venting
Today was one of those days that I think to myself, "How did I get here? At what point in my career decision-making process did I think this job was a good idea?" Whoever said that working with kids was a good idea was W-R-O-N-G. Okay, I'm done.

Rough day? You could say that. Today was the first day that one of the kids in my group was suspended. It was also the first day of program. I'm working on the second suspension. Let's see how day 2 goes.

taking hammer's advice
Tomorrow is the first day of the second semester of the afterschool program I work for. Despite the amount of work I've put into making this program work, I'm kinda dreading the first day. It's 11:30 and I should be sleeping instead of writing how much I'm dreading work tomorrow. Guess it's just like MC Hammer says: I gotta pray, (PRAY!) pray, (PRAY!), I gotta pray just to make it today. Should I ask God for wisdom? Or maybe more patience? Or how about praying that I will win the lottery...

blog-mania
I'm not mincing words today. Kristina -- you be crazy sista. I personally don't mind missing the beauty of snow, etc. The green mountains are pretty nice around here, especially when it's 65 degrees. Actually, I'm pretty weak sauce, so I even complain about the Northern vs. So Cal weather.

So blog madness has blown up with full force. It seems as if I get an "I got a blog!" e-mail every week. I know I'm not as old school as minsoo or some others, but the trend has surprised me. A part of me is unsure about this madness because it means that more people will be tuning in to my lame commentary on my life (via links on popular pages) and discovering that I've had a blog for a year and a half and haven't shared it with most of my friends. At the same time, it's good to be in touch with people via the web.

Work update... we have 45+ kids signed up for our program, which is AMAZING. Last semester we had 12 kids show up on the first day and maxed out at 21... This semester we're actually going to need a waiting list. Aw yeah. Program starts on Monday... I better start bracing myself.

blog war
Nice sell, Tricia. (read Tricia's blog.) To her attempts to diss my California, I only have one thing to say: Don't knock it 'til you try it. Believe me, once you go West coast you never go back.

*Sigh* I enjoy verbally sparing with my friends via blogger. It almost makes me believe that I'm actually in regular communication with my friends from NU. It's sad that I must "catch up" with my pals by reading weblogs or hearing the latest from whomever wanders out to Northern California. I was reading Hannah's blog and it made me want to go back to the days of dorm rooms, long talks until 2 a.m. and some solid girl time. I'm often surprised at how I became so close to women who came from different parts of the country and seemingly shared nothing in common with me except for my faith. I can't tell you how much I miss that. No matter how much I really try and replicate that out here, it never feels the same as hanging out at Norris drinking Italian sodas and speculating about our futures.

Ladies, I'm planning a trip out to Chicago sometime soon... after the snow, of course ;)

the flick n' float incident
My DSL connection is back up at my new apartment. Ahhh, now it feels like home.

How about another tale from middle school? (The middle school I work at, not a flashback from my middle school days)...

The afterschool program I'm helping to build at the school has already developed the reputation for being the new kids who screw around all day. Whenever anything at the school is misplaced, the kids are loud or there's a funny smell in the halls who do the teachers and administrators blame? Yes, the afterschool program. We have been accused of taking supplies (well, okay, some of our kids have sticky fingers), smoking in one of the rooms we use (even though none of the staff smokes) and not making the kids be quiet in the halls (okay, okay, you got us on that one.) We've had a pretty good streak, until this past week...

To recruit kids, we made a bunch of fun signs to hang above the halls. One of our most creative signs said, "Ever swam in a pool and watched a movie at the same time? Join Citizen Schools and do Flick and Float!" What is flick and float, you ask? The YMCA projects a movie onto the wall above the pool and kids sit in flotation devices and watch the flick. Yes, sounds like fun, eh? We thought that it would be a big draw. However, an hour after we put up the signs, we noticed that this particular one had been taken down. We suspected some punk kids did it. The next morning, the principal comes into our office holding the sign. He had taken it down after a few teachers pointed out the questionable content. Questionable content?!?! Apparently my co-worker had used all capital letters to write the sign. Unfortunately, when you spell "flick" using all caps, it looks like.... yeah, you guessed it. Fortunately, the faculty laughed it off and we used it as our schtick for the rest of the week.

Can't we do anything right? I feel like I'm on a sitcom sometimes...

a challenge
Right now minsoo and I are partners in fierce challenge. This challenge involves residency interviews and our NU Med school pals. As I read blogs from other NU friends vying for the relocation of our med school pals, I only have one things to say: 65 DEGREES IN JANUARY. Beat that sucka. Not to seem hostile or the least bit competitive, but tricialae and couscous, consider the gauntlet thrown. Pshaw, the 'Lou. California's the place to be. Bring it on.

paradise
I had the perfect weekend in LA (Redondo Beach to be exact). It took us 6 hours to drive from San Jose to Redondo including a stop at in-and-out in Kettleman City and a bathroom stop at the grapevine. We arrived around 3pm to mid-70 degree weather. Hannah (minsoo's sister) and I went to the beach and took in a spectacular sunset over the water. We also saw the paramedics and lifeguards rush to the aid of a woman who was hit in the head by a rock (apparently the woman and her husband were playing catch -- with a rock! She turned away and he clocked her in the head. Smart.) Hannah kept calling the lifeguard trucks the "baywatch trucks" and immediately fell in love with my hometown ("You live in paradise!").

Saturday I ate Dim Sum with my family and took Minsoo and Hannah to Hermosa to walk around. The warm sun was amazing. The two left for a wedding a few hours later and I went back to the beach with a few friends to watch the sunset. My friend and I went to El Burrito Jr for some yummy and dirt cheap mexican food. Then I hung out at a cool coffeehouse where there was live Jazz. I played a little bit of chess with some pals and headed home to wait up for the wedding folk.

I'm back in Northern California and missing home a lot. *sigh*

2003
Happy New Year! Here are some fun little personal stats to ring in the new year:
Occupation: Starting up an afterschool program for punky middle schoolers
Residence: Temporarily homeless. Will move into a new apartment Jan 10
Currently enjoying: VH1's "I love the 80's" special. Right now it's on 1983. Love it! A walk through memory lane...
Marital status: Single (and no, wedding bells are not in the immediate future!) but very happily with minsoo
Favorite new purchase: Badass (and very expensive) black leather knee-high boots.
The song I can't get out of my head: "Breathe In" by Frou Frou
One reason 2003 will be better than 2002: No freaky roommates (Hopefully.)

last weird roommate story of 2002
I left work early yesterday hoping to do some work while lounging at home and watching a few movies I had rented last weekend. I was especially thrilled to be going home early as my roommate R (the one with the shaved head in the back and long ponytail-length hair in the front who works a day job at apple and is a bouncer at a bar) was going home for TWO weeks. Unfortunately he was there when I got home. I was sorely disappointed. The TV nazi was home. Grrr. I wanted to scream: "Can't I just have ONE DAY when you're not around and I can watch TV by myself!? Is that too much to ask?" That sucka stayed around until about 11pm, just skulking around and dominating my 20-inch Panasonic. So, yes some might say that I am a horrible and intolerant roommate who is possessive and passive-aggressive. Okay, but you try sitting with R while watching your favorite show. Please share with me how you would handle his constant cussing as well as annoying and sometimes purely offensive comments. I'll stop here.

My new year's resolution and Christmas gift to myself: No more living with freaks.

spicy, spicy
Last night I ate a mean bowl of Duk-bol-gee (is that how you phonetically spell it?) at minsoo's house. I'm such weak sauce when it comes to spicy foods, however, this dish is like one of my favorite Korean delights. Why is that? I was sweating bullets and I almost felt like passing out after eating only half of it. After eating, I took some tums as preventative measures. Luckily my stomach enjoyed the little fire party and didn't give me too much grief.

I'm at work right now and I'm thinking of leaving early since no one (I mean NO ONE except the skater kids eating pavement on the playground) is here. I don't have any motivation to work.

now, back to living like a normal human being
This week was like my pseudo finals week. I'm not in school, however, all of the final events for the first semester of the after-school program I work for were back-to-back this week. I cried on the last day. No, no, not because I was so sad to see them go, but because they were truly evil little something-somethings and I was running on very little sleep (working about 11-16 hours a day this week). I'm glad to send them off for break and a part of me is secretly hoping some of the little terrors won't return. Unfortunately, these terrors are probably the ones that need the program the most.

Now that I'm done, I have to pack up my things and begin to get ready for my 5th move in the past two years.... hip-hip-hooray.

Ooooh, and Christmas shopping. Yikes, haven't done any of that. Doh...

hallelujah!
"Congratulations! This is your official notification that you have completely paid off the student loans starred below. We are pleased to have had you as a customer and wish you the best of luck in the future. Thank you!" -- Customer Service, Sallie Mae Servicing.

Thanks to my Americorps educational award from last year, I have completely paid off one of my loans. WOO HOO!! Despite my pauper-like existence these past two and a half years, I'm moving toward being completely debt-free!

On another note, here's a verse that I stumbled upon recently: "But godliness with contentment is great gain." - 1 Timothy 6:6. Another simple verse that I learned in Sunday School, but so often forget to put into practice.

success
Wednesday was the big day for the students that I work with. They've been transformed into young experts and were showing off their knowledge at an exhibition yesterday. Despite the fact that I had to do some "behavior management" with the kids, they made me really proud.

One of my favorite (if I may be biased) is little O.M. He's a 6th grader who comes from a spanish-speaking household and is an "ESL kid." (His mom, is great -- my co-worker translates during our conferences.) His teachers labeled him a liar because he didn't turn in work (he was really disorganized) and tried to cover it up. He tested in the 16th percentile in math (the lower 16th percentile). A month ago, O.M. walked into my room during homework time and proudly showed me his 102% on his test. I almost cried. This week, he came in and said (with a slight bit of bitterness in his voice), I got less points this time on my test. He got a 98%. We're writing children's books and he has been the only student to work super-diligently on creating a story every week, despite his language arts challenges. I see him making leaps and bounds and being more confident academically as well as socially. I really hope he stays on for another semester at least.

On the other side of the coin, I have another team member who is a complete terror. I sometimes wonder if it's the meds. But then I remember that she's not taking any.... maybe she should. But I digress.... Let me beam about O.M. for awhile...

it's just cake but...
It's 11:55 p.m. and I've just returned home from working almost 15 hours straight when I see it: the tinfoil that once wrapped my beloved "yummy" cake (recipe from Suji) sitting on the counter, alone -- no cake in sight. On the other counter -- the pan that once held that chocolatey goodness filled to the brim with brown-colored water. This can't be. This scenario is straight out of some cheesy situational comedy.

Someone ate my cake... and they didn't even have the decency to leave me the last piece. I'm so exhausted right now that I'm going to cry myself to sleep over that blasted piece of cake. A moment of silence for the best-cake-that-was-ever-eaten-by-greedy-roommates.

it's the most wonderful time, of the year...
My neck is tensing up. I'm starting to scrounge for empty boxes and re-examine my worldly possessions. Hm, do I really need this glow-in-the-dark yo-yo from the film festival? Have I ever worn this sweater when it's not negative 10 degrees outside? Maybe that package of Scooby-doo valentines sitting at the back of my closet should be my first sacrifice...

Yes, it's time for me to move... again.

I know, I know, you thought I'd left my old ways behind. You thought that I finally set down roots and started to make a home. And yes, I know you are all disappointed that I will have no more real-world-eques vignettes to share from my little house on the cul-de-sac next to the racist neighbors. Ah, now I'm getting all nostalgic. Not.

My roommate, J, is moving back to China. She was the one who convinced me to move to this drama-house. Now that she's leaving for more fruitful pastures in Shanghai, I too am uprooting myself. A former (and not psychotic) roommate from drama-house will be joining me at my next residence. I'm excited as she is more like my type of roommate. I'm hoping she will be a nice break from all of the randoms I've lived with.

Wish me happy apartment hunting. Again.

long days
The kids were really horrible this week. At one point I had to take a personal time out because I became so furious at them. I can't believe we only had a 2-day week. I guess the students were antsy about the holiday and our staff was ready for one too. So I guess I'm trying to remember the good times so that I don't spend the holiday weekend dreading coming back to work.

One of the kids on my team is steadily getting better math grades and starting to be really diligent about his work. He got a referral from a teacher for lying about not doing his work. Now he's super diligent. His family speaks only spanish and since my co-worker can translate, we've been having weekly phone meetings. His mother now feels more connected to the school and more knowledgable about her son's progress. Yay.

K, a 7th grader who I spent a lot of difficult time with at the beginning of the year really amazes me. She had the worst attitude about everything and lacked a lot of self-esteem when she first joined our program. At one discouraging point (when I wasn't sure what I could say or do to encourage her to be an active participant), I told her that I thought she could be a leader in our program and I wanted to see her earn a leadership star (we earn value stars for embodying our campus's core values). When I returned from China, I found that she proudly wrote me a welcome back note saying that she had received a leadership star. Over a month later, she remembered what I told her and has really proven to me that she wants to be a leader. Wow, so I guess they really listen... sometimes.

It's really hard on days like today when I think to myself, "I'm really not cut out for this job" or rather "I want out!!" to think about the student's achievements and my positive influence. I'm looking forward to the long drive down to So Cal and the time to process all of my thoughts about those knuckleheads.

china on my mind
Since I returned from my trek to the motherland, I can't go a day without uttering the words, "That reminds me of the time in China when..." I'm sure my co-workers, minsoo and my other friends must be tired of listening to me wax nostalgic about my travels to the orient. The consistent references may be attributed to not blogging adequately about my trip. I may continue to tell more stories, but hopefully I'll get it out of my system by sharing some with you...

i was born in the year of the horse, but this is ridiculous...
The other people on my tour were screaming, it was dark, the stench made me want to puke... the images haunt me everytime I enter a public bathroom in the states. The two that tied for worst places to relieve myself: Outside of a temple entrance in Hangzhou and at a gas station on our way to Hangzhou -- large troughs with short partitions and no doors. I am stronger person as a result of these experiences.

don't ask, don't tell
Our tour was run by the government. We did not know this when we signed up. Our tour guide was great, but at times, our experience felt very artificial. The hotels we stayed in were brand new (we could smell the fresh paint), the restaurants and shops we were taken to were all government run. The tour guide never spoke critically about the government and the country. It was surreal. At times I felt that if I turned around after we left one of our tour stops, there would be nothing there -- like an optical illusion. The accomodations were great and the stores were well run, but it was eerie. When we visited Tienanmen Square, I was temped to ask about the 1989 demonstrations, but I thought that the topic might be off limits. There was a huge military presence everywhere too. When we got to Hong Kong, the tour guide almost instantly started discussing politics with our group. It was refreshing.

line cutters are everywhere
Our group almost started a riot in the Beijing airport. The groups in front of ours kept bringing more people to the front of the "line" (groups of people huddling around ticket agent counters). We were almost to the front when they walked up to the front again. One of the women in our group started yelling at him and eventually the agent's supervisor had to come up to the counter to tell the man to get in line. When my family got up to the front, a man tried to cut in front and I started waging my finger and telling both him and the agent (in English, because everyone knows the language of ANGRY) that we had been waiting here a long time and he should get in the back. Dude, I hate line cutters.

like Italy in China
There are little "watertowns" around Hangzhou (near Shanghai) which are like Venice. The town we went to had houses right on the canals and little boats pushing tourists down the narrow water ways. An old woman was washing her clothes on steps that led down to the canal water. Little children played in the narrow alleys. It was the most pictureque place in China. Beautiful.

Okay, gotta fold my laundry... more stories later.

monday, monday
This morning I arrived at the middle school I work at and noticed two police cars parked out front. My inital reaction was, "I hope it's not one of our kids, I hope it's not one of our kids." It was. Apparently one of our 7th graders beat up a kid and wrecked his bike afterschool on Friday. He's now being charged with battery and vandalism. It was one of those Mondays.

The day only got more discouraging. I learned from the other teaching fellow that a few students had been getting poor grades because they weren't doing their homework (we are supposed to be monitoring homework), one of the guys on my team was leaving the program because he needed private tutors and that some parents were worried about their students getting into the wrong crowd. This "wrong crowd" were the other kids in the program. Ick.

During program time, I experienced a love-hate relationship with the kid who was leaving the program. One minute, I wanted to cry because he was leaving and he makes me laugh. The next, I wanted to throttle him for making the weirdest sounds I've ever heard from another human being during crucial be-quiet moments. Ahh, I'm going to miss that little booger.

At the same time, I also wanted to throttle another staff member who is probably one of the most arrogant, disrespectful blah-blah-blahs I've ever met. He disrespects not only the staff but also the students on his team and after program we had a serious talk with our program director about communicating more effectively (read: not being a jerk and rude and condescending), being more flexible (read: not being such a jerk when team teaching and roll with the punches) and being "transparent" (read: not being such a jerk when directing the kids to do things contradictory to what we ask). He responded to all of this by saying, "I've taken it all in." This basically means, "I'll consider everything you have to say. But the choice is mine whether or not to change my actions depending on what I can rationalize as being appropriate to my standards." Ugh, I hate cursing, but dude, there are many negative words in my head right now. I'm glad he's going back to college in the winter.

Tuesday has to be better. Tuesday has to be better. Tuesday has to be better...

"Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners -- of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life." -- 2 Thessalonians 1:15-16

Lord, give me that unlimited patience...

crowd control
After reading other weblogs, I felt guilty about neglecting my own so here I am. How about a story about China? Since returning to the homeland, I can't help but compare everything to my experiences in the motherland. On Sunday night I went to the Cheesecake factory for a friend's birthday and waited for over an hour to be seated. When we got "paged", we went inside, only to be shuttled into a "waiting area." A minute later we were herded to a huge table for 15. At one point during the herding, a friend in my group got all up in my personal space. She apologized for getting up close and personal. Normally I'd be acutely aware of this faux pas, but since China I've become desensitized to uninvited bodily contact. In fact, I kinda got used to it. I got used to pushing my way through the night markets, using my elbows to notify another shopper that they were all up in my bidness and dodging determined little old Chinese ladies who shoved without abandon.

My first experience with the pushing and shoving happened even before I stepped foot on foreign soil. The "line" (aka the mad crowd) entering the airplane to Beijing from LAX introduced me to the queue frenzy. Despite the fact that we all had assigned seats, the masses were bum rushing the gate entrance like crazed teenagers at an N'Sync concert. Madness. My mother would yell and act all upset about the "rudeness", but I took it in stride and started to enjoy it. I'm glad I haven't been in any crazy crowd situations since returning home. I might have to whip out the techniques I picked up a few weeks ago. Watch it, Americans, your personal space is mine. Muhahahah.

back from the motherland
I'm still recovering from my visit to the motherland. I had a good time, saw a lot of sights, bought a lot of cheap stuff, met some new relatives and in the process, caught a yucky cold. I'll share some highlights in a bit. Suffice it to say, it was a really amazing experience and I can't wait to go back.