crappy day
I haven't had a "bad day" in awhile. I might have "bad situations" that make a day, I rarely have a day when I get tons of bad news.

Yesterday was one of those days. I got several pieces of bad news. On top of this, I feel a bit guilty about having a "bad day" because I know that we have it better here than most of the world (i.e. wartorn countries, poor and starving countries, etc.). I'm still allowed a bad day here and there, right?

One of the most heartbreaking was finding out about marriage breaking up. It was one of those, I-knew-it-was-a-bad-idea-from-day-1-but-you-guys-seemed-happy situations. It made me really sad to know how hurtful one of the parties was to the other, particularly after over a decade of marriage. It made me really mad and sad... I wanted to go over to the other person's house and taken that person down. I'm small, but scrappy, and I could have bodyslammed that stick figure like that *snaps fingers*. Sometimes I wish I was the hulk. My temper could transform me and I'd get all green and muscle-y. I digress.

Today has got to be better. We'll be driving up in the bay area briefly for a wedding.

** Note: Take the survey linked in the post below! **

R.U.H.S
I can't decide whether or not to go to my high school reunion next weekend (Aug. 12). So I've designed a survey so my friends (that's you, I think) to help me make my decision. Please take it!

Click here to help me decide!

drinking and smiling
This past weekend we went to a film premiere and after-party for a film. It was an "industry" party, Asian American style. We ran into a snag at the beginning because though we'd RSVP'd for the invitation-only party, they didn't have our name on the list. However, Minsoo mentioned he was AAM and the dude let us in right away. It was also crazy because half the night, people were introducing Minsoo to other people and other people kept coming up to him to meet him.

When I went to the bathroom halfway through the night, the girl in line in front of me turned to me and started talking to me. It was a weird exchange:

bathroom girl: I really enjoyed your film!!
me: Huh, What? [blank look & thinking to myself, is she mistaking me with someone who was in the film we just saw? Um, the only Asian girl in the movie was like 16.]
BG: The one with you and your husband!
me: Ohhh, huh huh huh. Thanks. [wow, she actually saw it??]
[says a couple of things I can't remember...]
BG: So, what is it like being married to AAM??
me: [blank look, long pause] Um, well, I knew him before he started the site sooo...
bathroom girl: Ohhhh, [nervous laugh]

...and then a stall opened up. She proceeded to shout through the stall door to the girl who just exited that I was AAM's wife.

Yeah, weird.

The party was interesting. We saw the actor who plays Sun's tutor from L0st again, the guy who played the doctor that makes everyone take off their pants in Scrubs, and some other actors and marketing people. Oh yeah, and most importantly, the dude who holds the boombox playing push it in the nextel commercial (you know what I'm talking about). I had to do a good job of being AAM's wife. It's like being a politician or pastor's wife. I guess I could just stay quiet and let him talk and hide behind him or make him leave when I get anxious to go, but I tried to be a good partner and interact and be engaged with the schmoozing. I even met a musician who does urban planning type stuff for his day job. Anyway, I guess I had fun, but I'm definitely not used to playing the "wife" sidekick part. I'm also not used to people asking me what it's like to be with my husband.

some things never change
So I just got back from the second night of hanging out with high school friends. This time, my friend tried to convince me to go to the reunion because in his words, "this has the potential to be the biggest train wreck." Also, it's worth it just to collect the anecdotes from this experience. Hm, those reasons don't sound so bad. He also tried to convince me to drive out to the inland empire and egg one of our old friend's houses. Um, yeah. Earlier in the week my other friends tried to convince me that it would be a chance to catch up with all of those people who I never talked to in high school -- not such a convincing reason.

Anyway, I had a good "reunion" of sorts with my friend, who's probably one of the closest friends I had in high school. I think he has enough embarrassing stories (with the evidence to prove those stories are true) that I have a feeling we'll be friends forever. It's not like blackmail, but I think if there was a smoking gun site about my life, he'd be a large contributor.


Circa 1994/5, Winter formal. Later this year, I apparently dissed my date (who had a crush on me but never said anything) by dating my first boyfriend. Luckily, I'm still friends with both of them. Shamefully, back then I was stupid and dissed an Asian guy to date a white guy. To quote the fish that eats poo in Finding Nemo, I am ashamed.

seahawks reunite
My high school reunion is less than three weeks away and I haven't decided whether I should shell out $85 times 2 to mingle with the old gang (whatever that means).

What's the point? I mean, I still look like I'm in high school so I got nothing to show for it (although I do look 10 years younger than many of my classmates).

Ah, whatever. It's too hot. I can't make decisions. This computer is too hot. I need to log off...

Here's a fun picture for you all... This is why I love LA's Chinatown...

a list for minsoo
Today is our 1-year wedding anniversary. In honor of this special occasion, I'll write a list of my favorite minsoo-related things, because no one wants to hear me gush about Minsoo -- I mean NO ONE (because that's just gross and you should keep that stuff private because it makes people uncomfortable and not want to hang around you). So I'll talk about minsoo-related things because I think one of the most important things in a relationships is not only how that person treats you, but how you relate to the things that he/she loves as well.

So here goes, a minsoo-related list of things that I enjoy:
- Laughing about (real) poo stories so hard I sometimes pee a little
- Being unafraid to have an opinion
- Being okay with telling people I'm gassy, etc.
- Playing with his childhood friends like they're my childhood friends
- Playing with his sisters like they're my sisters
- Being introduced to good TV shows like L0st, Scrubs, The Office (both British and US)
- Having the best soundtracks to long road trips, short road trips, slide shows and everything in between
- FINALLY having a neat roommate with very little psychotic tendencies
- Being myself and slowly understanding that it's enough

Here's to another year!

probably over compensating
Today my co-worker and I had a meeting with one of the biggest a-holes I'd ever met. We were supposed to ask him about financing development projects but he spent half the time telling us how important and valuable his advice was ("If I was doing this for other people, this conversation would cost $1000") and staring at our chests.

About 3 minutes into the meeting, both of us wanted to end the meeting, but we kept going because he eventually gave us some good info and because our executive director was the one that set up the meeting for us. The entire meeting he spoke to us like we were little girls and he was the big, knowledgeable man. Most of the time I gave him my non-expressive face and stared at him through my glasses. My co-worker was much more charming and tried nicely to let him know we know what operating costs and interest rates are. I've met with a lot of people like this, but man, I really wanted to punch this guy's lights out. The dude was one of the most sexist, arrogant bastards I've ever met. He was almost unreal, like a caricature, but real and lame. It helped remind us about the type of people we're up against.

After the meeting, another co-worker who was sitting in an adjacent cubicle (and had been eavesdropping on our convo) came up to us and told us that she'd spoke to that dude on the phone regarding his involvement in another project and he was a total jerk to her a few weeks back. But when we told my other male co-worker, however, said that he had also met the dude awhile back and was totally friendly to him. Lovely.

all I want is some garlic fries at pac bell park
These past few weekends have been pretty crazy, with a trip up north and visits from the Yu family. I've been working part time to pay the bills and have taken on another part time job, but it's been so tempting to just want to take some time off. Our anniversary is this coming weekend and we are hoping to make a trip up north, but I've been looking at our finances and it's not looking good. So sad. We're trying to figure out how to scrape together some funds, but so far, all we've come up with is trying to cash in our remaining gift cards. I have to admit, I'm a bit sad.

ain't no hollaback girl
On my way to work today, I was in my car in the right turn lane, preparing to turn and looking left toward the cars heading across the intersection when a dude in the car next to me started shouting at me. I had the radio on and my window was half open so I couldn't hear what he was saying. When I turned down the radio and looked at the guy, he shouts "EXCUUUUSE ME. YOU'RE SOOOOO BEAUTIFUL. YOU'RE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL."

I promptly rolled up my window and made a sharp right turn so I could get the hell away from this stupid mo-fo. This incident did not, in fact, make me feel beautiful and actually made me feel a little bit scuzzy. Why are there so many freaks? I need freak-repellent.

Happy Birthday Hannah!!!!!!! :)

update
This weekend minsoo and I made an unplanned trip up to nor cal for a funeral. Our friends' grandmother passed away and since we'd visited her a few times when she was in LA and these friends are like Minsoo's extended family, we felt like we needed to make a trip up there to pay our respects. Although a sad occassion for a reunion, It was really good to spend time with friends we hadn't seen in awhile. I'm also always entertained by the antics of Minsoo and his Childhood friends. There's a certain comfortable dynamic that reminds me of how blessed he is to have good friends and how blessed I am to have been welcomed into their craziness. It makes me wonder where all my old childhood church friends are and what they're up to.

I'm still super tired and not motivated to do work, but I've just been offered the chance to do research for an APA org part-time, leading to a full-time job. It's a bit tricky since I told my current work I'd go full time so I'm going to have to tread carefully with both jobs and figure out which one should be my next full-time gig. Either way, it's awesome to have people recruiting me to work instead of having to throw myself into the scary world of cover letters and fancy-paper resumes.

My July vacation is looking more like an August vacation. *Sigh*

new skool
The web is a funny place. It's been almost 5(!) years since this blog began... ah the days when blogs were filled with complete sentences and we html'd old skool style.

Now we've got skankspace, friendstalk, and host of other journal-slash-messaging-slash-placetoshowoffyourskankyassphotos sites that have put the W in "What the ?#$%???"

And now, podcasts. Yes ladies and gents, minsoo and I have decided to dive into the world of vocal blogging. Forget all of that cutsy couple blogging, the podcast is where it's at. While not altogether riveting, we're hoping that it provides a good summer diversion (for us) while we're waiting for the next season of L0st to start up. E-mail me if you'd ready for this jelly.

the 4th
I was at TJ's last week picking up some "consolation sorbet" after a failed attempt to see a free showing of an Inconvenient Truth with Messy (we got denied from a FREE event! Maybe we weren't hippie enough...). When I was paying for my goods, I inadvertently greeted the cashier (too friendly to the cashier at TJs=too much talking from the cashier) so the cashier asked me if I wanted a 4th of july sticker. I said yes (why not?) and he asked me if I was planning to celebrate. Still bummed from not being able to see the movie, I said, no not really. He said something else, but I wasn't really listening to him so I mumbled "Yeah, huh huh" and walked out. However, as I was walking to my car, I realized he said to me, "What, you don't celebrate fourth of july? Did you not grow up in this country?"

Ugh, once again, I let another opportunity to address ignorance slide by. Um, dude, did you NOT notice my PERFECT FREAKING ENGLISH? I get this question like one every other month. Weird.

Anyway, I digree. The main point of this post was to mention that I have no plans for the 4th yet and I'll be stuck here with all of the poor people who can't afford vacations. Yay for us.

all growns up.

happy 26th birthday jess!

it ends today.

yay for sarah!
Sarah, the youngest Yu, is 23!
That makes the other Yus feel old but I think it means we need to start acting our age since Sarah sometimes acts more mature than the rest of us...
Happy (belated!!) Birthday!!

5-0,5-0
There's a helicoper circling our neighborhood, shining a light onto an apartment building less than 1 block south of our apartment. I was just about to go to sleep but the noise of the helicopter is so loud... plus I kinda want to know what is going down. It's too bad there's no 1am newscasts because I'm sure the local newscasters would love it. Just a few months ago, there was a high speed chase that went by our neighborhood as well. Never a dull moment on the westside.

c/o '96
I received the official invitation to my reunion in the mail. The first thing I did was jump on to myspace (a.k.a. skankspace) to spy on RUHS grads. I found that my fellow alum now includes the following:

- a newly-converted Hasidic Jew (the beard rocks!)
- a brunette (stripper? i can only assume given the photos) that used to be blond
- jocks who have big ol' beer bellies
- former jocks who look 38
- dorky girls who are now married and still look the same as they did in high school(doh --- do I fit in that category?)
- lots of divorcees

Awesome, I can't wait.

Now I need to take a shower to get rid of what I like to call "the myspace nasty".

*POP*
That was the sound of my dad, opening a can of worms.

Minsoo and I had dinner with my parents and my cousin and his wife for father's day tonight. I'm not a huge fan of my cousin's wife but I try and make nice. However my Dad (i don't know why) brought up the May 1st immigration rallies with my cousin and his wife and she started to talk smack about the rallies and immigrants. I wanted to keep my mouth shut and just avoid talking to her about it since our conversations are always really trivial, but I had to say something, especially since I was marching at the rallies. I mentioned that I was there and that I agree there needs to be reform but not the way they are trying to do it. She told me that I "shouldn't have been there" and I had to tell her that the rallies were not just "filled with illegals." I was aware that the march had its supporters and haters, but I was really annoyed that she was telling me that it was wrong for me to participate. I was also annoyed that my dad had brought up this conversation topic as I knew it was only going to lead to a conversation that would go nowhere.

The conversation was quite frustrating on many levels. My APA progressive friends are always talking about starting a larger APA "movements" but I keep reminding them that there are many APAs who don't give a crap about this stuff (we put the APA in Apathy) or who have bought into the model minority pull yourselves up by the bootstraps divisive bullcrap that is used to criminalize certain races and immigrants. When is it going to matter for APAs?

master of arts, urban planning

I am officially an "M.A" but will not make people refer to me as Wai-Ling, M.A. because it's not cool and no one cares if you have a master's degree, unlike doctors and lawyers. It just means that I have more school debt.

Anyway, there was a lot of graduation drama in terms of some of the end of the year activities students wanted to plan. One drama stemmed from a pin that some of the students of color wanted to wear symbolizing working for social justice. We asked the entire class if they wanted to participate, but some people got bitter b/c it seemed exclusive at the beginning even though it was informally discussed and later opened up to everyone. Ugh. Then the girl that the students of color nominated for the speech used part of the speech to bring up a petty issue in our department that wasn't a battle that needed to be aired at our graduation. People in the audience were audibly uncomfortable. Finally, a few people wanted all of us to do a cheer that we did at the May 1st march after the speech. We did it -- but it was really awkward and sort of lame. Ugh, I think I'm glad graduation is over not because I'm glad I'm done, but because GRADUATION itself is finally over.

That being said, here are some pictures of me having fun with my friends, despite the craziness. And although most of the pics are of Asians, no, I don't only have Asian friends from grad school, but these guys are "my crew"...

Before the processional...


My thesis project group







Our reaction when someone said: "Look, it's the slackers on the left and the hard workers on the right."




At the party we hosted at a restaurant in Little Tokyo:

i heart al.
Today I went to Borders to look for a book for school and when I got there I noticed TV news vans parked outside and tons of people hanging out in the store. There was a line wrapped around both floors of the store and as a result I couldn't get to the book I needed as people were camping out near that bookshelf.

It turns out that Al G0re was doing a book signing for An Inconvenient Truth. Yes, I'm talking about the true WINNER of the 2000 presidential election. I was totally excited.

Unfortunately I parked in metered parking and only had enough change for 20 minutes (which was almost up) and I needed to work on my final paper. So I booked it back home, grabbed laundry money and my papers and zoomed back to the store. When I got there I was informed that they were all sold out of the book, but I managed to obtain a display copy and bought an already signed version. I got in line behind the most annoying guy who had verbal diarrhea and an unfortunately loud voice, however, a guy behind me was sympathetic and eventually convinced the loud guy to stand behind us while talking to his friend farther back in the line.

Anyway, I spent an hour in line, practicing what I'd say to Al and reading his book. When I got up there, I nervously delivered half of my prepared comments and got a "That's great. Keep up the good work!" as I was shuttled away from him. In the 30 seconds I spent in front of him, I found him to be relaxed and very personable, attentive and not at all insincere or full of himself. I am impressed. Ha.

After this happened, I wanted to tell my politics-loving friends about this encounter. Yes, all three of them. However, Hannah is in Korea, I didn't have Danny's cell phone number (although later tracked him down and shared the story) and I had to leave a vm with Karen. I suppose this outlet will have to do:

I MET AL GORE TODAY. IT WAS COOL. WOW.

I must clarify.

From Hannah's Blog:




The caption reads: "Trip to LA- My brother and awesome nephew, chillin'"

NOOOOOOOO.

Correction: "Trip to LA -- My brother and my cousin's kid, chillin'"

This is an important distinction.

no, YOU tell me why.
On tonight's Datel1ne (I know, I know, a horribly sensationalist "news program"), I saw a report on popular videos being passed around on the internet. One of the videos they highlighted were some Asian boys doing a lipsync to BackstreetBoys. I was websurfing so I missed the entire story and wanted to look up the video on the web.

Holy crap, there are waaayyyy too many videos featuring Backstreet-lipsyncing Asian boys. I knew they were out there, but it seems like every 13-21 year old Asian guy has one out there on the web. I know I didn't grow up with brothers, but I find this phenomenon totally weird, especially since no males in my inner circle have participated in such activity (although I can't be certain...)

I know that I shouldn't go all model-minority on them, but man, I sometimes feel like this does not bode well for the Asian male stereotype. It's not the lipsyncing that's offensive, it's that so many of them are so BAD. I did a brief survey of the videos via youtube and was horrified.

Anyway, the Northwest AA Film fest has a hilarious clip featuring a horrible lipsync
duo via youtube... you should check it out.

superhero blues
It's late and I'm still up as I take on my alter-ego. Micromanage-girl. Yes, the most anal, and probably lamest and most useless, superhero of the bunch. I can't fly or carry heavy objects or use my brain to kill things, but I can organize the hell out of anything. Like many superheros, I did not choose this life. It chose me. I was given great power and as a result, I've been forced to take on the responsibility. My current mission is to make sure that the boys in our group don't screw up our project.

Example #1: One guy's task was to put together a poster board for our class presentation. I didn't give him any direction nor did SpicyT, but we did ask him to do it at the beginning of this month. This weekend he sends us prototypes of the boards (because SpicyT wanted to see them).

They were a mess, he literally cut out sentences from our 100+pg paper and stuck them onto the board. Time for micromanage-girl to step in.

The thing is, at first, I was hestitant to take on this role... but I am almost to the point where I think the guys f-around and do crappy jobs because they know we'll save them.

I don't want this superhero power. I wish I could carry large rocks or run fast or something. Then I could drop some fat rocks on those idiots and run away to some island and for a much needed vacation.

no secret heat beach this weekend
It's a big 'ol holiday weekend.

And I got no plans.

We're not heading up to the bay area as the sisters-in-law are out of town (at least one is right now and the other one is heading out this weekend) and we just didn't feel up to making the drive up north. Plus I still got my busiest weeks ahead of me so I need to keep working on my papers/project.

I have no life.

things in my head that i need to get out
my fortune cookie says that i have more sleepless nights ahead of me. I keep thinking things are going to let up and I'm going to have room to breathe, but apparently that is not in my near future.

Our stupid #$%^&*$ thesis project is still not done. It won't be fully finished until the end of June when we finally present the whole thing to our "client." I'm so sick of it that I literally cannot talk to the other guys about the project anymore without getting angry. I'm trying to control myself, but I think SpicyThai had to talk me down from the ledge a few times. Those guys are, to put it in the words of my mom: Mow-yoong.

In the next two weeks, I have two more projects/papers/presentations plus that one paper I was working on with my advisor. Unfortunately I'm so unmotivated to any work. I'm also really burnt out.

Our next door neighbor's apartment reeks like dirty sweatsock, human waste and ass. They keep their windows (which are adjacent to our front door) open all day so I gag slightly whenever I leave or return to my apt.

My class is creating a yearbook. Um, are we in 7th grade? I didn't think so. SpicyT and I were talking about how we'd sign our yearbooks like, "Stay Sweet." and "KIT" and "Have a bitchin summer."

I'm starting to get stressed about jobs. For the first time, I'm not worrying about getting hired, but the sad sad salary. Unfortunately, I've set a dangerous precedent of taking less than minimum wage jobs in really hard jobs. Now I want to work less and make more. Hm, a problem indeed. Does anyone know of a job where I can work for social change and APA issues and do research and write AND make enough to get me out of debt? Yeah, I didn't think so.

I just saw a mosquito in my apt. I'm armed with a spatula but the flying monster disappeared behind the futon. Your ass is mine, buggie!

an aa legends ball?
I'll admit it: I watched Oprah's_Legends_Ball tonight. I didn't send out invitations for a party, like she recommended, but I did watch the whole thing. As much as I think she is like a cult, I have to admit that I admire the woman. I mean, come on, why wouldn't I watch a woman of color with that much money, influence and power do whatever the damn well she pleases? You gotta give her props for that. Although the whole show was one big self-gratifying, over-the-top ridiculous "celebration," I couldn't help but watch in awe. Not only was the party beautiful and an event planner's dream-come-true, but I appreciated the act of celebrating role models. I think it'd be amazing to be able to gather a room full of Asian American women who had paved the way for other Asian American women. My dream room would only have like Grace Lee Boggs, Yuri Kochiyama, Patsy Mink, March Fong Eu, and my mom... maybe Connie Chung. I know that I would purposely NOT invite Elaine Chao or Michelle Malkin.

i want to be loafed.
... by LAcity_councilmember Tom_LaBonge. Apparently he hands out loaves of PUMPKIN bread made by nuns at a Hollywood Monastery--part of his district. I've heard the bread is "exquisite" and "special... made by the hands of nuns who are close to God"

I think good pumpkin bread is _always_ made by those close to God.

I want to be loafed... but apparently localnewscaster Jim_Hill did not. Check out this picture:

Happy birthday Minsoo!




Minsoo Likes Plate Lunches.




He is good at TrivialPursuit_Popculture. Happy 28th!

the debut
Minsoo's films "debuted" at the festival yesterday. The first short film was in a bunch of shorts that were -- how do I say it? -- kinda weird and sort of bad. I prepped my parents (who came to support us) that it was going to be weird but I forgot to also mentioned that they might also be bad. When shorts are bad, a 20 minute piece can feel like an hour. So although the program was only 1.5 hrs, it felt so long. On top of that, they showed the wrong version of Minsoo's film, without any credits or title. Minsoo's film was the first one, so people weren't sure if the film was part of the program or a pre-show trailer or preview. No one clapped. No one laughed. It was awkward to say the least. I'm glad I suggested people to go to the evening show, although some people showed up for the afternoon. Sorry, you all saw a sucky-ass show. :( I think a few of my friends left after ours showed. I don't blame them -- I wish I could have left.

After that, Minsoo and I went home tired and a bit worried about the later evening film. When we went back to the festival later that night we were hopeful that the next film would go over well with the audience. A bunch of friends showed up to the film and the theater was packed so I was a little bit nervous. Also, more directors and actors were there, including Tamlyn_Tomita!

Minsoo's film was the fourth in a set of 8 films, smack dab in the middle. When the whole show started, the festival director announced the filmmakers and minsoo got a loud cheer -- a good sign. The first two films were pretty cute and funny, the third was a bit weird, but I wasn't really paying attention. When Minsoo's film started, we braced ourselves, gripping each others hands. A few people cheered for us at the beginning, so I felt the support. We've shown this film to many friends/family but it's different when you show it to people who don't give a crap who you are. Anyway, it went pretty well. The audience (probably guided by my friends, who snickered throughout the film) caught all the funny looks and slapstick humor. We got a good round of applause when it ended. Phew!

At the end, there was a q&a section. Surprisingly, most of the audience questions -- okay, the 2 out of the3 questions asked -- were directed toward Minsoo. One of the guys asking the questions asked how the overarching theme (secrets between husbands and wives) fit in with real life or something. Minsoo ended up talking about us half the time, which was weird.

So all in all, the final show made up for the first one and I was proud of Minsoo for being up there and doing his thing. It was also cool to see people laugh *WITH* me during the film. One of the other filmmakers even commented on my performancing, saying that he enjoyed the part where I fall over and my feet fly in the air. I was glad he appreciated the artistic license I took in order to get into my role. HA ...HA.

I'm keeping my day job.

starstruck
Today, after the asianam film festival, I went to an "after party" and got to hobnob with some pseudocelebs. Unlike the parryshenincident of 2002(where I made a fool of myself and lost my ability to converse), I managed to keep it cool as I knew I'd have to represent as AAM's wife. As we drove away from the party, I sat in the passenger's and giggled like a little star-struck fan. My most notable meeting? SungKangfrom BLT and theMotel. We actually had a real conversation and talked about his childhood and growing up and the industry, etc (even though I was totally starstruck). He's such a personable guy and has *gasp* possibly replaced PS as my fav BLTboy. As I was leaving, I also met JohnCho but was less impressed, for various reasons. I actually think I sort of ignored him as I was saying goodbye to the director of theMotel (a cool guy)--- a great movie, by the way.

I also met singerSusieSuh----ANDDDDDDDD the dude from LOST and WEST WING.... Yes,TonyLee who plays Sun's "tutor" on Lost and the NorthKoreanpianistdude who wants to defectafter vising the US in WW. He came up to us to meet minsoo after the movie screening that Minsoo MC'd. WOW!! I was cool and I told him when he complemented minsoo's site, "It's good to see you on TV!"

I'm slowly learning how to be cool when inside I'm totallystar struck.

Tomorrow our films play at the festival... I'm kind of nervous. My big face on like a 20 feet high screen. Yikes!

mayday in LA
Today's march was incredible. I marched on Wilshirefrom MacArthurPark to (well almost to) La Brea. On one hand, I was disappointed that I was in the minority -- that more Asians were not representing, even though immigration is a HUGE issue, and yes, there tons of illegal Asian immigrants. Anyway, it was huge and like LA, sprawled out over miles and miles along Wilshire. Starting the march at MacArthur Park, one of the places where I went during the urban mission trip to pray for the city, was another "God, were you preparing me for this?" moment. Traveling PEACEFULLY through Ktown with hundreds of thousands of people was something I'll never forget.

below are some pics I took. it was crazy so I didn't get a chance to take a pic. will post others.

Indeed it does. 

The beginning of the march. 

Leading the march was a multi-ethnic coalition of immigrant workers' groups.  

Jesus loves immigrants too. 

I was representing with fellow urban planning grad students. Yes, my grad school is cooler than yours.  

People as far as the eye can see. 

After the march, people walked back on the side streets in the nicest part of central LA -- Hancock Park... I was walking back to my friend's house down the street when I saw this...Those people are kicking it in front of the mayor's house. Not kidding. 

almost...final
some stats on my thesis project:
Pages = 132, single spaced
Pages written by SpicyT & I: 120
Pages copied from the other group members' papers: 12
Wai-Ling's new wrinkles: 5 on bridge of nose from squinting, 3 large ones on forehead
Days until final draft is due: 1
Tentative number of presentations for our project: 3+
Date when it's finally over: June 16 aka graduation day

no good title for this post
Something is wrong. 11pm is SexandtheCity Time on channel 5... But it's not on. Instead the annoying network news is on and there's a lame-ass story about a restaurant with beds in it (soooo LA). My tv schedule is all out of whack.

Our final draft of the client project is due on Monday. Hopefully after that, we'll be on our way to finalizing it. Because you can't hear this too many time (I know you can) --- ARGH! I'M SOOOO SICK OF THIS PROJECT. I think the project is wearing down SpicyThai too, as she seems almost MORE annoyed than I am, which is slightly scary given that she's like 10 times nicer and more patient than I am. I feel like an ass-kicking is in order for our other two group members for turning super-nice SpicyT into a cranky girl. As for me? I'm usually this cranky.

diving head first into the real world
On top of the dreaded client project, still reeling from my star$s experience, this week hss been filled with stressful craziness including:

- being nominated by the students of color group to do our graduation speech... i wasn't even part of any of the conversations or voting for the graduation speaker, my name just got thrown in. luckily someone else got voted in - phew! i don't think my classmates knew how stressful it was for me to hear that i was being nominated (as I tried to play it cool). it was nice to get a shout out from my classmates and i guess affirming that they'd think enough of me to want me to represent them at graduation. i've made it -- the cool kids like me, they really like me... sort of.

- going on a pseudo job interview --- a non-profit group contacted me to be their first research director. it's a cool job -- managing interns, bringing down slumlords, combatting gentrification, etc etc. but the pay sucks so much poo even _I_ am slightly offended. I'm wrestling with this decision because i may end up being the "breadwinner" and the pay is reminiscent of the salary i earned my first year out of college. what to do, what to do. i'm not money hungry by any means, but dude, i thought that grad school might help my earnings, and not put me further in the hole. my parents, the understanding people they are, might kick my butt if they found out how much i'd be making. i know they expect me to *finally* get my act together and make a decent living.

yay for opportunities. boo for money in general. my old co-worker once said that she wish we'd go back to the trade and barter system. i agree. i'll trade you my keen planning skills for some money.

mistaken web identity

Tonight I checked my gmailaccount -- which is a rare occurence -- and saw a suspicious e-mail from exped1a entitled "your itinerary..." I was like, uh oh, I'm not planning a vacation. Sure enough, it was a hotel reservation for WashingtonDC for a person named "JoHanna"

Uh oh.

My theory was 1. This e-mail is a virus. DELETE! DELETE! or 2. Some Johanna chick made a stupid mistake.

So I log onto exped1a (by the way, I don't HAVE an exped1a account) and sure enough, there's my account and after a few clicks, I've managed to "find" my password, log into my account and see my reservation for may 26th. Shoot. I also discover that my new telephone number has also changed from a 408 to a 718. Uh oh.

I call customer support and try to sort this out. It's a little bit confusing at first as they keep trying to "confirm" my hotel and I keep telling them that it's not my reservation. Eventually the guy on the phone gets it and we just decide to change the e-mail address to the account, adding an "H" to the e-mail and hope the chick figures it out.

This type of stuff *almost* makes me want to change my name to something "unique". Wai-ling is good, but without the dash, it looks pretty bad. Maybe I should start spelling my name with additional "silent" letters like Qs and Zs.

i hate my neighborhood star$s

Whooo. It's been a long week, as usual. Well, not quite. I was involved in another *ahem* incident (see: Chinatown sicko and bleeding guy at SBs).

Wednesday I ditched class to study (I know, I'm such a badass) with SpicyThai. We met up at the Star$s down the street from my apt. It's a great location: in addition to being walking distance from my apt, it also boasts a fireplace, ample tables and chairs and plugs. We were sitting at THE best table (the handicapped square one) right next to an outlet, eyes glued to our own laptops, when a dude comes up to SpicyT and asks her to plug in his computer. I was a tad bit annoyed at this request, given that the general plug outlet etiquette is first-come-first-dominates: you don't plug in if someone else called it, unless you're in dire need and/or sitting next to you in a table. ST was nice and plugged it in. A girl sitting next to us also asked us to use the plug for 10 min, so I unplugged and let her charge for awhile.

Awhile later, the dude comes back and asks ST to unplug the cord. She unplug a cords and resumes working on her laptop. However it's the wrong one (the other girl's plug) and the guy gets pissed that she doesn't unplug his. He starts yelling at her because she's wearing earphones to unplug HIS computer. She unplugs his computer and he walks away.

At least 30 minutes later, he returns, walks up to the girl next to us whose computer was plugged into the same outlet, and leans over to say something to her. She looks totally offended and says that the dude -whom she didn't know -- said something really offensive to her. The ladies at the next table ask her what the dude says and I start asking her, but she refuses because she says it's too offensive. The dude then, comes back to our area, stops near our table and says, loudly, "No, I didn't mean YOU, I meant HER!" and he points at SpicyThai. And then he goes outside and sits at a table near the entrance.

Um, what??? So we ask the girl again to tell us what he said, because obviously, ST needs to know as the offensive comment was directed toward her. The girl says, "He said, 'Tell that girl that she is a C**T'" - Yes, that is a bad word for a female body part.

WHAT THE HELL KIND OF INAPPROPRIATE BULLS*** IS THAT!!! WHAT A F****** BASTARD!!! I am in disbelief that 1. he used such offensive language for a minor misunderstanding that was altogether completely unprovoked 2. he decided tospread the harassment by sharing the offensive message with another woman 3. he came back to make sure that his message was delivered. What a friggin nutcase!

So SpicyThai and the girl go up to the counter to tell the employees that some guys is harassing us. Being the ever helpful service employees, they tell them that they have to call the manager. A few minutes later, SpicyThai goes to ask the employees if they've talked to the manager and what they can do about the situation and they tell her that they can't tell him to leave because they'll lose a customer. [by the way he only got like a cup of water.]

UM HELLO AREN'T THE 3 OF US CUSTOMERS??? [i bought 2 drinks and 2 desserts!] And a restaurant SHOULD ask a person to leave if they are creating an unsafe environment for other customers. Anyway, by this time, I've text messaged minsoo to get the hell over here because I no longer feel safe and I'm afraid the bastards going to come back to get another dose of his ego-boosting little girl bullying.

Anyway, after both SpicyThai and the other girl complain to the employees that they should tell offensive dude to leave, we all get fed up and decide to leave the place. An employee offers to walk us out in case the guy needs another round. As we're waiting for the employee, I go to the trash can/sugar/cream area to throw out my trash. A big old middle aged guy is in my way so I wait for him to get his gi-normous gut out of the way for me to toss in my trash. The guy turns around and sees me, mumbles a few uninteligible words and then says, "Where's your passport?" chuckles and then walks away.

MY PASSPORT???? OH HELL NO. First SpicyThai is harassed and now some jerk thinks it's okay to ask me for my passport? I'M AMERICAN BORN, YOU IGNORANT FOOL.

I am boycotting the Star$s on National&Barrington in WestLA. It's not right for an establishment to allow harassment to take place on their property. One of the employees even said that since they didn't see anything, they couldn't believe our word over the other guys. Yes, girls lie about this stuff, mister. UGH!

That is pure bull and pisses me off. Women should be able to be in public spaces without being harassed and called horribly offensive names. Establishments should not allow this kind of behavior. I know crazy stuff like this happens all the time, but I guess it also makes me mad that often women decide NOT to say anything about it. We stay silent, which doesn't make us "rise" above it, but in fact disempowers us. Even when this happened, all of us were silent... we didn't know how to respond -- we didn't feel empowered to respond. I'm sure if someone said something to guys, they'd scream something back, but we as women aren't always encouraged or feel safe to yell back. When we told the older ladies in the table next to the girl about the incident, they totally disregarded it, saying that the guy was crazy and not to worry about it. I understand where they were coming from, but at the same time, if we never speak out about this s*** people aren't going to think it's happening or something that needs to change.

It makes me mad that even though I consider myself to be an "independent" person, I am still intimidated to go out and study alone or walk around alone because of these incidents. I want to continue to be independent but the more I encounter this bull, the more it makes me want to stay inside and that's not right.

even AAM's farts smell bad
Yesterday I received an e-mail from a friend in my class advertising a special appearance at my school by... my husband! He was asked by the API group in my public affairs school (of which I am not a member... I think it's an unspoken rule that urbanplanning students aren't allowed to socialize with the other icky policy/social welfare softies). I got a kick out of this because this ad was forwarded twice and had comments left on by the forwarders, one of which writes:

"holy crap!! angry_asian_man is coming to ucla!!! too bad i have class. =( you should check him out! he's cool. =)"

When I read this, I thought, "holy crap, i live with him and his farts stink just like mine and yours do!"

I feel really proud that I'm married to a guy that other girls have weird-Asian-Am-nerd-crushes on, but at the same time, it's really weird, especially when the events are at MY school in MY classroom and I didn't even know about it until I got the e-mail. Minsoo mentioned something about it to me, but I totally forgot until I got an e-mail that had been forwarded at least 3 times. I'm tempted to going to go to the event and heckle him the entire time, asking him questions like "Why are you so angry?" and "I don't think that there's no more racism against Asians. We're the model minority!"

a message i needed to hear

I don't think I've ever heard a sermon on Humility that really hit me like this one..Once again invoking Micah6:8....just thought I'd share in case you can relate...

Lenten reflection: 'Humility is difficult'
by Jim Wallis (sojourners)

We all know Lent is meant to be a time of reflection, deepening, and preparation for Easter. Lent is also a call to repentance and, especially, humility. With Lent's beginning on Ash Wednesday, we impose (I love that word) ashes as a very physical, visual, and tangible act of repentance and humility - a mark and act of commitment, not merely a rote ritual.

Some members of our staff have suggested to me that the events of recent weeks and months call us to humility. But humility is a difficult virtue for those who are called to a prophetic vocation - people like us.

Humility is difficult for people who think they are, or want to be, "radical Christians."

Humility is difficult when you're always calling other people - the church, the nation, and the world - to stop doing the things you think are wrong and start doing the things you think are right.

Humility is difficult for the bearers of radical messages.

When we're always calling other people to repent and change, it's not always easy to hear that message for ourselves.

I want to suggest that there is a real and very deep tension between humility and the prophetic vocation. And most prophetic Christians I have known - present company and preacher included - are really not very good at humility.

You see we are always making judgments of others - church leaders, political leaders, majority cultures - but are not often good at applying the judgment to ourselves. Even when the prophetic judgments we are making are necessary, they seldom lead us to humility. After all, we are the ones who know how other people are supposed to change. We are the ones with the answers. We are the ones who are doing it right.

How do we preach like Amos - "Let justice roll down like waters, and righteousness like a mighty river!" - without becoming self-righteous ourselves? I think that is very difficult. Perhaps Micah had it right: "What does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?"

And we are especially prone to turn our righteous judgments on each other, at those close at hand, even within our own community - and that can be especially destructive. When that happens, if the truth be told, radical Christian communities are not always pleasant places to be.

When the prophetic indignation we offer daily to the world is turned toward those who happen to be in judging, glaring, or shouting distance of us when we decide they too have fallen short of our ideals - look out!

And let me be human and honest enough to say that leaders in church, state, and certainly faith-inspired organizations should always be held accountable, but being a leader in a prophetic Christian community is often a very hard place to be. Just look at the qualities necessary for the prophetic vocation: The capacity to speak clearly, strongly, boldly, decisively, distinctively, and of course, visibly. I would say, from my experience, that none of those qualities lead directly to humility.

Likewise, the call to be and offer an alternative reality, community, vision, lifestyle, etc., requires an energy and confidence that, again, is not necessarily prone to humility.

So what can save us radical Christians? The same thing that saves everybody else: the grace of God.

I've found myself remembering an old article prompted by a time in the life of Sojourners when these issues were very much at play. It was an article I felt quite convicted to write as a correction to ourselves, to myself, to the prophetic vocation we had chosen. I remember I stayed home from a prophetic anti-nuclear action that many of us were undertaking because I felt the need to think and write instead. It's from May of 1979. It's pretty faded now, but I think it might be relevant to us today:

"Sojourners has written much and often about the abuse and cheapening of grace. In many ways, it is the place where we began. That concern still stands; cheap grace continues to be the greatest affliction of the churches.

"Radical Christians, however, face another problem. It is the tendency to seek justification in our lifestyle, our work, our protest, our causes, our movements, our actions, our prophetic identity, and our radical self-image. It becomes an easy temptation to place our security in the things we stand for and in the things we do, instead of in what God has done. It is a temptation to depend on things other than God's grace.

"'For by grace you have been saved through faith; and this is not your own doing, it is the gift of God - not because of works, lest [anyone] should boast (Ephesians 2:8-9).' Grace is the logic of a loving God. There is nothing we can do to earn it, win it, or deserve it. Grace is simply a gift, not a reward. We can receive it only by faith, not through good works.

"Grace saves the prophetic vocation. The knowledge and experience of grace can ease the seriousness with which we tend to take ourselves. Grace can restore our humility, our sense of humor, and our ability to laugh at ourselves. All are regularly needed by prophets.

"To trust grace is to know that the world has already been saved by Jesus Christ. It is to know that we cannot save the world any more than we can save ourselves. All our work is done only in response to Christ's work. To receive the gift of grace is to let go of self-sufficiency and to act out of a spirit of gratitude.

"Radical Christians must pursue more than a successful strategy; we must seek a deeper faith. Only then will we have the assurance of salvation, not because of what we have accomplished, but because we have allowed God's grace and mercy to flow through our lives."

This article was adapted from Jim Wallis' reflections at Sojourners' Ash Wednesday service March 1, 2006.

native americans are not indian,for goodness sake

Today in my graduate-level built form history class we learned about the Native American settlements in the US. It was like revisiting our 4th grade lesson about the pueblos in the southwest and how the native americans used tipis and wigwams. It was such a waste of time...I remember making a diarama of a pueblo and here I am, 18 years later, getting the same lesson. Also, the professor (who's from Europe) kept referring to Native Americans as "indians" and ironically our TA (a guy from INDIA) had to give a presentation at the end of the class about Native American settlements. He refered to "indians" as "the Natives"... I wondered if Ashok was thinking to himself during class "I can't believe the professor made me do this presentation... Doesn't she know that I'm Indian because I'm from India? Why am I giving this presentation, I know nothing about Native Americans!"

Also, I learned that the first settlement in LA was the "Yang Na_Village". I kept thinking to myself, if my dad saw that he'd go, "See?? Yang Na -- it's Chinese. Native Americans are Chinese too!" It's all about the bering strait peoples.Proper.

a cornucopia of thoughts
This past week was my "spring break", however I did little breaking and worked and spent time on my thesis project. I did get a chance to meet up with some high school friends to celebrate a friend's birthday. I also saw some college friends due to a west coast wedding. I feel like I've been living in forced seclusion for months and it was nice to be out and talking with friends.

minsoo and I rediscovered the fun of puzzles. We spent a good chunk of our weekend "puzzling" (yes we verb-ed it) and finished this 750 piece puzzle of some weird Chinese godess this afternoon. Puzzling is ridiculously addictive. Really, it is.

MiracleWorkers-the new TV show is a one-hanky show. I still cry more during ExtremeMakeoverHomeEdition, but it's probably b/c it's more urbanplanning related. That beings said both shows make my eyes leak.

My new quarter of boring-required classes started today. As a special treat, 4 out of the 5 most annoying class talkers are in one of my class. Fun fun fun :( -- only 10 more weeks to go!

missed a chance to walk on the street with 500 thousand other people
I missed the largest rally in LA's history to work on my client project. :( [another reason why my client project has become the bane of my existence]

It looked AMAZING... There were 500K people in the streets of LA to [peacefully!!] protest HR4437, the bill that would make it a felony to be an illegal immigrant and criminalize clergy, medical professionals and anyone who has contact with an illegal immigrants -- including familiy members. Additionally it would fund a huge ass fence around the southern border. I agree there needs to be immigration reform, but man, this bill has some major civil rights issues and is a humane way to reform our system.

http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-immigration26mar26,0,6454895.story?coll=la-home-headlines

I'm almost done with finals and man, is it tough. It's not that the project are hard, it's just that I'm so burnt out. I am actually thinking about turning in one of my projects a day earlier just because I don't feel like working on it, even though I could do more. I found out the project is due Fri, not tomorrow (or today as it's already in the AM) but it makes no difference since I couldn't really care less. This is a huge deal for me as I like to obsess over things until they're perfect. I'm just so tired I can't even think.

Tomorrow SpicyThai and I are meeting with our advisor to talk about our "options" for the project. I get tense just thinking about it. I am so sad that this project makes me feel this way.

Blllllaaaaaaahhhhhhhh.

no, this is not about my thesis project
I'm back (although you probably didn't know I was gone). After pulling an all nighter for our project, then engaging in some retail therapy (of which I still need to put in a few more sessions) I took a 1 day break from sitting at my dining room table doing school work to head up north for my great-aunt's funeral. She was my grandmother's closest sister (of 9 bros/sis!). I remember when my grandmother died, my great aunt was there and was a great comfort to my mom as well as my sister and I. It was sad saying good-bye, but she was in so much pain that it was better for her to be at rest. Although funerals are typically supposed to be sad, this one became a happy reunion of sorts for my mom and her gazillion cousins. It was fun to see her cousins and to see second cousins. I realized I have a lot of distant relatives that I don't know. Most of them don't look anything like me or my sister so if I passed them on the street I wouldn't know they were related. I think my mom wants us all to meet in some huge second cousin reunion. I'm sure there's like 30 of us at least.

Saturday's event was a whirlwind of eating and eating Chinese food -- the funeral was a "break" from our meals. I felt sort of sick that evening but went to the in-laws place to hang and ended up eating and then going out for dessert with friends. It was a really nice break, even if it was only a 23 hour trip.

I'm back at the table, trying to finish up 2 final projects before heading back into the thesis project. I'm excited to work on this project because it's a legitimate break from our thesis project. How sad is that?

no sleep 'till it's done
Last night was my first grad school all-nighter. Our rough draft was due today and S-Thai and I worked like crazy. I am too old to stay up all night. This past few weeks has been filled with a lot group thesis project drama. I think we're headed for a break-up but it's going to be messy. Who's going to get the kids (aka the paper sections)? How do we handle "joint" custody?

tick tick tick
68 hours until the rough draft of our group client project draft is due. Apparently my male group members are sweating bullets -- as well they should be. Spicy Thai and I are doing quite well although much is to be done and I'm going to take this deadline as an opportunity to make this project as kick ass as is possible given that S-Thai and I have been forced to take on the roles of project managers/hand-holders/fire-lighters-under-asses/task-masters. Neither of us want this job, but unfortunately this is the only way to get work done. And can I just tell you how much I dislike managing projects that are supposed to be "group" projects. It's like someone hiring you to be part of your "team" and then dumping all the work on you. These guys brought us into this project and we've ended up driving the process.

Another one of our classmates (also in our strong, short Asian woman gang) is doing a similar project to ours and has inadvertently become our support system. I've tried to hold back from complaining about our group dynamics from people outside our group, but I find that she understands our dilemma and is one of "us". That being asid, I think we are helping her feel better about deciding to do her client project solo. Today I was talking to a first year about our group project and she was like, thats really cool, I didn't know you could do the project in a group! And I said, yeah you can... but don't do it.

dude digging

I used this photo as part of a project to explain why this vacant lot would be a good open space in Chinatown. The actual title to this photo, according to minsoo, is "Dude digging." Yes, indeed, one of the major "assets" of this lot is a dude digging for bottles. Dig on, brother. 

7 days
It's T-minus 7 days until the rough draft of our group thesis project is due, and it's not going well. What I mean by "not well" is that we've been going through a rough patch, which some might say is our "storming" phase. I've begun to think of our group as a relationship, one that is not going so well, but we stay in, because we want to make it work so bad. You all know what I'm talking about. So we've been having some intense DTRs. We've talked about changing our ways, getting better, communicating more, initiating more and *gasp* breaking up. See? It is like being in a dating relationship... and it's more like being in a dysfunctional relationship. I'm ready to break up, but my partner in crime (not Minsoo, but my friend, "spicy thai") who is helping me get through it.

One of the most challenging aspects of this whole process is working with someone who seems to be intimidated by me. Yeah, I know intimidated (I hear the laughter). The funny thing is, it's my SIZE that intimidates him. Apparently he's intimidated by short people. At the beginning, I was like, haha and I would joke around by saying "boo!", pretending to scare him. Now I really think it's affecting our work. It's possible that his expectations/characterization of what I'm (and the other female in the group) supposed to be like as a small Asian woman is proving a challenge for him in working with us. As I reflect on our conversations, I realized that he does comment on my gender, ethnicity and size in relation to whatever quality he sees in me (i.e. "Boy, you're an empowered Asian woman!"). And while initially this might seem complementary, I realize that I am also labeled in these instances and that maybe I am exceptions to the rules of women that he already has in his head. It troubles me because while I know it comes into play in the way he interacts with us, I refuse to fit into his mold of what I should be in order ot make him feel better or more comfortable. I've worked too hard to learn how to find my voice and speak my mind. I realize that I need to be careful with what I say, but that doesn't mean not being honest and saying what I need to say.

Anyway, F-r-u-s-t-r-a-t-i-n-g. An understatement.

like toast
I've been feeling very Jessie-Spano-on-no-doze lately. I work like a maniac, but there's still more to be done. I sleep out of necessity, but I don't rest. I eat, but I don't feel satisfied. Dealing with my group thesis project has made me feel like I'm in PA all over again, struggling to apply all of the group process know-how and communication skills I learned oh-so many years ago. I wish I still had a program manager so I could process and discuss and gain some perspective. I've also taken to chanting to myself "keep it together, keep it together" (from bowfinger_) and baking/eating an exorbitant amount of baked goods. Additionally, I don't feel happy about school like I normally do and this is distressing. My nerdom is usually unstoppable but this project has really worn me down.

I'm burnt out.

gray-forehead day
Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday. It's never been a super significant day (*all the good Christians gasp*) for me as growing up, my SouthernBaptist church never celebrated it. They liked to keep Easter real, old school bible style. Anyway, minsoo's church did something for it once and as a result, I began to see it as a significant day for Churched people (myself included). Anyway, I only learned it was going to be gray-forehead day when I looked at my lame-o ucla-approved student planner and there it was:

"Happy Birthday Tommy Clarke! First Day for Issuing UCLABruincard to new and reentering students. Ash Wednesday. Women's history month begins."

Did you catch it? Yeah, I almost didn't. Anyway, one more point for being a "bad" Christian.

Anyway on a more serious Christian-related note, I was looking at one of my favorite verses, Micah 6:8 -- "He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." I realized that, I totally ignore the last two parts of the verse in my daily life. I'm all about standing on my soapbox and talking about justice and mercy, but I lack mercy toward others in general (especially crazy LA drivers) and I'm not even going to go into that being humble part.

Jennifer Knapp says it well in her song "Martyrs and Thieves":
"So turn on the light and reveal all the glory
I am not afraid
To bare all my weakness knowing in meekness
I have a kingdom to gain....

Well I've never been much for the baring of soul
In the presence of any man
I'd rather keep to myself all safe and secure
In the arms of a sinner I am
Could it be that my worth should depend
By the crimson stained grace on a hand
And like a lamp on a hill Lord I pray in Your will
To reveal all of You that I can"

the voices in my head say i am a badass
Last night, I inadvertently stuck it to the man (aka K1nkos). This morning, I was sitting in class after turning in my assignment when I remembered that I didn't pay for the transparency paper I used in the self-serve photocopy machine. I was so frustrated with the non-working color copier that I just left without stopping by the cash register. AW YEAH! I stuck it to the man... by accident! My friend said that I was just making up for the lost computer time that they should have credited me for considering the printer didn't work. Today, when I realized this fact, I was so self-congratulatory, that it was pathetic.

is this the popcopy?
I've been taking a physical planning class and it involves a lot of creative juices in the visual art department. I'm definitely not visually artistic, so it's been like pulling teeth to get my assignments done. On top of that, my prof likes us to print out our work on 11x17 paper in color.

This means the dreaded trip to k1nkos. Trips to K1nkos are one of the most energy-draining activities. The place has the worst customer service, second only to Fry's_Electronics, [although whenever I go there, I use my "helpless untechnologically saavy female" routine, which gets me what I need to get, but makes me feel all icky inside]. I always leave feeling as if the time monster has just placed time-sucking zombies into my life to make things as inefficient and time consuming as possible

Today I went to TWO k1nkos. The first k1nkos gave me a total run-around. When I got there, I had to wait for a computer to be ready, then when it was, it had some kind of error. So I brought my laptop and tried to network to their system to print from there. I couldn't so asked someone. They said they'd help me, but then left to help 2 other people. I asked another guy and he says that I'll need a CD and the manager has it and I should try a computer. So I try the same computer that I think was broken and it surprisingly works now. I think it's conspiracy to drive me nuts. Then I try and print and the printer is off. So I tell a girl who works there and she turns it on and tells me it's going to take a long time to warm up. So I log off (but not before $3.50 in unnecessary computer charges) and wait... and wait... and wait... I see a weird message on the printer, so I ask the girl who works there. She says to ask another worker. I ask the worker and he goes, "Oh, the printer isn't working today." and turns it off. UM HELLO, wouldn't it be nice if there was a SIGN or something telling me so I didn't spend 10 minutes standing by a broken printer???? I leave,feeling defeated, with minsoo in tow. k1nkos has already broken my spirit, i expect nothing less than total frustration.

When I got to the second k1nkos I was a bit irate but not enraged. It took me a bit to flag someone down to send my large printing job to the printer. When I got my printing out, I wanted to hug my documents.

By this time, I'd spent 2.5 hours making a "quick trip to k1nkos."

this is just 1 of 4 things i've been working on all weekend. i like pictures.  

aside from my thesis project, this is what i've been doing all quarter 

glug glug glug
That is the sound of me drowning in all of the work I have to do in the next month. The rough draft of our final group thesis project is due next month and we are far from the draft stage of our project. It's hard to stay motivated when I'm feeling so overwhelmed and frustrated with all of the stuff we have to do. On top of this project, my classwork this quarter is pretty time consuming and challenging.

My school friend told me that he already landed a full-time job post-graduation. Oh yeah, I'm going to graduate in June too and need to look for a job.

glug glug...

nothin's gonna get me down
This is my 5th day engaged in major battle for my immune system against what I've named "sicky sickerson" -- the middle-of-the-quarter-stress cold. So far, I think I have the upper hand in this game as I did some Bush-like pre-emptive strikes on my body. My arsenal was pretty effective -- Emergen_C, A1rborne, homemade Chicken soup (yes I made it all by my sickself), tea, sleep and sweatpants. I haven't fallen victim and am determined to hold my ground as I have a paper due tomorrow.

You can't get me sickerson -- I know you too well. I've ignored your threats before and become victim to your viruses. NO MORE! I will not be taken down.

10 years
This week, i received my first set of e-mails about our 10-year high school reunion.

My closest friend from HS (and one of my bridesmaids) is partially responsible for setting off this dangerous chain of events. She love running into people from HS and actually has interesting conversations with them that are not awkward at all. I think she initiated the reunion discussion with another girl i know. In this way, we are polar opposites. I really don't want to reunite with people who saw me when I inadvertently tried to bring the bowl haircut back in fashion. I also don't want to run into people who booed me after the 8th grade speech contest because I beat the popular guy. I also do not want to awkwardly converse with people who tripped me in the halls and then tried to befriend me so they could copy my homework.

Ah high school, I'm getting all tingly inside.

i wish i carried ninja stars in my pocket
As part of one of my classes, I have to pick a neighborhood and research the types of land uses and user groups in this particular area. I picked Chinatown, to keep it real, of course. It's pretty far from my place, but I figured that I could link this class work to my client thesis project. I've been visiting the area at least 2 times a week so I've gotten pretty attached to the neighborhood. I went on Saturday afternoon to observe user groups at one of my favorite intersections. There's a rec center, a school and a temple the area and tons of people walking up and down the streets.

When I got there, I decided to take a walk around the block. I was walking by the elementary school, when I noticed a guy standing behind a little brick wall. I thought he might be waiting for someone in the shade, or even taking an unexpected pee break. As I was walking by, I noticed he was not doing either, but was instead, was exposing/playing with himself as he watched the little kids playing across the street. It was one of those things that you see and then when you walk away, you say, "Did I just see what I think I just saw?" OH HELL NO.

It was horrible and horrifying. I walked around the corner and reported this pervert at the community safety station. It took me so long to explain to the guy what I'd just seen -- because it's hard to tell someone that you've just seen someone whacking off while watching little kids without using graphic language. Anyway, the safety guy said he'd call the police, but I'm sure the perv had already left his little hiding spot. As I walked back to my car, I started to feel more and more enraged. I was angry because on many levels, this basic violation happens all the time, whether it's perverts on the street watching little girls, or kiddie porn on the web or the sex trade. As an Asian female I am so enraged at the way women and especially women of color are over-sexualized and exploited. Some people may think that this incident is unrelated, but I feel like there are so many connections to larger issues that help perpetuate these cycles. I also could see myself in these these little Chinese girls playing on the street and wanted so badly to protect them.

Today, I was getting groceries out of my car, which was parked across the street from my apartment. I noticed a gigantic Navigator-like car double parked down the street. A second later, the car pulls up, blocking my access to my apt building. The male driver stops and says, "Hey can I have one of those? A drink or something?" After yesterday's incident, I was in no mood to talk to any strangers, especially someone that seemed to be creating a serious safety issue for me by blocking me between my car trunk, the car parked behind me and his car. So I glared at him and said "NO" and continued getting my groceries out. He asked me a few more questions and then drove off. I booked it to my apartment building and retreated inside the gated door.

These are the times when I wish I had a team of assassins or hitmen whom I could whistle or call for to kick ass. I also wish that I carried a sword or a shank or something so that I could take matters into my own hand. I wish I was so empowered that perverts would know that they couldn't F*** with the little Asian girl.

sometimes i'm a little too intense...
I almost had a moment today. By moment, I mean a point in the day when something makes me so impatient/annoyed/irritated/frustrated that I feel like exploding. This moment came during our physical planning class. The graduate advisor interrupted our class to tell us that our department was going through an audit and needed student feedback for the guest panel who was evaluating the program. Our prof decided that our class needed to become the spokespeople for our program and "generously" allotted almost an hour for us to come up with key points to share with the panel. Normally a distraction from a 3 hour class would be welcome. However today our first assignment was due and all of us had spent tons of time on our land use maps. I spent like $20 using the computer and color printing my maps at kinkos so I was prepared to show off my work. Instead of presenting our work like we all thought, we ended up having a complaint session about our program. Twenty bucks down the tube.

The conversation (sans professor who said she wasn't allowed to be there) digressed quickly into a gripe session. Instead of creating a set of solid points, we ended up with a laundry list of random requests and complaints. I guess the point of explosion almost happened during the following moments:
- white girl complains that out-of-state tuition is too expensive. um hello -- this is a freakin public school! many people go to public schools b/c it's affordable for them and they have no choice but to go to school near their home. this girl was complaining b/c she's from out of state. oh yeah, and later she complained that we didnt' have a course that featured a trip abroad like columbia (which she was also considering attending). um girlie, we're a public school. if we lower your tuition, we are definitely not going to have a course with a trip abroad. additionally, why didn't you go to columbia instead of UCLA? The tuition is almost the same. also, can we talk about white privilege here???

- large white dude wearing a suit (had to put that in) was complaining about the lame required classes. totally off topic, just wanted to hear himself speak and dominated the conversation with useless "suggestions". ugh already on my do-not-acknowledge list. (okay, i'm harsh, but whatever)

- older latino dude makes good point about how our convo is not really addressing the issues that the panel wants to hear and everyone ignores him. i'm nodding my head and trying to raise my hand but white people are taking up too much space complaining about things that the panel doesn't care about. white girls are still distressed about lack of real estate finance classes (um, you should have gone to USC_fools!)

- I approached the rep who was organizing the student responses to follow up with him about some of the points (namely about how the diversity was dependent on diverse faculty, etc. etc.) and the dude (who is also the freakishly tall Asian dude) stares at me blankly while I talk to him. Maybe he couldn't hear up there. Or maybe I scared him into silence. All I know is that I felt like I was talking to a wall. I almost growled after talking to him. A classmate asked if I was hopped up on something.

I guess I'm frustrated b/c 1. I didn't get to present my ass-kicking maps (take that white girl who wanted to steal my chinatown area!); 2. the convo could have been way more productive and constructive and strategic and powerful. and 3. the racial/privilege dynamics were so present that it gave me a yucky feeling in my mouth.

yo, it's only week 2
I need a moment to complain about school.

Although in my previous post I was celebrating becoming an "et al" apparently now this new title comes with a catch. My professor told me that I should take a research methods class that he's teaching this quarter. Unfortunately, I've already signed up for a full load of classes and I am happy with the classes. My professor (um, also my advisor) suggested that I take the class because I was already ahead of the group since my paper was almost done. And he hinted that the class might help solidify my co-author status. Yeah, shady.

So basically I've been coerced to take an additional class. On top of that, he told me on Friday that there's already an assignment due so I've been rushing around trying to make up for not bothering to show up for his first class (as I wasn't going to take it, ahem). Also, the assignments are mostly irrelevant to my interested and are mostly geared toward PhD-track students, of which I am not (although have been considering). He also set up a listserv so I've been getting like 5 annoying e-mails/day from the people in the class. I am refusing to share anything online in silent protest, even though people keep saying "Hey, where is everyone else in this class?" I'm here sucka.

This quarter is already shaping up to be a doozy. I guess I'm best when I'm harried, stressed and sleep deprived. Bring it on -- I'll take you down... down to Chinatown (which coincidentally I must visit a couple of hours, 2x/week because of another time-intensive class)

Waaaaahhhhh. Needed to get that out of my system.

it's only sad if you get caught
I got caught enjoying my own blog today. I was sitting across from Minsoo, checking out my latest post on my group's client project blog (upclientproject.blogspot.com) when he asked, "What are you reading?"

When I told him it was my own blog, he cracked up. He said he was wondering what I was reading since I was staring at my screen, grinning to myself. Dang it, I got caught enjoying RE-reading my own story. How sad.

crazy delicious
I know it's been a crazy 3 weeks when my body aches and complains that I've aged it 10 years. Brief recap:
- The week before Christmas I spent a nail-biting week writing a paper based on a packet of statistical analyses that I didn't understand. My prof liked it (ha, i tricked him) and now I will become an "et al". You can call me et.

- Dec 24-28: Christmased with my clan and immediately went up to visit with minsoo's clan.

- watching The Video: best wedding gift that a bunch of high schoolers could have given us.

- Post Christmas: drove home and the next day, picked up Phil's mom who was in town to help our cousin have her baby. Baby came out, we drove around, etc. Crazy baby love ensued.

- New Year's: Chilled out, but spent a lot of time visiting new baby and eating myuk gook. Watched our moms fight over the dim sum check.

- Tuesday-Sun: Hannah came down to join baby love-in. Procrastinated like crazy with the sis I-L, taking her shopping (where she watched ME buy things and I made her buy something) and playing our new favorite (but stinkin' hard) Trivial_pursuit pop culture2. Rad! It was good to hang out and play a bit. Yay for (yet another) sister in the house.

- Fri-Sun: Friends from NU arrived for a wedding, bringing with them the most cake eating in one weekend that I've ever experienced: CupCAKES (Red Velvet at Toast -- YUM - Yay for Couscous, the person, not the grain), Cake from Sweetladyjane's (6 different types - yes, tricialae, cake for breakfast is gooood for you), Wedding cake (chinese cake, yummy with champaign!) and Ice Cream cake (yay for nakji getting old!). *burp*cake tastes yummy. stomach feels funny.

- Sat: Yay for newly-weds Jerry and Chris-Anne. We were all commenting on how happy Jerry looked. I don't think I've ever seen him smile for that long. And don't even get me started on the dancing...

- Weekend Fun times with friends included consuming alcohol (on and off) from 1pm to 1am, eating sushi x2/thai/cuban/korean all in 1 weekend (this is why LA ROCKS), playing guesstures (now I know how to describe bowl-legged), hanging out with the girls and grilling tricialae (straight outta SATC)... so many fun times to remember.

- Monday: Although the weekend ended, we still had nakji in town so we went out for some korean bbq at _Suhrabal. I'd never been there and wasn't really excited about the meat cooking since I was in the mood for soondubu. However, the restaurant served up some of the best kalbi and kalbi jjim that i think I've tasted in recent history. I may have to forgo the gluttony of manna so we can partake in _Suhrabal's yummyness. So good, I was still talking to minsoo about how tender the meat was 3 hours after our meal. I think I'm a little bit in love.

This was a good way to end the weekend and begin the toughest quarter of my grad school career. Yay for family, friends and food. Miss you guys already. :)

q. how can gas "fuel" a revolution?
a. Citgo.

Yo, I've heard about this, but wanted to pass it along, esp for those of you who live near where this gas station is popular. Since most of us drive, this is a tangible way to do something sort of good (I say sort of b/c NOT driving is probably the best option)...

Buy Your Gas at Citgo: Join the BUY-cott!
by Jeff Cohen (CommonDreams.org)

Looking for an easy way to protest Bush foreign policy week after week? And an easy way to help alleviate global poverty? Buy your gasoline at Citgo stations.

And tell your friends.

Of the top oil producing countries in the world, only one is a democracy with a president who was elected on a platform of using his nation's oil revenue to benefit the poor. The country is Venezuela. The President is Hugo Chavez. Call him "the Anti-Bush." [WL note: he's also the guy who Pat Roberson and the oh-so-wonderful 700 club wanted the US to assasinate. Oh those religious nuts.]

Citgo is a U.S. refining and marketing firm that is a wholly owned subsidiary of Venezuela's state-owned oil company. Money you pay to Citgo goes primarily to Venezuela -- not Saudi Arabia or the Middle East. There are 14,000 Citgo gas stations in the US. (Click here http://www.citgo.com/CITGOLocator/StoreLocator.jsp to find one near you.) By buying your gasoline at Citgo, you are contributing to the billions of dollars that Venezuela's democratic government is using to provide health care, literacy and education, and subsidized food for the majority of Venezuelans.

Instead of using government to help the rich and the corporate, as Bush does, Chavez is using the resources and oil revenue of his government to help the poor in Venezuela. A country with so much oil wealth shouldn't have 60 percent of its people living in poverty, earning less than $2 per day. With a mass movement behind him, Chavez is confronting poverty in Venezuela. That's why large majorities have consistently backed him in democratic elections. And why the Bush administration supported an attempted military coup in 2002 that sought to overthrow Chavez.

So this is the opposite of a boycott. Call it a BUYcott. Spread the word.

Of course, if you can take mass transit or bike or walk to your job, you should do so. And we should all work for political changes that move our country toward a cleaner environment based on renewable energy. The BUYcott is for those of us who don't have a practical alternative to filling up our cars.

So get your gas at Citgo. And help fuel a democratic revolution in Venezuela.

no smug married couples here.

no smug married couples here.
We took our first official step toward actually joining a church community this weekend. We went to a retreat for the entire church -- all 3 huge sites of them. It was unlike any other retreat I'd been to -- partially because I didn't leave completely exhausted.

Anyway, one story: at the beginning of the singing time on the first night, to get the crowd warmed up, the MC went through rounds of "if you are a (name-your-life-position) stand up and clap your hands". People were really getting into it. After about 4 rounds of doing this, almost everyone was on their feet clapping -- except for me and Phil and this other couple sitting behind us. They had called out for mothers, fathers, kids, youth, singles to stand... and totally forgot about childless couples. The MC kept saying, "it looks like everyone is up, did I forget anyone? did I forget anyone?" We were too far from the front to shout "YES,CHILDLESS MARRIED COUPLES!" Plus it'd be kinda awkward. So finally, the MC dude should, uh, "If you go to church, stand up!" Phew, yes, I DO go to the church.

Anyway, it sort of seemed like we were a minority demographic - not cool enough to hang out with groups of singles (no seriously, no singles wanted to hang out with us once they found out we were married) and not 'legit' enough to bear off-spring. It was sort of strange. We actually befriended another couple in a similar situation so at least we had some sort of comraderie. All of the people in our small group were either older, married w/kids or single and more interested in meeting up with their single friends than hanging out/inviting us to hang out with them. All in all, I was not altogether jazzed about the weekend. Whoever said that being married couple gets you into a "club" needs to show me where that freakin' club is so I can protest it -- b/c it's a damn lie.

math fun
I don't know much about statistical methods, so I've been desperately looking up info on the internet to help me with my research job over winter break. Here are a few economic terms that I stumbled upon and needed to share:

The Habakkuk Thesis: The Habakkuk thesis is that high wages and labor scarcity stimulated technological progress in the U.S. in the 1800s, and in particular brought about the American system of manufacturing based on interchangeable parts.

The Hahn Problem: The Hahn problem a.k.a. The Hahn (1965) question: when does there exist an equilibrium in a model in which money has positive value?

I know some Hahns -- Brothers J, can you relate?

my new sweatsuit
My tummy is filled with fried rice, kimchee, cookies and pumpkin ice cream.... I feel icky. The strange thing is that I also feel super comfy in my new velour sweat suit. This thing makes everything good. I used to have 3 sets of sweat suits, but they were lost in the apartment disaster of '03 and I hadn't replaced them yet. Over t-day weekend I went shopping with Hannah and Sarah and purchased a new one that is oh-so-comfy. So comfy, that almost every day I come home and immediately change into them, like how Mr. Rogers put on that cardigan when he came home. Anyway, it's almost like the clothing-version of a security blanket. It immediately comforts me, no matter how many papers I have due or how icky I feel from stuffing myself with crappy food.

Ah velour sweat suit pants, my new friend. Drawstring waistbands are the best. Hurrah for pants that don't have to be hemmed!

New and exciting!
2 things:

1. UCLA vs. Northwestern in the Sun Bowl... what to do? what to do? I think I will wear both my UCLA and NU t-shirt during the bowl game and alternate between the two. Or does that seem insane? I think I'll wear my NU shirt sometime this week. Maybe this time, people won't ask if Northwestern is in Seattle. No stupids, it's not!

2. My client project team started a blog to share our nerd adventures as we study gentrification and equitable development in LA's Asian ethnic enclaves.. Check it out.

http://upclientproject.blogspot.com

If you like my nerd talk, you will like this new blog. I think.

the other "woman"
I've been battling a cold this week brought on by allergies and this crazy dry weather. On Wednesday, I felt so sick after my classes so I decided to skip a club meeting on campus that evening and head home early. I called minsoo on my way home to see when he would be home because he also had a late meeting at school. He was already at home when I called so I told him I'd be coming home early too. Instead of the usual positive response I get when I tell my husband I'm coming home early, I got these awkward ums and okays and "I thought you'd be coming home late". So I jokingly respond to this awkwardness by saying, "yeah, so you need to tell that other woman to leave now." And he responded: "It's just that I was going to make some kimchee jjigae and I know you're not a fan of the smell."

Kimchee jjigae: the other woman in my husband's life.

Don't worry, we're in an "open" relationship so I will peacefully co-exist with the KJ, no matter how stinky.