole through their ceiling. There's a mess of tape covering the scene, but the wasp carcasses littering their room was a nasty sight. After these two incidences, I was sure that the end was near. But last night after work, my roommate reported that the cable was out. Noooooooo!!! My plans of watching the new West Wing and Enterprise (Phil's must-see) at the house were scrapped.
I know, I know, in light of "Sept 11" I should be grateful that I'm still alive, healthy and my loved ones are still around. But dude, what's going on? From the outside, our house looks like the nicest one on our cul-de-sac. Inside, it's a palace compared to the dumps that I've lived in this past year. Looks are deceiving I guess. So anyway, I guess it's a blessing that I have a place to crash each night, electricity or no electricity. I'll try to stop complaining.
10/03/2001
hero
A fellow "ally" (that's what the people in my americorps program are called) sang that cheesy Mariah Carey song at a coffeehouse last night. I went with minsoo and met up with some of the other allies to cheer her on. She did a great job considering the fact that she had never sung in public before last night. It was one of her "dreams" to sing in front of a crowd, and last night she did it. Truthfully, a part of me was kind of apathetic to that aspiration. I hate singing in public (trauma from church choir), I have a family full of beautiful singers and I see a lot of my friends do it regularly at the Noraebangs. But then I started thinking about the dreams that I have and the fears that still hold me back and it reminds me that part of our individual realities is our dreams and fears. We all have different experiences that create fear and empowers us to have dreams.
It also reminded me of my "brush with death." Okay, okay, it wasn't that dramatic. Our first training event for Public Allies was an overnight deal and on the second day we did a bunch of teambuilding/communication exercises in the woods. One of them was a high ropes course. At first it looked easy. You had to climb up a rope ladder/tunnel to the top where there was a wooden platform. You'd hook your caribiners into the tree and then transfer them to the ropes above your head. Once you've tied them to the ropes, you grab onto another set of ropes and then cross between trees on tightropes, rope ladders that swing and basically, really scary moving ropes. It looked like a challenge I wanted to take.
But when I climbed up the rope ladder and went to hook my caribiner in, reality set it - I was too stinkin' short. In order for me to clip myself onto the ropes (and not plunge to my death), I need to scale the huge redwood tree. Every part of my body was trembling. When I managed to climb the tree, I realized my arms were too stinkin' short to reach the high rope that my caribiner needed to be hooked to. I got back on the platform and for what seemed like 10-20 minutes (probably more like 5), I stood there shaking and shouting down to the other allies, "Um, guys, I don't think I can do it, I don't think I can do it." They kept shouting back annoying encouragement like "You can do it!" and "You're awesome!"
One of the women who was leading this exercise said "Just take one step at a time." One step at a time!? Whatdya mean one step? The next step could be death! Anyway, I climbed up the tree, somehow managed to clip my caribiner onto the rope and took my first step onto the rope. I managed to make it across the entire high-ropes course, covered with dirt and sweat and shaking like a leaf. While some of the allies were naturals, I was scared and challenged by this course.
So last night, even though her singing debut might not have been the scariest, most daring act to some, I'm proud of her for taking that first step to overcoming fears and realizing her dreams. Sometimes I wish that I was as bold.
A fellow "ally" (that's what the people in my americorps program are called) sang that cheesy Mariah Carey song at a coffeehouse last night. I went with minsoo and met up with some of the other allies to cheer her on. She did a great job considering the fact that she had never sung in public before last night. It was one of her "dreams" to sing in front of a crowd, and last night she did it. Truthfully, a part of me was kind of apathetic to that aspiration. I hate singing in public (trauma from church choir), I have a family full of beautiful singers and I see a lot of my friends do it regularly at the Noraebangs. But then I started thinking about the dreams that I have and the fears that still hold me back and it reminds me that part of our individual realities is our dreams and fears. We all have different experiences that create fear and empowers us to have dreams.
It also reminded me of my "brush with death." Okay, okay, it wasn't that dramatic. Our first training event for Public Allies was an overnight deal and on the second day we did a bunch of teambuilding/communication exercises in the woods. One of them was a high ropes course. At first it looked easy. You had to climb up a rope ladder/tunnel to the top where there was a wooden platform. You'd hook your caribiners into the tree and then transfer them to the ropes above your head. Once you've tied them to the ropes, you grab onto another set of ropes and then cross between trees on tightropes, rope ladders that swing and basically, really scary moving ropes. It looked like a challenge I wanted to take.
But when I climbed up the rope ladder and went to hook my caribiner in, reality set it - I was too stinkin' short. In order for me to clip myself onto the ropes (and not plunge to my death), I need to scale the huge redwood tree. Every part of my body was trembling. When I managed to climb the tree, I realized my arms were too stinkin' short to reach the high rope that my caribiner needed to be hooked to. I got back on the platform and for what seemed like 10-20 minutes (probably more like 5), I stood there shaking and shouting down to the other allies, "Um, guys, I don't think I can do it, I don't think I can do it." They kept shouting back annoying encouragement like "You can do it!" and "You're awesome!"
One of the women who was leading this exercise said "Just take one step at a time." One step at a time!? Whatdya mean one step? The next step could be death! Anyway, I climbed up the tree, somehow managed to clip my caribiner onto the rope and took my first step onto the rope. I managed to make it across the entire high-ropes course, covered with dirt and sweat and shaking like a leaf. While some of the allies were naturals, I was scared and challenged by this course.
So last night, even though her singing debut might not have been the scariest, most daring act to some, I'm proud of her for taking that first step to overcoming fears and realizing her dreams. Sometimes I wish that I was as bold.
9/25/2001
changes
It's been a crazy month - personally, professionally and globally. I quit my job, joined an Americorps program called Public Allies, moved to the South Bay (San Jose area, that is) went through two weeks of training and here I am, a cubicle dweller. This time I'm hoping that there will be more meaning in what I do. What exactly do I do? Well, Tuesday through Friday, I work at a non-profit community health organization as the volunteer coordinator and event planner. On Mondays, I meet with the rest of my Public Allies "class" for "training" on community issues such as youth development and community asset building. This time at Public Allies has been pretty crazy. From climbing up trees on high-ropes courses, to having heated debates about "diversity," I have learned that I will be challenged in many different ways this year. I can't say right now if this is going to be "life-changing," but I know that I will certainly be stretched and moved in ways that I haven't been this past year.
Whew and thinking about changes...It's been a year since I packed up all of my possession in my car and drove from Southern to Northern California in hopes of different opportunities. As far as I can tell, this past year has matured me. But at the same time, I've also learned that I really have a lot of growing up to do.
It's been a crazy month - personally, professionally and globally. I quit my job, joined an Americorps program called Public Allies, moved to the South Bay (San Jose area, that is) went through two weeks of training and here I am, a cubicle dweller. This time I'm hoping that there will be more meaning in what I do. What exactly do I do? Well, Tuesday through Friday, I work at a non-profit community health organization as the volunteer coordinator and event planner. On Mondays, I meet with the rest of my Public Allies "class" for "training" on community issues such as youth development and community asset building. This time at Public Allies has been pretty crazy. From climbing up trees on high-ropes courses, to having heated debates about "diversity," I have learned that I will be challenged in many different ways this year. I can't say right now if this is going to be "life-changing," but I know that I will certainly be stretched and moved in ways that I haven't been this past year.
Whew and thinking about changes...It's been a year since I packed up all of my possession in my car and drove from Southern to Northern California in hopes of different opportunities. As far as I can tell, this past year has matured me. But at the same time, I've also learned that I really have a lot of growing up to do.
8/21/2001
lesson learned
Several hours after I wrote that last post, I checked my voice mail to discover that the Public Allies contact had called me back and offered me a position at an agency, solidifying my role as an ally. Later on that day I was also notified that I was offered another position, which was my first choice.
It's kinda funny how God's timing works. I guess there was a lesson to be learned in all of this and he waited until I was ready to hear it.
So I put my two weeks notice in. It felt so exhilarating. This past weekend I looked for apartments with my friend Jia and we found a great house to share with three other people. So it looks like I'm all set. Wow.
Several hours after I wrote that last post, I checked my voice mail to discover that the Public Allies contact had called me back and offered me a position at an agency, solidifying my role as an ally. Later on that day I was also notified that I was offered another position, which was my first choice.
It's kinda funny how God's timing works. I guess there was a lesson to be learned in all of this and he waited until I was ready to hear it.
So I put my two weeks notice in. It felt so exhilarating. This past weekend I looked for apartments with my friend Jia and we found a great house to share with three other people. So it looks like I'm all set. Wow.
8/17/2001
wyrgan
I hate waiting. Last night at the BNL concert, I was yelling at the other cars in the parking lot, becoming irate when, after 10 minutes, we still hadn't moved an inch. Right now I'm in agony because I was supposed to hear from the Public Allies people whether I was placed at an agency YESTERDAY and they still haven't called me back. I think impatience also stems from my inherent need to plan/organize/schedule every aspect of my life... which of course, is an impossible feat. Think about it: why do you need to wait around if everything is scheduled for you?
Could it be that my "gift/talent/knack" for planning is also a curse?? I guess what this really proves is that I lack faith -- more specifically, faith in God's good plan for me and for his providence in my life (which He has proved to me over and over again). Of course it's easy for me to say this in conversation: "Oh yes, I know it's all in God's plan"... but to really internalize that in my heart and bring myself to trust some unknown plan wholeheartedly -- especially when what happens is God's way and not what I had planned? Pshaw.
Worrying, as I've been reminded again and again, is useless (one of the most convicting quotes is from Matthew 6). Here's some of the definitions I found on "worry":
- To feel uneasy or concerned about something; be troubled. See Synonyms at brood.
- To pull or tear at something with or as if with the teeth.
- To proceed doggedly in the face of difficulty or hardship; struggle: worried along at the problem.
- persistent mental uneasiness
Check out the history of this word:
"Worrying may shorten one's life, but not as quickly as it once did. The ancestor of our word, Old English wyrgan, meant “to strangle.” Its Middle English descendant, worien, kept this sense and developed the new sense “to grasp by the throat with the teeth and lacerate” or “to kill or injure by biting and shaking.” This is the way wolves or dogs might attack sheep, for example. In the 16th century worry began to be used in the sense “to harass, as by rough treatment or attack,” or “to assault verbally,” and in the 17th century the word took on the sense “to bother, distress, or persecute.” It was a small step from this sense to the main modern senses “to cause to feel anxious or distressed” and “to feel troubled or uneasy,” first recorded in the 19th century."
Whoa, some stuff to think about.... worrying is derived from the word "to strangle"?? It brings a whole new perspective on this word/action. Yeah, if I had a list of things I'd like to change about myself, I'd say that I'd like to worry less.
Matthew 6:25-34
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life[1] ? "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, `What shall we eat?' or `What shall we drink?' or `What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
I hate waiting. Last night at the BNL concert, I was yelling at the other cars in the parking lot, becoming irate when, after 10 minutes, we still hadn't moved an inch. Right now I'm in agony because I was supposed to hear from the Public Allies people whether I was placed at an agency YESTERDAY and they still haven't called me back. I think impatience also stems from my inherent need to plan/organize/schedule every aspect of my life... which of course, is an impossible feat. Think about it: why do you need to wait around if everything is scheduled for you?
Could it be that my "gift/talent/knack" for planning is also a curse?? I guess what this really proves is that I lack faith -- more specifically, faith in God's good plan for me and for his providence in my life (which He has proved to me over and over again). Of course it's easy for me to say this in conversation: "Oh yes, I know it's all in God's plan"... but to really internalize that in my heart and bring myself to trust some unknown plan wholeheartedly -- especially when what happens is God's way and not what I had planned? Pshaw.
Worrying, as I've been reminded again and again, is useless (one of the most convicting quotes is from Matthew 6). Here's some of the definitions I found on "worry":
- To feel uneasy or concerned about something; be troubled. See Synonyms at brood.
- To pull or tear at something with or as if with the teeth.
- To proceed doggedly in the face of difficulty or hardship; struggle: worried along at the problem.
- persistent mental uneasiness
Check out the history of this word:
"Worrying may shorten one's life, but not as quickly as it once did. The ancestor of our word, Old English wyrgan, meant “to strangle.” Its Middle English descendant, worien, kept this sense and developed the new sense “to grasp by the throat with the teeth and lacerate” or “to kill or injure by biting and shaking.” This is the way wolves or dogs might attack sheep, for example. In the 16th century worry began to be used in the sense “to harass, as by rough treatment or attack,” or “to assault verbally,” and in the 17th century the word took on the sense “to bother, distress, or persecute.” It was a small step from this sense to the main modern senses “to cause to feel anxious or distressed” and “to feel troubled or uneasy,” first recorded in the 19th century."
Whoa, some stuff to think about.... worrying is derived from the word "to strangle"?? It brings a whole new perspective on this word/action. Yeah, if I had a list of things I'd like to change about myself, I'd say that I'd like to worry less.
Matthew 6:25-34
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life[1] ? "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, `What shall we eat?' or `What shall we drink?' or `What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
8/16/2001
"diversity" part 2
Have you ever noticed how white people always try to relate to the "struggle"?? Friday after work I went out for drinks with my co-workers to send off two of our fellow admin slave who were laid off. I ended up sitting next to one of the people (a filipino guy, i think) who got laid off and sitting across from one of my fairer-skinned co-workers. We were just chatting about music and "white girl" (as I will now call her), mentioned going to an Erykah Badu concert and how it was most a "black" crowd (note: white girl whispered the word "black" during the entire conversation) and that the women there kept loudly talking about how white women were trophies for black men, etc. I was like, whoa.... Then she started going into the fact that her mom only dated black men and I guess married one or something. She also lived in Milwaukee, WI, which apparently has a big "black" population. According to "white girl" almost all of her friends were "black" when she was growing up. Um, alright.
So while we're sitting here, I'm wondering why she brought this all up and although I'm enjoying speaking to her about her diverse circle of friends/acquaintances, I have a funny feeling that this conversation was brought out due to the fact that she was sitting with two "colored" people (note: said in a whisper).
I've been struggling to try to fit this interaction into a "that's racist!!" moment or a "wow, she's down with the people!" attitude. However I can't. I give her props for her experiences (she was also in an Americorps program at an inner city YMCA) and I honestly enjoyed talking to her about other things besides lay-offs and our evil bosses. But at the same time, I couldn't help but feel very "ethnic," as if "the minorities" been singled out for this conversation topic. If my laid-off co-worker and I had been white, would the same type of conversation have taken place? I don't know. It's a fine line we walk between being over-sensitive about ethnicity and being aware of our differences and speaking boldly about them. Hm, more thoughts later.
Have you ever noticed how white people always try to relate to the "struggle"?? Friday after work I went out for drinks with my co-workers to send off two of our fellow admin slave who were laid off. I ended up sitting next to one of the people (a filipino guy, i think) who got laid off and sitting across from one of my fairer-skinned co-workers. We were just chatting about music and "white girl" (as I will now call her), mentioned going to an Erykah Badu concert and how it was most a "black" crowd (note: white girl whispered the word "black" during the entire conversation) and that the women there kept loudly talking about how white women were trophies for black men, etc. I was like, whoa.... Then she started going into the fact that her mom only dated black men and I guess married one or something. She also lived in Milwaukee, WI, which apparently has a big "black" population. According to "white girl" almost all of her friends were "black" when she was growing up. Um, alright.
So while we're sitting here, I'm wondering why she brought this all up and although I'm enjoying speaking to her about her diverse circle of friends/acquaintances, I have a funny feeling that this conversation was brought out due to the fact that she was sitting with two "colored" people (note: said in a whisper).
I've been struggling to try to fit this interaction into a "that's racist!!" moment or a "wow, she's down with the people!" attitude. However I can't. I give her props for her experiences (she was also in an Americorps program at an inner city YMCA) and I honestly enjoyed talking to her about other things besides lay-offs and our evil bosses. But at the same time, I couldn't help but feel very "ethnic," as if "the minorities" been singled out for this conversation topic. If my laid-off co-worker and I had been white, would the same type of conversation have taken place? I don't know. It's a fine line we walk between being over-sensitive about ethnicity and being aware of our differences and speaking boldly about them. Hm, more thoughts later.
8/15/2001
"diversity"
On saturday I was in my apartment eating lunch when I heard these loud booming sounds. I live in an area where it's not unusual to hear cars drive by at all hours blasting their car stereos, sub-woofers at full volume. So I figured it was some punk kid wanting to show off for his neighbors (because you know how impressed we are with big... car stereos). The booming continued, though and so I peeked out my window to see a pick-up truck with a drum and a huge gong-like thing on it's flatbed and people pounding away at these instruments. Then I remembered - the festival in J-town! There were actually two trucks with percussion instruments and about 15 people on the sidewalks all dressed in similar clothes, escorting two "dragons" (people wearing those dragon heads you see at chinatown parades) down the street, on their way to Japantown. They'd stop at shops along my street and dance in front of the windows, sometimes going inside and riling up the customers. Anyway, it was quite a site. I opened up my bay window, sat down, and took in the show.
Later that day, I drove down to the south bay to see minsoo. As always, 19th avenue was bumper-to-bumper. Eventually I ended up driving behind a bunch of motorcycles. There were about 7 motorcycles and it seemed like they were all following one person at the front (a hog tour? I dunno). Since it was stop-and-go all the way from about sloat to sfsu, I had plenty of time to check out the hog brigade. One thing I thought was cool was that a woman was heading up the pack. I thought, wow, that's cool, she looks tough (as i only saw her from behind). She was really "thick" (not round... thick) and had this big blond hair that she tied at the nape of her neck. Anyway, as we started to get onto the 280, I sped up and had an opportunity to check out this crowd in action. It was then that I noticed -- the leader of the pack was a guy!!! AND the "blond hair" was really a dead racoon that he was wearing on his head - Davy Crockett-style!!
Yes indeed, it's all about diversity.
On saturday I was in my apartment eating lunch when I heard these loud booming sounds. I live in an area where it's not unusual to hear cars drive by at all hours blasting their car stereos, sub-woofers at full volume. So I figured it was some punk kid wanting to show off for his neighbors (because you know how impressed we are with big... car stereos). The booming continued, though and so I peeked out my window to see a pick-up truck with a drum and a huge gong-like thing on it's flatbed and people pounding away at these instruments. Then I remembered - the festival in J-town! There were actually two trucks with percussion instruments and about 15 people on the sidewalks all dressed in similar clothes, escorting two "dragons" (people wearing those dragon heads you see at chinatown parades) down the street, on their way to Japantown. They'd stop at shops along my street and dance in front of the windows, sometimes going inside and riling up the customers. Anyway, it was quite a site. I opened up my bay window, sat down, and took in the show.
Later that day, I drove down to the south bay to see minsoo. As always, 19th avenue was bumper-to-bumper. Eventually I ended up driving behind a bunch of motorcycles. There were about 7 motorcycles and it seemed like they were all following one person at the front (a hog tour? I dunno). Since it was stop-and-go all the way from about sloat to sfsu, I had plenty of time to check out the hog brigade. One thing I thought was cool was that a woman was heading up the pack. I thought, wow, that's cool, she looks tough (as i only saw her from behind). She was really "thick" (not round... thick) and had this big blond hair that she tied at the nape of her neck. Anyway, as we started to get onto the 280, I sped up and had an opportunity to check out this crowd in action. It was then that I noticed -- the leader of the pack was a guy!!! AND the "blond hair" was really a dead racoon that he was wearing on his head - Davy Crockett-style!!
Yes indeed, it's all about diversity.
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