So I can be honest here (I think).
[I apologize in advance for offending any married couples if you are offended, which don't think you should be but whatever.]
I love being married to minsoo. I like the fact that he's clean and doesn't smell. I like that after watching tv on a weeknight he doesn't have to go home becuase he's already home. I hate his farts and am sometimes kept awake by his smell gases but he carries heavy stuff up our stairs and cleans the dishes after dinner.

What I don't like about being married is the idea that once you enter the bonds of matrimony you become "the wife". When you meet people it's not just about you... it's about being part of a "we". They expect you to be "wifely", although I have no idea what that it. I have to say that it sort of drives me crazy. Minsoo is awesome and I enjoy being a couple, but I hate fitting into the hubby mold. And besides we both have too much - what do you call it? - "spirit" to become a docile mr&mrs.

Why do I write about this?

Well, I took the plunge and signed up for a small group bible study at a church. It's not just any small group, but a [dreaded] couples small group. I did it because, well, I don't know. I suppose I felt pressured by it. I guess I was hoping that the group would have older people in it since a lot of people at the church are young singles and I like old people. Rest assured, I did not write "Wai-Ling and Minsoo YU" but instead wrote both of our first and last names (because i haven't changed mine yet, not that I don't like the name or being part of the yusa cuz i love it). I also gave our joint yahoo e-mail since we can both check it and thus have joint responsibility to respond.

Today we got an e-mail from the leader. However, it was address to ME. Just me. The e-mail address has both of our names in it and I wrote both of our names in it, but I received the greeting. The greeting was from the wife/leader who gave us details about a welcome dinner:

"Hi, Julie, Wai-Ling, Joy, and Cindy:
blahblahblahblah details blah blah....Hope to see you and all the hubbies there :) Bless. wife/leader blah blah"

All I have to say is this: Why do _I_ have to be the one to get the greeting and the information? Why is it addressed to me? Am I the event planner as the wife? Am I supposed to be the planner? I know Minsoo jokes about me being "master" but somehow when I am expected to be "master" by others, it kinda makes me mad.

Okay, I'm sure I'm overreacting, but dude, if they expect minsoo to play basketball with the "hubbies" on saturday, they've got another thing coming.

Damn, that's why I like my single friends.

I am now going to write about the complete opposite of katrina.

Laguna Beach: Why I cannot stop watching and why it's rotting my brain

I don't watch the show that much (only in large concentrated doses aka the mtvmarathons), however I spent Saturday at my parents' house (directtv- yeah!) and there was an LB marathon onMTV. When the show is on, I cannot stop watching. I don't know what it is, but all of my natural tv screening processes shut down and I am drawn to the lives of these shallow, ridiculous, rich kids. During every episode, I go through an internal struggle with several phases:

Disbelief:
"Why am I watching a show that leads in with a HillaryDuff song? Who the hell are these people and why can't I tell the difference between them? I'm glad they put their names on screen every two minutes or else I'd never know what was going on. Are these real people or are they child actors? This is weird. Why am I watching a show about high schoolers who are like 9 years younger than me? Too many blonds... Why am I still watching this?"

Submission:
"Why am I still watching this? Oooh is that girl still after that dude? Wait which blond girl likes Jason? Oh wait, is that Talon? Oh crap, brownhaired dude is playing BOTH those blond chicks. Wait a minute, is he going to the dance with BOTH those chicks? Oh no girl you need to dump his player ass..."

Guilt:
"Man, this show sucks. Why am I still watching it? Those kids should get a job. I cannot believe these spoiled kids. All they do is sit at cafes and go shopping. Man, I cannot believe I've been watching these spoiled kids sit at cafes and go shopping. I am pathetic."

Numbness:
"Still... watching... stupid blond teenagers... Need to find out.... what happens when blond girl finds out skater boy has been playing them. Must watch...[insert unintelligble mumbling]"

To quote the fish who gets caught eating poo in FindingNemo -- I am ashamed.

The Katrina Pledge: A commitment to build a new America

Click here to read and sign the Katrina Pledge today. I signed it -- join me. The text of the pledge is below...

Speak out for those who cannot speak, for the rights of all the destitute (Proverbs 31:8).

"The waters of Hurricane Katrina have revealed fault lines of race and class in our nation, washing away our national denial about the large number of Americans who live in poverty and about its disproportionate impact on people of color. We have now seen, and so has the rest of the world, the effects of public policies that sacrifice the common good to private interests and misguided priorities.

In the aftermath of the storm's destruction, a new America must be born in which compassion and conscience reshape our society's priorities at all levels. Together we can transform our country into one where economic security for all is an essential part of our national security.


As a person of faith, I believe that the poverty we have witnessed on the rooftops of New Orleans and the devastated communities of the Gulf Coast is morally unacceptable. Therefore, I join my fellow Americans across the barriers of race, religion, class, and politics in the following commitments:


1. I pledge to be personally involved in helping those whose lives have been affected by this natural disaster - by praying for the victims and their families and by offering my time, talents, and resources to relief and recovery ministries that are meeting their needs.



2. I pledge to work for sweeping change of our nation's priorities. I will press my elected representatives to protect the common good - especially the needs of our poorest families and children - rather than supporting the twin social disasters of tax cuts for the rich and budget cuts that hurt the poor."

Another kickass site: www.truemajority.org

let the people rebuild n.o.
Now that the recovery effort is in full swing, the obligatory celebrity telethon has come and gone and the bush team has gone into spin mode to make up for fouling up, I can tame my anger and outrage. But I'm still not done with kat yet.

There's been tons of money being poured into this effort and it's heartwarming; however having experience with working in non-profits, I know that all are not created equal. Many do not spend a large percentage on their clients and instead use them for admin purposes; the relief agencies have often been criticized for not helping the people in the ways they need it.

On top of all the potential sketchiness about fundraising, there's the little issue of poverty. Many people were poor before the hurricane, are receiving minimal aid and then will basically be left to return to poverty after the red cross leaves. I'm sure many more who were on their way to poverty may become part of the statistic after the relieve workers leave. And let's not talk about how the developers will be taking all of that land that once had low-income housing and project and building new homes that are unaffordable to anyone but the rich. I'm not being cynical; increased unemployment leads to increased poverty and increase of free land is like fresh meat to starving vultures (yes, i'm talking about developers). I do recognize the generosity of Americans, however after all of the water has drained, what happens to the millions of dollars of aid that's supposed to be given to the victims?

A woman writing for the nation suggests that the people affected by the hurricane should have a say in how the money is spent and I totally agree. She also provides names of groups who are doing good work in the area:

From the Nation:
Let the People Rebuild New Orleans
by Naomi Klein

On September 4, six days after Katrina hit, I saw the first glimmer of hope. "The people of New Orleans will not go quietly into the night, scattering across this country to become homeless in countless other cities while federal relief funds are funneled into rebuilding casinos, hotels, chemical plants.... We will not stand idly by while this disaster is used as an opportunity to replace our homes with newly built mansions and condos in a gentrified New Orleans."

The statement came from Community Labor United, a coalition of low-income groups in New Orleans. It went on to demand that a committee made up of evacuees "oversee FEMA, the Red Cross and other organizations collecting resources on behalf of our people.... We are calling for evacuees from our community to actively participate in the rebuilding of New Orleans."

It's a radical concept: The $10.5 billion released by Congress and the $500 million raised by private charities doesn't actually belong to the relief agencies or the government; it belongs to the victims. The agencies entrusted with the money should be accountable to them. Put another way, the people Barbara Bush tactfully described as "underprivileged anyway" just got very rich.

Except relief and reconstruction never seem to work like that. When I was in Sri Lanka six months after the tsunami, many survivors told me that the reconstruction was victimizing them all over again. A council of the country's most prominent businesspeople had been put in charge of the process, and they were handing the coast over to tourist developers at a frantic pace. Meanwhile, hundreds of thousands of poor fishing people were still stuck in sweltering inland camps, patrolled by soldiers with machine guns and entirely dependent on relief agencies for food and water. They called reconstruction "the second tsunami."

There are already signs that New Orleans evacuees could face a similarly brutal second storm. Jimmy Reiss, chairman of the New Orleans Business Council, told Newsweek that he has been brainstorming about how "to use this catastrophe as a once-in-an-eon opportunity to change the dynamic." The Business Council's wish list is well-known: low wages, low taxes, more luxury condos and hotels. Before the flood, this highly profitable vision was already displacing thousands of poor African-Americans: While their music and culture was for sale in an increasingly corporatized French Quarter (where only 4.3 percent of residents are black), their housing developments were being torn down. "For white tourists and businesspeople, New Orleans' reputation is 'a great place to have a vacation but don't leave the French Quarter or you'll get shot,'" Jordan Flaherty, a New Orleans-based labor organizer told me the day after he left the city by boat. "Now the developers have their big chance to disperse the obstacle to gentrification--poor people."

Here's a better idea: New Orleans could be reconstructed by and for the very people most victimized by the flood. Schools and hospitals that were falling apart before could finally have adequate resources; the rebuilding could create thousands of local jobs and provide massive skills training in decent paying industries. Rather than handing over the reconstruction to the same corrupt elite that failed the city so spectacularly, the effort could be led by groups like Douglass Community Coalition. Before the hurricane this remarkable assembly of parents, teachers, students and artists was trying to reconstruct the city from the ravages of poverty by transforming Frederick Douglass Senior High School into a model of community learning. They have already done the painstaking work of building consensus around education reform. Now that the funds are flowing, shouldn't they have the tools to rebuild every ailing public school in the city?

For a people's reconstruction process to become a reality (and to keep more contracts from going to Halliburton), the evacuees must be at the center of all decision-making. According to Curtis Muhammad of Community Labor United, the disaster's starkest lesson is that African-Americans cannot count on any level of government to protect them. "We had no caretakers," he says. That means the community groups that do represent African-Americans in Louisiana and Mississippi -- many of which lost staff, office space and equipment in the flood -- need our support now. Only a massive injection of cash and volunteers will enable them to do the crucial work of organizing evacuees -- currently scattered through forty-one states--into a powerful political constituency. The most pressing question is where evacuees will live over the next few months. A dangerous consensus is building that they should collect a little charity, apply for a job at the Houston Wal-Mart and move on. Muhammad and CLU, however, are calling for the right to return: they know that if evacuees are going to have houses and schools to come back to, many will need to return to their home states and fight for them.

These ideas are not without precedent. When Mexico City was struck by a devastating earthquake in 1985, the state also failed the people: poorly constructed public housing crumbled and the army was ready to bulldoze buildings with survivors still trapped inside. A month after the quake 40,000 angry refugees marched on the government, refusing to be relocated out of their neighborhoods and demanding a "Democratic Reconstruction." Not only were 50,000 new dwellings for the homeless built in a year; the neighborhood groups that grew out of the rubble launched a movement that is challenging Mexico's traditional power holders to this day.

And the people I met in Sri Lanka have grown tired of waiting for the promised relief. Some survivors are now calling for a People's Planning Commission for Post-Tsunami Recovery. They say the relief agencies should answer to them; it's their money, after all.

The idea could take hold in the United States, and it must. Because there is only one thing that can compensate the victims of this most human of natural disasters, and that is what has been denied them throughout: power. It will be a long and difficult battle, but New Orleans' evacuees should draw strength from the knowledge that they are no longer poor people; they are rich people who have been temporarily locked out of their bank accounts.

Those wanting to donate to a people's reconstruction can make checks out to the Vanguard Public Foundation, 383 Rhode Island St., Suite 301, San Francisco, CA 94103. Checks should be earmarked "People's Hurricane Fund."

write it my brothers
There's been a huge response to kat; I'm not talking about the relief effort. I'm talking about the rhetoric and the commentary on America in general. Yes, I'm definitely going to continue adding to the noise, but I guess it's my coping mechanism. It's also a way to talk about serious things -- not just about how horrible the images are or how bad I feel for everyone affect and not about how people are showing such kindness. We all know this.

Here are 2 really good articles that say what I want to say. One is from the guy who does Left, Right & Center on NPR and the other is from sojourners, a really relevant Christian Social Justice org. that bring me hope that there are other Christians who are not religious nuts:
--------------------------------
"The real costs of a culture of greed by Robert Scheer

WHAT THE WORLD has witnessed this past week is an image of poverty and social disarray that tears away the affluent mask of the United States. [JL sidenote: OH HELL YES.]

Instead of the much-celebrated American can-do machine that promises to bring freedom and prosperity to less fortunate people abroad, we have seen a callous official incompetence that puts even Third World rulers to shame. The well-reported litany of mistakes by the Bush administration in failing to prevent and respond to Katrina's destruction grew longer with each hour's grim revelation from the streets of an apocalyptic New Orleans.
Yet the problem is much deeper. For half a century, free-market purists have to great effect denigrated the essential role that modern government performs as some terrible liberal plot. Thus, the symbolism of New Orleans' flooding is tragically apt: Franklin Roosevelt's New Deal and Louisiana Gov. Huey Long's ambitious populist reforms in the 1930s eased Louisiana out of feudalism and toward modernity; the Reagan Revolution and the callousness of both Bush administrations have sent them back toward the abyss.

Now we have a president who wastes tax revenues in Iraq instead of protecting us at home. Levee improvements were deferred in recent years even after congressional approval, reportedly prompting EPA staffers to dub flooded New Orleans "Lake George."

None of this is an oversight, or simple incompetence. It is the result of a campaign by most Republicans and too many Democrats to systematically vilify the role of government in American life. Manipulative politicians have convinced lower- and middle-class whites that their own economic pains were caused by "quasi-socialist" government policies that aid only poor brown and black people — even as corporate profits and CEO salaries soared.

For decades we have seen social services that benefit everyone — education, community policing, public health, environmental protections and infrastructure repair, emergency services — in steady, steep decline in the face of tax cuts and rising military spending. But it is a false savings; it will certainly cost exponentially more to save New Orleans than it would have to protect it in the first place.

And, although the wealthy can soften the blow of this national decline by sending their kids to private school, building walls around their communities and checking into distant hotels in the face of approaching calamities, others, like the 150,000 people living below the poverty line in the Katrina damage area — one-third of whom are elderly — are left exposed.

Watching on television the stark vulnerability of a permanent underclass of African Americans living in New Orleans ghettos is terrifying. It should be remembered, however, that even when hurricanes are not threatening their lives and sanity, they live in rotting housing complexes, attend embarrassingly ill-equipped public schools and, lacking adequate police protection, are frequently terrorized by unemployed, uneducated young men.

In fact, rather than an anomaly, the public suffering of these desperate Americans is a symbol for a nation that is becoming progressively poorer under the leadership of the party of Big Business. As Katrina was making its devastating landfall, the U.S. Census Bureau released new figures that show that since 1999, the income of the poorest fifth of Americans has dropped 8.7% in inflation-adjusted dollars. Last year alone, 1.1 million were added to the 36 million already on the poverty rolls.

For those who have trouble with statistics, here's the shorthand: The rich have been getting richer and the poor have been getting, in the ripe populist language of Louisiana's legendary Long, the shaft.[JL sidenote: YOU DAMN RIGHT.]

These are people who have long since been abandoned to their fate. Despite the deep religiosity of the Gulf States and the United States in general, it is the gods of greed that seem to rule. Case in point: The crucial New Orleans marshland that absorbs excess water during storms has been greatly denuded by rampant commercial development allowed by a deregulation-crazy culture that favors a quick buck over long-term community benefits. [GRRRR.]

Given all this, it is no surprise that leaders, from the White House on down, haven't done right by the people of New Orleans and the rest of the region, before and after what insurance companies insultingly call an "act of God."

Fact is, most of them, and especially our president, just don't care about the people who can't afford to attend political fundraisers or pay for high-priced lobbyists. No, these folks are supposed to be cruising on the rising tide of a booming, unregulated economy that "floats all boats."

They were left floating all right."

------------------
From Sojo mail:
Acts of God or sins of humanity?
by Wes Granberg-Michaelson
From a vacation cottage Karin and I watched on TV as the desolation unfolded in New Orleans and the Gulf coast. Through that agonizing week we sat helpless with millions, while the world's most technologically powerful nation could not provide food, water, and rescue to fellow citizens whose desperate faces filled our screen and haunted our consciences.


Commentators described Hurricane Katrina as a "natural disaster," or at times as an "act of God," like language used in some insurance policies describing events beyond human control. It means no one is liable. Except, of course, God. And that's what troubles me. How can a God of love, Creator of all that is, be responsible for such terrible, destructive disasters?


But as I listened, reflected, and prayed during that week, another question emerged. Just how "natural" was this disaster? Consider this, for instance. When Katrina left the Florida coast, it was classified as a "tropical storm" - not even a hurricane. It picked up tremendous power as it passed through the Gulf of Mexico, in part, experts think, because the waters of the Gulf were two degrees warmer than normal. So by the time it reached New Orleans, it was a category four hurricane.


Years before becoming general secretary of the Reformed Church in America, I led a group studying global warming and the responsibility of the churches for preserving the environment when I served as director of Church and Society for the World Council of Churches. Even then (1990), a clear global scientific consensus warned that global warming due to human causes - especially the accelerated use of fossil fuels - was causing disruptive climate changes. And I clearly remember listening to scientists say that one effect could be that storms such as hurricanes would increase in their intensity and destructive effects because of warmer waters and changing sea levels. So a part of Katrina's fury was not completely "natural."


And there's more. New Orleans was built between the Mississippi River and the Gulf of Mexico, with much of the city below sea level. Its vulnerability to flooding from hurricanes was partly protected by the wetlands between the city and the Gulf. These act like a "speed bump," absorbing and lowering some of a hurricane's force. But they've been disappearing, making way for shopping malls, condos, and roads, so 25 square miles are lost each year - an area the size of Manhattan. And the city has kept moving closer to the Gulf.


Moreover, the levees and dams constructed to protect the city and "control" the Mississippi deprive the wetlands from the sediments and nutrients that naturally would replenish its life. There's a lot "unnatural" about this "act of God."



And then, consider the victims. Those who have suffered the most are the poorest, and most of them are black. Twenty-seven percent of New Orleans residents lived below the poverty line, and many of those simply had no cars, or no money, and no way to leave. That also isn't "natural." The poverty rate, and the gap between rich and poor, continues to increase in this nation, and that is a national disgrace. More to our point, that's a sin, condemned by literally hundreds of verses of scripture. Those most vulnerable to Katrina have been kept on society's margins by persistent economic injustice and racism.


I celebrate the tides of compassion flowing in the wake of Katrina. Organizations such as Church World Service and the Salvation Army bear the compassion of Christ to the desolate, homeless, and hopeless. And I still don't fully understand why, in the providence of a loving and all-powerful God of creation, things like hurricanes and earthquakes happen.


But I do know this. When I see the devastating effects of Katrina, I don't simply regard these as an inexplicable "act of God." I also focus on the sins of humanity. We've disobeyed God's clear biblical instructions to preserve the integrity of God's good creation, and to overcome the scourge of poverty. In the aftermath of Katrina, we desperately need not only compassion, but also repentance.

big bad kat
Okay, I'm throwing my blogging hat into the ring to talk about the latest human tragedy. Here's a few thoughts that I'm sure have already been articulated, but sum up my thoughts:

- Institutional Racism. Oh yeah, I'm one of those. It's not a conspiracy, but inherent inequalities built into our system which reinforce these racial dichotomies. People didn't consciously decide only to help white people get out of N.O. It's that those with resources, those who have been benefiting from policies (i.e. more money to expand freeways but not public transportation, cutting taxes for the rich while poor urban schools struggle) geared toward the rich who had the ability to exit the city. So who was left? The poor people. And yes, those people are people of color, which is no surprise since they live in the poorest neighborhoods... I could go on but I'll move toward...

- Yellow/Brown people. Where they heck are they on the news? My grandfather was a pastor in Mississipi so I KNOW there are Chinese people there. There are a few stories here and there about Vietnamese in N.O. area but dude, come on. Once again, it's a black-white issue, with no room for a discussion of people of color as a group. Sometimes the apathy of Asians can't be blamed because heck, we never see what's going on with our people. As far as some of us are concerned, we all live in subdivisions near urban areas with asian supermarkets. Damn I hate those 'burbs. Wow I digress...

- No one listens to researchers & experts. I was sad to hear about those reports that predicted mass destruction after a hurricane hit LA. Urban planners do that type of stuff all the time and make suggestions for change. It made me question how much change can be made if you're only making suggestions for change and not in charge of making those suggestions a reality. It's like in the movies when the nerd predicts the bad things that are going to happen and no one listens to him so he just goes crazy. Eventually the "hero" finds this guys who's gone insane and the nerd becomes the kooky sidekick. Wait, was that a movie I actually watched?

- Disaster relief. I love generosity, but I hate it that once again, it takes a big one-time event to make people be generous and to make us aware of the poor.

- Brokenness is so sad. It always is. I am thankful for what I've got and I definitely don't give thanks enough.

now that i have more time on my hands...
I have more time to rant about the crazies of this world. Two cases I'd like to highlight:
- the Chinese girl who uses T0m Cruise as her hero. And, um that crazy picture, which I assume is the book cover, in which she's wearing that red nightie is wrong, so wrong. On so many levels, so sad. An embarrassment to me as an AA woman. Horrible.

- PatR0bertson. Crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. crazy. Go to www.sojo.net and read Wallis' article entitled: "Pat R0bertson: An embarrassment to the church." Oh yeah, this is what I'm talking about.

These things make want to growl. GRRRRRRRR!

my lazy days of summer
Nothing much going on here. I've been spending most of my time in the apartment, away from temptations to spend money. Yesterday, I left the apartment to hang out with a school friend in K-town (btw, why are K-town cafes so friggin expensive?) and tonight minsoo took me out for a walk on 3rd st in SaMo (my new abbr for SantaMonica). Luckily I had HarryPotter5 & TV show DVDs to keep me company. We also bought a cheapo antenna to help with the no-cable-tv situation, so I get a fuzzy ch4, 7, 11 & 13 as well as all of the Spanish channels.

Anyway, this is all boring. So boring, that even I'm bored at myself. I'm loving this free time but it really makes for a boring post.

just like the billboards of silhouettes dancing against colored backgrounds

Minsoo and I finally did it: We opened up our iP0ds, gifts from our groomsmen. We received the gifts before the wedding but we put off opened up the boxes until we were able to devote time to playing with it. Today we peeled off the wrapping and plugged 'em into our laptops. I am listening to it as I type -- it's awesome! It's also pink, which makes it even cooler. I know that I'm behind the times as it seems like most people have some sort of ip0d gadget, but I'm still going to thoroughly enjoy the newness of it since it's new to me.

Now all I need is a pair of rollerskates and I can be one of those anonymous people in the ads.

So fun, so fun.

next event: bridal magazine bonfire
I'm sure most of the people who frequent this blog were there, but almost 3 weeks ago, minsoo and tied the kn0t. Yahoo! There's so much to share and I can't share it all, but here are a few details (in no particular order) that made the day one of the most special days of my life:

My hotel room was super fabulous old school. I also reserved this fat suite adjoining my room, which also opened up to my sister's room. The suite was awesome - it had a kitchen, a dining area, living area and tons of huge windows. In the 4 days we booked it we hosted a bachelorette party, open house with friends, super bridal prep room, a chinese tea ceremony and another get together with friends post-reception. Super fun times.

I woke up on my wedding day super happy. Sure, it was about 6:30am and I went to sleep past midnight, but my internal clock was telling me that it was a special day. I managed to stay in an amazingly wonderful mood all day, even while I was screaming at the tux guys about my dad's botched tux. The best part about being super happy was being able to eat all day -- a rare treat for a bride.

My sister/sister-in-laws are probably three of the most awesome women I know. I think I will have to battle it out with anyone else who says they have good sisters. I now have THREE sisters that rock my world. Oh yeah, and a great hubby.

My friends totally came through and made the day a smashing success. It was super beautiful thanks to some hard working ladies. The church and the ballroom looked just like I had hoped it would. Yeah!

Mrs. Yu hooked the bridesmaids up with hankies, which came in so handy, not only because most of the girls were bawling during the ceremony, but because minsoo was sweating like I've never seen him sweat before. When we looked at the raw wedding video footage, you can see me hand him the hanky repeatedly during prayer times so he could wipe himself. The hotest day of the summer = our wedding day.

The Moms' dresses - visions in sage and light green. They both looked amazing and unknowingly picked the same color for dresses, thus coordinating. Plus, the dress colors totally blended with the girls' dresses = cool family photos. I'd have to add that my mom looked more glam than I've ever seen her before. She even bought 3-inch sparkly glam heels that I wish I had worn with my wedding gown!

Happy family members. My 90+ year old grandmother was so happy, despite the heat. She will probably not remember my wedding at all, but when she has a good day, everyone in the Lee family has a good day. I think she also enjoyed the bubbly we served at dinner. ;)

Cool looking cake. I went with Minsoo and Sarah to pick out the cake design and when we went to the store, i totally had a melt down and refused to pick a style. Minsoo made the final decision and I must say, he did a great job. Too bad we only got a tiny piece.

Looking fabulous. I don't think I've ever felt more fabulous than my wedding day. It was amazing. From my hair to my makeup (so much props to KarenKim who worked WONDERS in such a short time without even practicing - amazing) to my multiple dresses, I really did feel like a princess. My acne didn't flare up, despite the stress and my contacts pulled through too. My toe didn't even really hurt! I definitely wish I had been able to wear more glamorous shoes all through the night, but I guess it didn't matter.

Being so happy. Looking back, I can pick out so many things that I might have been unhappy about. However, getting married made everything else fade away. I was so happy and it was so awesome to see friends and family and to just feel celebrated. Being able to make a life-long commitment with my best friend in front of those I love made the day special without any bells or whistles of weddings.

Anyway, I didn't feel like recapping the whole day and quite frankly, it wasn't a totally unique day for those of you who've been in or been to a wedding. I had a great time, was happier than I've been since June 11, 2004 (the day we got engaged) and am totally relieved that IT'S FINALLY OVER. I have yet to burn my bridal magazines in a post-wedding cleansing ritual, but am looking forward to being free of the kn0t and shopping for white accessories.

Hooray! Enjoy some of the pics below.

We did it! We got married. :) 

Gratuitous shot of my dress. 

Walking down the aisle to "My Girl," played by a string quartet. 

The Lee Family, on the way to the church 

bring it on!
I'm getting maaaarrrried. I'm getting maaaaarrried. I-I-I am getting maaaarrrried. [doing Elliot's "I-told-you-so" dance from Season 1Scrubs]

Let the party begin.

get me to that altar.
This is my last post before I drive up north to get hitched. My car is packed with things that in any normal situation, I would never have packed for a road trip to SJ. For example - a printer and a weird paper plate with bows and ribbons hanging off of it.

There's a lot of work to be done before the day and each day feels like 5 days packed full of wedding work, worries and drama.

5 more days. Dang, feels weird to write it. Well, not really.

so true
Wow. Speak and Spel1s are AWESOME.

You're a Speak & Spell!! You nerd, you. Just
because you were disguised as a toy doesn't
mean you weren't educational, you sneaky
bastard.


What childhood toy from the 80s are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I really really wanted a speak and spel1 toy as a kid but my parents said it was too expensive. I guess they figured I could use the dictionary to spell my own words.

all dressed up and no place to go
This weekend, Minsoo and I headed up to northern ca for a wedding. We got to hang out with some people on Friday night, did some wedding stuff Saturday and then headed up to Berkeley on Saturday night for the wedding. I was excited to see some friends from my old work and to see my friend get married so we made sure to leave the south bay an hour and a half early just in case of traffic on 88o. We made it up to the Berkeley H1lls a half an hour early. Before we got out of the car, I checked my make-up and the invitation one more time. This is when I noticed that I had made a terrible mistake.


(please see below)





(the invitation) 

So yeah. I got it wrong. Not only did I mess up the day of the week, but the week of the wedding. I hate to be late to events, but man, being 8 days early is a little much. I was horrified. Luckily Minsoo thought this was pretty funny so he didn't mind this little mistake. He laughed at me the whole way back home. I just kept muttering under my breath that I had muffed it up.

I think this was a little divine intervention because instead of going to the wedding, we had more time up north to hang out with friends and laugh, mostly at my expense. We ended up tagging along on the Bethe1 young adult/college retreat to Monterey, which was a much needed time to just hang out with friends and mess around. I don't think that I would have allowed myself to take a break before the wedding, but maybe it was God's plan all along to give us a little vacation, I don't know. All I know is that messing up the wedding day made for a great story that our friends and family thoroughly enjoyed.

Less than three weeks baby.

the countdown begins
Finals are over, I'm still working part time and doing a side research project with classmates on slumlords in addition to continuing wedding planning. I know, I need to be slapped silly. I need to stop overcommitting myself.

30 more days until I don't have to plan anymore, I mean, until I get married. I can't wait.

7 more days until we start moving our stuff into the new apartment. Yay!

That's it.

please laugh at me.
i've gone insane.

i am sitting at my dining room table in front of an unfinished paper with books and papers strewn everywhere, crying as I watch t1c's wedd1ng story and drinking a corona (i'm all out of d1et coke, my drink of choice). it's 1:47pm on a thursday afternoon.

i am ridiculous.

i'll order one glass of whine...
I'm at my apartment, alone. My friend was here, doing a group paper with me, but she left to go to small group. My roommate is done with finals and left to go out on a date. Even Minsoo is going out tonight -- on a date with his roommate to see thebatman movie. And I'm here, starting on paper number #3. Blah!

Man, it sucks to I see my roommate (who spends most of his time at work, at school or in his room playing video games) getting all spiffed up for his date while I'm sitting here, dishelved from paper-writing, in the midst of a pile of books, with a bum toe.

Okay, my glass of whine is finished. I am cracking the whip and getting it done!

This weekend has been a whirlwind of events. I went to Hillary's wedding. I cannot believe she is a married woman -- and before I AM! I am envious. It was great to meet her hubby and hang out with them. I'm really happy for her and he seems like a really good guy. Yay for Hill --- not yay for the booty humid weather. Minsoo and I stepped outside the airport and both said: "gross." Anyway the weekend was cool and we got to spent tons of time with Beast. I haven't laughed that hard in a while. The only downside was the fact that I had school on the brain the whole time. I have three papers due and am not done with any of them. Oh well...

Another exciting event this weekend: Minsoo and I signed the lease on our first apartment together. It was crazy and awesome to get to do something marriage-related instead of only wedding-related. Our apartment is dang expensive (it's LA, after all), but it has has some cool features -- a whole f00ds across the street, a star$s ($=buck) at the other corner and a bl0ckbuster at the end of the block. The bus to campus stops on that same corner too. It's pretty awesome. Minsoo has to drive far, but at least we're not living in a ghetto neighborhood. Hopefully no more calling the cops like I did in Campbell. Wow, we're gonna be roommates! No more posting ads on craigsl1st for me, PRAISE GOD.

5 more day and I'm done with my first year at grad school. Just need to get through this...

i always forget.
I am the worst at remembering birthdays and other dates that don't involve some sort of day off work. This past week, minsoo came over to my apartment and brought me a bunch of tulips. I was surprised at this gesture until I realized why... oh crap. Our 5th year anniversary. Anyway, to make up for once again, forgetting, here is a an essay dedicated to the best fiance ever:

Why minsoo is the best fiance ever. A list By Wai-ling.
- My white girl friends think he's cute. [read: All the girls want to be with him.]
- My Male Asian classmate thinks minsoo (aka AAM) is so cool. [read: All the guys want to be him.]
- He buys me jamba juice when I ask him to. He stopped to buy me one after I had my toe surgery and was in the car whining in pain for an hour. It was green tea.
- He drives far distances to see me. Like the time he drove from SJ to LA to surprise me for my b-day.
- He helped me clean up asbestos.
- He helped me move out of 7 different places in the past 5 years.
- I asked him to wake up at 6am on two holidays to help at the meals on wheels project. It was cold, but he went with me anyway.
- I ask him to come and see my middle school kids show off their stuff at the afterschool project presentations. He obliged.
- I asked him to go to south central LA to take pictures of vacant lots. He did it.
- He lets me watch Ver0n1ca mars.
- Sometimes, I feel like I am mean to him. But he is nice to me.

The end.

i'm free, but not really
I've been freed from my antibiotics but am now bound to the graduate computer lab. I have two presentations due next week and three papers due the week after that. I'm still limping but hopefully my toe will get better soon. I will be done soon, however, these next two weeks look a little bit scary. In my head, I know I should be all stressed out, but I'm really not because I think I've become numb to all the stress. I'm hoping not to have anything else on my plate or else I might really crack under the pressure.

Also -- people, send me your RSVP cards!

changing pace
It's been just over a month since I heard about Lisa, my jr/high school friend who passed away of cancer. I just finished writing the sympathy card that I've been hanging on to for weeks. My whole apt fiasco and my toe threw me off and I really wanted to write a genuine card to her parents. In the meantime, I found a good photo to send to her parents, I had the chance to talk to some of my high school friends and do some more memorializing. One thing I learned from Lisa is that true friends are hard to find. I always knew that she was a good friend, but I was too caught up in everything else to really hang on to her friendship. She was kind of a social outcast because she was so honest and I think I sort of distanced myself from her because of the whole trying to be cool high school thing. I wish I had kept in touch with her. It makes me thankful of my long-time friendship with Summer, who's going to be my bridesmaid. You can't take those types of relationships for granted. You also can't replace friends who've known you when you looked your ugliest.

I am also somewhat reflective because my sister just left for her new job in Albuquerque. She stopped in LA on her way and during her time here, I realized how integral sisters are to one anothers' development (in both positive and negative ways). I am going to try and be a better, more prayerful, more patient and more understanding sister. This is a tall order, I know.

I just want to be a better person, in general. You know?

crazy (me and everything around me)
Things are crazy right now. Today I drove wrecklessly to campus on a bum toe talking on my cell phone trying to arrange my bridal hair appts and cleaning my apt before I move out while trying to remember what I read the night before so I was prepared for class. I ended up safely on campus, only to watch my lunch get cold while trying to limp to class and making hotel arrangements over the phone for the wedding. I CANNOT MULTITASK ANYMORE. I... AM... SO... TIRED.

So today when I got a letter from my school saying I got a fellowship, I thought I saw a ray of sunshine. However, when my mom read the letter closely it read: "The department of urban planning WILL RECOMMEND to the graduate division that you be awarded...."

What does "will recommend" mean? Does this mean I have to compete with more people? Do I get it or will I have to wait for funds to come through?

Why oh why do you have to tease me so?

Final project presentations are due next week. Gotta push through to the end.

more toe
Day 4 of antibiotics. I hate medicine. My foot still looks sort of gross. I've been at my parents house for almost 3 weeks straight, with a few trips to the doctors here and there. I'm glad the house has a lot of windows because I'd feel really cooped up. My co-worker and my classmate drove down here to hang out and study with me, which was really cool. I actually spent an exciting Saturday night doing my GIS project. Yeah, yeah, I need to get out more often. You tell my big swollen toe and my partial toenail that. Did you know that antibiotics, ahem, cleanses your system? Ughhhhhh.

On another note: 7 weeks until the wedding. YIKES. If I can just get through the next three weeks of final projects, It'll be all good. I should really just get all of the project done early...HHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAH. who am I kidding?

probably too much information...
I went to the doctor yesterday because my toe looked gross and there was some oozing. Yeah, gross, huh? I was afraid that he'd tell me I'd need to take antibiotics and sure enough, he prescribed these 500mg pills to take 4 times a day for 10 days. Some people may find medication inconvenient, but I'm one of the few adults that cannot swallow pills. I wasn't very sick as a kid and so I never really practiced popping pills. Anyway, taking medication is not one of my strong points. It's embarrassing, but true. However, last night I swallowed the first pill in the first try! I know, I know, it's such a natural thing to most people, but considering these past few weeks, it's quite significant. Today I also swallowed two pills. Granted, I threw one up, but swallowing 2 is still swallowing 2.

4 pills * 10 days = 40 pills - 4 (2 taken, 1 thrown up, 1 spit out) = 36 more.

36 more to go.

sick toe
I spent the past few days recovering from my toenail surgery at my parents' house. I can't walk so I use one of our kitchen chairs with wheels to move around the house. I am glad they put in hard wood floors. My toe hasn't gotten better so I'm kind of worried, but I suppose it just takes a long time. It looks pretty disgusting and my toe will never be the same again, but hopefully I won't have the ghost of the pedicure spa haunting me again. It sucks to be moping around the house -- I haven't left the building since friday early evening and it looks like I'll be here for at least another day. I can barely take two steps, so driving is out of the question.

Ack. It's week 8 so only 3 more weeks to go before this quarter is over. I need some motivation.

it never ends
It's been 7 days since I noticed water gushing from my ceiling. Today, I went back to my apartment to check out the new carpet that the manager promised would be installed today. It was there, in all of it's new-carpet-smelly ugly brown patterned glory. I started to put things back in its place when I heard it -- the sound of dripping water on carpet.

Oh HELL NO. (as I wave my index finger in the air) There was water dripping from my smoke detector in my room... onto my new carpet.

I called the maintenance line (surprise! no one knew what was going on and they said it would be fixed tomorrow - oh no it would not, I told myself). I found an old message from the manager who gave me his cell phone number so I called him and he came right over.

So tonight, there is a large recycling container in my room catching the dripping brown water. I am at my parents' house.

Oh yeah and I'm having minor surgery on my toe. Remember the pedicure went wrong? It's coming back to haunt me. It never stops.

nice girls don't get their apartments fixed
There's this new book out called "N1ce g1rls don't get rich" and I've adapted that title to reflect my current situation.

My roommate is much more relaxed about things, but I suppose it's because his room wasn't affected and he hasn't faced this situation twice. I, on the other hand, have been calling all of the apartment management and letting them know that I am not pleased at the lack of progress in my apartment. Apparently word has gotten around about my displeasure because the maintenance guy called me twice to assure me of the progress in my apartment. In any other situation I might feel guilty for being so pushy, but in this case I am just glad that this time I am hopefully not going to have to pull out the lawyer card.

I think I've definitely learned more about asserting myself in these situations. Even if it's not a huge inconvenience (which it is!), I've found that unless I let them know that it is, they are only going to do what is in their best interest (which is doing the minimal on their own timeline) and try and placate me with temporary hotel accomodations and cooing "Honey, don't worry, it'll be okay." Um hello -- It's not okay to have to live in another place for over 5 days because of an accident and not be guaranteed pro-rated rent. It's not okay to not be informed everyday if anything is going to be done in our apartment if they weren't able to tell us the exact timeline of the process. It's not okay to honey-darling-sweetheart me ANYMORE. To quote Thomas (the little kid who wrote that note on my behalf), I don't play.

This time, I'm not playing nice girl.

update
I'd like to say I have an update on my apartment, but so far nothing has been done. AND I AM FREAKING PISSED ABOUT THIS. Typically, after 48 hours of messing up the carpet and having huge noisy machines drying the place, you replace the carpet pad and shampoos (if not replace) the carpet. But it's been over 48 hours, if I'm not mistaken and NOTHING HAS BEEN DONE.

I am freakin pissed. A few of my "highlights from this weekend":
- Wearing the same thing several times (I hope that Minsoo and Messy didn't notice. I'm glad Minsoo's parents were only here for one day). I had some clean underwear --thank goodness.
- Driving from redondo to culvercity with my gas light on. Gas is expensive, especially when you have to commute from where you're staying to where you live to check on the carpet and your messed up apartment where NOTHING HAS BEEN DONE.
- have people say, "you're kidding me!" or "you're right, you really are bad luck to live with" or "wow it's almost funny. but it's not."

So I guess I'm painting the picture that this weekend was all bad, which it wasn't. I'm thankful that my parents live nearby and that I got to spend time with (soon to be) both sides of the Family (Yu and Lee). I watched a lot of Ver0n1ca Mars, which I am now addicted to (though my "dealer" aka minsoo only lets me watch 2 episodes at a time), ate some korean bbq, tried on my HanBok for the weddin', got more invites back in the mail (send them in peoples!).

This weekend, aside from the nasty ass brown water coming through my ceiling, was pretty decent.

so envious...
of many people. For instance, I am envious of people who....
... have a place to live where water does not come out of the ceiling
... get lasik surgery.
... have money to get lasik surgery
... are finished with school
... have money. not a lot, just enough to not be in debt.
... have a place to live where water does not come out of the ceiling.

i woke up this morning...
To the sound of rushing water. Was it my roommate washing his dishes? My upstairs neighbors taking a shower?
NO IT WAS MY FREAKING CEILING RAINING DOWN ON ME. Um, yeah and the water is brown and warm.


I am not kidding. This cannot be happening --- AGAIN. [Yes,that is my roommate.] 

Mmm warm brown water 

bapt1sts
There are tons of things I can't stand about the Bapt1st church, but since I grew up in one, I defend some of its characteristics, such as full immersion baptisms and monthly communion. However, once again, the Baptists give me little reason to continue my association with them. First it was the racist vbs material, now there's a Bapt1st church pastor that asked people to vote out democrats from the church membership. UGH.

my sides still hurt from laughing
I had a hilarious blast-from-the-past tonight when I was studying with minsoo and messy. We were talking about the song "the Gl0ry of L0ve" (we still can't figure out how we we started this conversation) when I remembered that I went to a student council camp where the advisors played cheesy music like the Gl0ry of L0ve and we all shared our feelings and cried a lot. Minsoo and messy couldn't believe that we found this song inspiring. The songs were instrumental versions so I never knew that the lyrics (for example: "Tonight it's very clear, As we're both lying here, There's so many things I want to say, I will always love you, I would never leave you alone." Wow, makes me feel a little creepy about how "meaningful" I found the music to be when I was a teenager.

Anyway, I eventually remembered that the album was called Dav1d F0ster's Rech0rdings, and found it on on amaz0n. If you've never heard of DF, he's the guy in charge of such greats as Chicag0's "You're the Inspiati0n" and the all-time fav0rite war-time un1ty chorus, "Voices that care". Anyway, the Cd was an instrumental only version of these "greats," perfect for putting you in the mood to reflect and share. The camp counselors used to put on the instrumental cd when we sat in circles, psasing candles and talking about how much we were changed by the experience.

Tonight we reinacted my camp days and played the clips from amaz0n as we shared our deep thoughts on diarrhea and farting. It's amazing how inspiration bowel movements can seem when expressed over piano instrumentals of "Love, L00k what you've d0ne to me". I definitely became very emotional while listening to the clips and I have to admit, that tears came to my eyes. Oh wow, there are tears welling up right now.

can't think
I'm tired. Today I spent all day at work writing a paper. I felt like I was trapped in a paper-writing sweatshop (sidenote: sweatshops seem to be my thing right now). It's tiring to work at a job where I'm paid to think hard about innovative stuff and then I have to go home and think of more original stuff. I'm brain dead right now but I have a final project proposal due tomorrow and another due Wednesday. Here's a convo I just had with my school friend Mary:

W: I can't think of a project topic. Nothing original anyway. It's either going to be about economic development South Centra1 LA or ethnic economies in Asian and Latino immigrant communities.
M: What about those papers you read? Didn't they give you any ideas about possible planning GIS topics?
W: Eh, they talked about paying living wages, providing health insurance, advancing economic development policies. Eh.
M: Oh, the usual.
W: Yeah, just your run-of-the-mill urban planning issues.

It's sad that I've become unphased with what most would call "real" solutions to real problems. I guess when you're immersed in it, it just seems like the same old solutions.

I was sitting at work writing about a case study of the feas1bility of a mult1-public agency buying consortium & local industry stimulat0r for fuel cel1 technology in public transit (zzzz...i've lost you already) and as much as my organization is cool, I realized that I don't do very interesting work. I was at my cousin's wedding and when I told someone I was in urban planning school, the conversation screeched to a halt. It was sad. I was reading marian's blog about her vegas trip and reported on her club experiences and I felt very envious. Social change can get really really boring sometimes.

Think, think, think. Ugh. I need sleep.

more thoughts
Lisa's death really made me think about friendships and stuff. It's been hard this year to maintain any sort of social life and I really have not worked as hard to keep in touch with people. I'm hoping that there will be much grace with friends that I've been neglecting this year. One of my oldest and dearest friends called me today, which was weird because I was putting off calling her about Lisa. It was good to remember Lisa with someone else and I think we're both going to try and send her parents a card with some of our favorite memories of our friend. Anyway, as I was printing out wedding envelopes with minsoo in my apartment tonight, I was sort of bummed that my weekends and all of my spare time consists of wedding stuff instead of catching up with the long list of friends that have all hinted at getting together. It's definitely something I've done to myself, but it gets sort of isolating. That being said, it's less than three months until the "big" day and of course, I have a long way to go from being done with it all.

seriously sobering
My best friend from high school, whom i haven't talked to since her wedding last year left a "please call me back, it's urgent" message on my cell phone today. When I called her, she told me that our friend from high school, whom I've known since my truly dorky junior high school days, had passed away. The last time I saw her was at my best friend from high school's wedding. She had been battling cancer but was on her way to recovery. Anyway, it was shocking to hear about her. She was one of those friends whom I really treasured and wanted to get back in touch with, but never managed to. I remember that I wanted to get in touch with her so that I could invite her to my wedding, but i never did. It made me really sad. When I saw her at the wedding last year, the reunion felt bittersweet for me because I realized that years had gone by and she had been through so much.

Anyway, I have a memo due tomorrow but I just can't concentrate. I keep wanting to memorialize her in my head. I keep reflecting on our junior high dramas, our student council times, our group prom picture from junior year, our winter formal in senior year. Thanks for being true, Lisa Rothenberg. I will miss you.

stupid test
Per perfessor's recommendation, I took the "personality disorder test". I'm not going to post the results here, because I was rated "high" for many of the disorders. Wow. Am I that screwed up? Or maybe I just think I'm that screwed up and answered the questions in a certain way, which probably means I have at least one of those disorders. The funny thing is that I rated "low" for the "Antisocial" disorder, even though I thought I had a high tendency toward antisocial behavior.

I know it's just a test, but dude, the results were kind of disturbing.

I've got a memo due Friday that I have not started. Focus, focus.

siiiiigggghhhhh
I just got back from Hawaii. *SIGH* I loved the clear water, warm weather and the overall laid back vibe as well as some great food. Can I tell you how good the sashimi and green tea ice cream was? No, I cannot.

My cousin got married and had a HUGE banquet with over 400 people at the r0yal hawai1an hotel. It was cool to see family and hang out. I was very envious of my cousin as she is now married and no longer has to think about wedding stuff.

Another great thing about the weekend: My sister and I got some fat massages at the hotel spa. My AmEx bill is not going to be pretty next month, however the massage was heaven. I think I need to make money just so I can get regular massages.

In addition to eating, we also did some driving around the island, went to a couple of beaches, and did some walking around waik1ki. That place is such a tourist trap -- I began to resent being greeted in Japanese everytime I entered a store. I guess I looked more like those type of tourists than the big white women from the midwest (there were many). There were also a lot of honeymooners from all countries and Japanese couples getting their "American wedding" on. By this, I mean, the women had huge organza gowns and the men wore grey tuxes with tails. I saw at least 5 couples dressed almost identical in my hotel on Saturday. It was sort of intense. Apparently it's trendy to have the traditional ceremony in Japan and then head over to the states for a western wedding.

Anyway, I'm sad that I'm back. My little mini break was a chance for me to sort of forget about all of my responsibilities and just hang out. Now it's back to writing papers, doing work and wedding planning. I'm not ready! Take me back to the island. I need another round of sashimi and green tea ice cream.

Hawaii
I am in Honolulu for my cousin's wedding. I'm leaving tomorrow, but I just thought I'd write in and make all of you jealous. It's 10:45pm and I'm wearing shorts. It's warm and kinda breezy. I got a nice tan today. I ate at many buffets. I had the BEST GREEN TEA ICE CREAM IN THE WORLD. I also had some amazing sashimi. Two reasons to move here. I didn't do any homework. Slacking off is great.

Gotta go before my battery runs out...

going home tomorrow :(

it's a vicious cycle
I'm talking about the acne situation. I should probably shut up about it so that people don't stare at it the next time they see me, but I can't get over how icky this is. When all my friends were all acne'd out in junior high, I was zit-free. Now I'm like Ms. Zit. Grody.

So I buy products with chemicals to get rid of it. No such luck. Liars! Then I try the cover-up method of make-up, in part, because I want to practice my technique for the "big day". Unfortunately, everytime I cover up, my skin goes on strike and the red bumps aka my skin's picket signs go up. Ugh! What is this madness? It must be stress.

You know what I hate? When people say, "Don't be stressed! You stress too much about things like this." Um, yeah, like that helps. Stop saying that to stressed out people -- take it from one, it doesn't help, it just pisses them off. Okay, it just pisses me off. I prefer advice like this, sent to me in an e-mail by my future sis-in-law:

"Hope wedding planning is going well. Hope you are doing well. Don't get too stressed. Remember: eloping is always an option. As is heavy drinking."

You are right, my friend, those ARE options.

** sidenote: I just re-read my last post and realized that this post exemplifies the "bad" Christianness that I referred to. Ouch.

confessions from a self-titled "bad" Christian
Confession #1: I like hymns *gasp* better than "praise" songs (btw saying that we had "Praise" does not always means there was singing... pet peeve, but I digress). Am I old school? I'd like to think so.

One of my favorites is "It is well with my soul". I know that my parents & grandparents really like the song and we sang it all the time in my home church. Now there are tons of remakes, which I definitely enjoy as well. I really like the message of the song. It reminds me that my soul is often not peaceful and that it is the knowledge of God's faithfulness that should give me peace... "Whate're my lot, Thou has taught me to say, it is well, it is well, with my soul"

Anyway, I need some peace in my soul, as usual. Wearing these different hats gets tiring.

Confession #2: Today's speaker asked us to think about whether we view God a road or an end. Do we seek God's hands instead of seeking his face? Sometimes I view God as the carpool lane on the 4o5 during rush hour traffic when I'm driving alone in a hybr1d (hypothetically, of course). Sometimes, I view God as that extra pair of hands when I'm moving yet another time into another apartment with roommates I will inevitably come to dislike. You don't?? Dang it.

Confession #3: I am sometimes reluctant to talk about God stuff on my blog because sometimes I don't like reading people's blogs about God stuff because it always makes me feel like a bad Christian. Ha! Am I bad Christian? The I-forgot-it-was-good-Friday snafu last month probably earns me this title.

hope on a rope
It's been awhile since I wrote anything explicitly faith-related on this blogger *sigh*. Today's speaker at church talked about Jesus's talk on friendship and about our relationship to God and his "friendship" to us. It was really refreshing to hear a women speaker talk honestly about her struggles. I was touched by how honest and strong she was in speaking about her very recent medical issues and her relationship with God. Friendship is definitely a complicated topic for me in many ways, but I really appreciated the comparison of God's relationship to us as hope on a rope. She held onto one end of the rope and said that God's forgiveness is his grip on the rope that brings us back (or something like this). She also said that he ties a knot of mercy around our ankles so that even if we lose our way and go astray, we can always tug on it and know he's still there. Now, when I sing that song about being a friend of God (which I always thought was a little weird and sorta cheesy), I'm going to think more about what that really means.

the sun distracted me
I had two classes today. After my first class, I had a leisurely lunch outside with my Asian girl posse and then went to meet up with another girl to talk about a Saturday event I'm helping out (I know, i need to stop committing myself to stuff!). I had about 5 minutes to get to my 2pm class so I ran (just like high school!) to the 4th floor to find my class. I wasn't familiar with that floor of the public policy bldg so I wandered around a bit. I finally found the room, but when I looked in the window, I saw a class still going on inside. I stood out there for a minute, then I pulled out my folder to look at my schedule.

Crap. I thought my class class was at 2pm. When I checked my schedule it said the class actually started at 1pm. Oops. Awkward. Normally walking into classes late is not a big deal. But today was the first day (when the prof goes over important details about the course) and this class was not a class in my graduate department so the professor might not be very sympathetic. On top of this, the class was a really really small seminar that runs for 3 hours. I managed to slink into class as a girl was walking out, however everyone stared at me, including the professor, who was in full on lecture mode. I sat down next to a girl who whispered to me "THIS is a public policy class" with a tone of "You're probably in the wrong class missy". I whispered back "I know" and promptly found another seat closer to the back of the class, tripping over other people on my way back. Oops, my bad. After lecture, I went up to the professor and apologized. He seemed cool about it, though. I also told him I was an urban planning grad student which he seemed to like. Apparently there seems to be some kind of 1-2 student urban planning quota he likes to fill in each class. I was thinking about dropping this class, but it looks like I will stay in it since he now knows my face. Yay for me and urban planning.

urban planning nerdiness
I'm celebrating my last free evening before spring quarter begins. Minsoo is already heading toward finals and I'm just gearing up to kick ass on yet another quarter.

I spent a few days last week doing wedding stuff up north and managed to squeeze in a little "nerd time" with my urban planning buddies. We took a tour of Chinatown and met briefly with the tenderl0in neighborhood development center to get some info. The Chinatown tour was awesome -- instead of being filled with the usual stuff about where to get the best back scratcher and char siu baos, we got to see SRO low-income senior apartments, ghetto housing projects, the "new and improved" alleyways, hear about tenant rights protests and learn the story about those cool crosswalks and the four-way stops for pedestrians. It was Chinatown, planning style. We were giddy nerds walking through the streets of San Francisco after the tour. We also went down to the 'loin, where we walked by some guys who mumbled "You Chinese, Japanese, Korean (insert unintelligible slur here)". It's weird how segregated the city is, especially since it's so small. Anyway, I am once again blessed to be in an academic program with people who actually care about improving communities and enjoy the same nerdiness as me. I also appreciate the pseudo-family we have amongst the Asians. Nerds Unite!

It's really hard to plan a wedding and be the all-involved student. I am finding myself pretty frustrated with wanting to take advantage of the grad school opportunities while trying to take care of myself and plan the wedding. Ugh. There are definitely good days and bad days. It's sort of bad when the things that seemed like "work" is the wedding-related stuff and the "fun" is the school stuff.

daily transit report
It makes sense that I should update my comings and goings as the blog is titled "Wai-Ling in transit"....

Today:
Went to campus and turned in my final project --- yay, I'm done with winter quarter! I also picked up my yummy loan check. The guy at the counter gave me a funny look when he examined my drivers license. It felt great. Lately no one has questioned the disparity between my DL and my current "Look" which means that yes, indeed, I have morphed into my 16-year-old self.

Went to minsoo's place and watched 3 hours of Al1as. Vaughn's dad and evil orphanage woman and nadia -- whoa. Also, the guy who played Frank, his dad's friend, is an instructor in our department and someone I say hi to on a regular basis. Ha!

Was supposed to meet up with old crazy roommate(see 00-01)/high school friend and another high school friend who is in town for a physics conference (yes, PHYSICS) for a chill evening. However physics friend was staying downtown and wanted to go to theStandard... the upscale bar that is apparently so cool their sign is upside down. Ooooh. So I went home to pretty myself up, met up with old crazy roommate for dinner before heading to downtown. We waiting in line for like 15-20 minutes out in the cold until I decided that we couldn't "waste the pretty" (my new favorite line from my new favorite book) waiting in line behind some lame-ass republicans complaining about how homeless people should help themselves (I am freakin' not kidding, is it 2005?). So we headed back to the hotel bar (a hotel that was being picketed by labor a few months ago - ack!) and had a drink. I spent the next couple of hours nursing a huge glass of merlot and debating the validity of organized religion and had to somewhat defend it, even though it has been lame recently (i.e. the crappy republicans co-opting the religious right -- YES I SAID IT FOR MY REP. FRIENDS. It's true, you know it. Hannah, back me up here). It was very exhausting and at the same time very exhilarating to have a real conversation with real friends about real stuff.

Anyway, now I'm back. It's late. Sorry this is practically intelligible and very biased. Actually, I'm not sorry. If you are offended -- SUCK IT! It's my blog. Don't read it. There, I said it. Oooh that feels good.

only 25%???

You Are 25% Normal (Occasionally Normal)

You sure do march to your own beat... But you're so weird, people wonder if it's a beat at all You think on a totally different wavelength And it's often a chore to get people to understand you

How Normal Are You?

I am done with my GIS project!!

YES.

ain't nobody dope as me, i'm just so fresh so clean
know you think i'm so sexy, i'm just so fresh so clean

ain't nobody dope as me, i'm just so fresh so clean
i love when you stare at me i'm just so fresh so clean

i just did the running man.

the end of the quarter is near
and i'm doing the usual studying. Phew, I'm tired. I have (yet another) new roommate. So far, he's a great roommate. He's clean, studies hard and I've even caught him washing my dishes. Awesome. He's in the running for my best roommate ever. No joke. I know, I know, it's been less than a month, but I can usually tell if a roommate is going to work out within the first few weeks. So far, so good. I will report later on.

I can't wait for spring break. I'll be up in the bay area, doing the wedding thing and hopefully meeting up with my classmates for some Asian Am non-profit stuff. Ugh & Yeah! (Ugh for the wedding stuff, Yeah! for the Asian Am stuff)

he's just n0t that int0 y0u
This is the phrase that I've always wanted to say to my friends (and wished my friends said to me) when asked for advice about a guy. Apparently there's a book out based on that s.a.t.c. episode where carrie's bf blurts this nugget o wisdom out while the girls are trying to figure out why one of their dates never called back. This book looks awesome. I know, I know, I'm not single, but it looks like one of those tell-it-like-it-is books that you wish you had when you're hanging out with the girls. I haven't read it, but the bits and piece I've read through the reviews looks like it has some pretty good advice.

Take the first page, for example:
Ch 1: He's just not into you if he's not asking you out (wai-ling: "preach it brother!")
sub-heading: Because if he likes you, he will ask you out

Excerpt: "I hate to tell you, but that whole 'I don't want to ruin the friendship' excuse is a racket...And please don't tell me he's just 'scared'. The only thing he's scared of --and I say this with a lot of love -- is how not attracted to you he is."

Oh dude, such truth. I may just pick it up so I can have sermon up in here!

bleeding dude at starbucks.
Tonight, I spent an exciting evening at a random starbucks in LA with the Chious. Toward the end of the night, a guy walks up to Eric and asks to borrow his phone. I was busy working on my computer at another table so I wasn't really paying attention. I looked up as Eric was dialing the numbers and I thought, hm, that's funny, he should just let the guy dial himself. Then I looked at the guy and did a double take --- the guy was bleeding pretty profusely. It looked like he had some kind of neck injury. Shirley handed him some napkins to wipe up the blood as the dude talked on the phone. Everyone sitting at the tables near us is staring at the guy. Bleeding dude spent a few minutes on Eric's phone, drops of blood falling on the ground near our tables, then leaves. Creepy. I kept trying not stare at him, but I couldn't help but look at this guy bleeding a few feet away from us. All the possible scenarios raced through my head. Was he in a fight? Was it a gang fight? Was he being attacked or the attacker? Was he by himself when he was attacked? Is someone still after him? Is his injury gun-inflicted?

Anyway, the weird scene of the dude bleeding at starbucks creeped me out. I drove away and got kinda distracted. I ended up taking the long way home and decided to drive through Beverly Hills and the nicer part of town, trying to shake off the weirdness of seeing the bleeding dude. I definitely could never be a doctor (although even Eric was weirded out by the situation). I am weak sauce.

yummy
i had my two favorite ice cream flavors today -- pumpkin and green tea! not at the same time. they were serving up pumpkin at the campus coffeehouse and i had some green tea gelato at home after my long day. my stomach isn't feeling too hot, but it's a risk worth taking.

[commercial break: oohhh today is international women's day. celebrate being a woman or any women in your life! keep working for justice, equality and peace my sisters! for all you loser men out there, go out and get a good one. stop sitting on your ass. you know who you are.]

fresh and meaty
...describes my weekend. It's also the name of a burger joint in south central that I went to today with my co-workers. The name makes me giggle.

I ate a lot of meat this weekend. From my two trips to all-you-can-eat korean bbq to the fat burger i ate today, i'm feeling a little bit anti-meat. It's weird when you burb and you still kinda taste the meal you ate a few nights ago. Nas-tay.

They finally paved the road outside my apt. It was gravely and filled with potholes for weeks because they tried to pave it a month ago and only got as far as tearing up the street before the floods came. There's a smooth layer of fresh pavement. Mmmm, fresh tar.

My acne is letting up. Maybe it's because yesterday was my half birthday. Yes, I'm now 26 and a half.

*two seconds after i posted this, i looked in the mirror and saw a large red mark on my forehead. gggrrrr!!*

too much coffee...
... but some really good times. Unha/Couscous/Kristina is in town so we went for some yummy korean bbq. Yes, if you just read my last post, you'll see that I went out for all-you-can-eat-makes-your-clothes-stinky korean bbq with Dave earlier this week. I think I will stop eating meat for a little while. Anyway, afterward, we went back to the Chious for some coffee. Now it's almost 2am and I'm totally awake. Good times with good friends. Note to self: no coffee after dinner.

AAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH. It's about 4.5 months until the wedding. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? I'm freaking out. There's so much to do. It's driving me crazy. I'll fill you in on a little secret. I've created a new blog to cover my wedding stuff, since it must be soooo boring to read about it all the time. badasskungfubride.blogspot.com. Beware, it's dedicated to my wedding rants, enter at your own risk. You've been warned.

it's 12:05 and i'm tired. but here's an update:
- midterms and project suck! one more to go tomorrow.
- still have 16-year-old acne. ew.
- faf... sucks! the financial aid form was due today! so i did it in the morning at work and kinda guessed on the numbers. you don't really have to do it exact because you can always adjust it. after doing the form, though, i realized that my taxes are going to be a beast and a half. grrr.
- speaking of boring math... davidhan, human calculator and third member of my posse is here --- YAY! the old crew is back -- me, minsoo and dave -- and also messy! yay for us!
- went out with school friends on tuesday night for my friend mary's b-day. it ended up being an all asian posse, but it was cool. they got to meet my angryasianfiance. i think one of them was pretty "star" struck. haha!
- my new roommate has moved in. he's cool. hopefully not psychotic. he's very clean and not gross like my other boy roommates. I broke my vow never to room with males until I'm married. This guy was the only candidate that I knew and since I could probably kick his ass in a brawl, I thought, eh, let's try it again.
- went to look at suits/tuxes at a shop this weekend. sales girl was so unhelpful. decided not to go with the matching cumberbund/vest/tie/hankerchief in fuchia/red/stripes/sparkles/you get the picture. KISS - keep it simple stupid.
- was able to introduce my classmate to BubbRub -- whistles go woo woo!! it's only in the morning.
- ligers story still makes me laugh. i just think about it and it makes me laugh.
- i'm sooooo full. spent time with three of my favorite korean items: bbq, beer and minsoo. ew, that was cheesy. sorry. ooooohhh and i had green tea ice cream. is this heaven?
- blllllllarrrrrrrggggggggg. that was the sound my stomach is going to make tomorrow morning when it realizes what i've done.

Ligers in Simi Valley???
... Or at least that was one of the possibilities, according to a guy from the park service. I heard the story on npr (go to their website and search for simi valley) and busted out laughing in the car on my way to school. Hi-laarrrrious. Apparently ligers are real. Who knew?

I just spent 12 disgusting hours in the computer lab at school. I had a GIS project due so I missed my classed and hid in the lab with my classmates, frantically trying to get it done. I thought I was almost done last night, however I showed the TA my project and he said I needed to add another map. I would have broken down had it not been for the fact that I was surrounded by my Asian gang, I mean, posse. They were working feverishly so I didn't feel alone. One of the girls was still working on her project while people were presenting their projects. It was crazy. Anyway, I'm done with my two main midterms. I have one more project due next week... and then finals. Wow, this quarter has flown by.

Also, maybe it's stress, but I am battling a never-ending case of 16-year-old acne. People think look young now, not because I'm short or dress like a kid, but because of the revival of adolescent hormones. It's gross >:( I just want normal 26-year-old skin!!

i don't want to be a hater, but...
There's this guy in my class who kinda creeps me out. I've noticed that he is very good friends with the Asian females in our class. He is white. I don't think I've seen him with anyone else except for the Asian women. He sat next to me in class tonight for the second time in a row. There's always another Asian woman sitting on the other side of him, so I just assume that he's sitting here because he's friends with the other girl. He's very friendly toward me and I feel weird for feeling weird about him, but it's weird, right? I think I'm like the only Asian girl who hasn't befriended him. I think I'm avoiding building a relationship with him based on principle, because the guy is really nice. Wow, I'm a horrible, horrible person.

...I am a hater.

rooster, you suck
It is the year of the rooster, an apparently "bad" year to get married.

Because of this, I am refusing to celebrate Chinese new year. I think I already failed to do the many traditions attached to the new year so I guess if the bad luck comes, it comes.

It sort of annoys me, though. Like I don't have enough to worry about without people telling me that this is a bad year to get married. I don't mean to make this a big deal, but I'm in no mood to hear this. I've already expressed my desire to elope several times this month.

Wedding planning is sometimes fun. But most of the time, I think it's sort of like being in expectation hell.

reconnecting with the outside world
I think I've been writing some pretty self-absorbed posts lately. My whining gets old, so I guess I should move on to more interesting topics.

I've been interning at a community organizing group in South (Central) LA. I know, I know, I'm working in the "ghetto". It's actually kinda safe because there is nothing going on there. No real retail, no real jobs, nothing. Anyway, I attended a community leaders meeting a few weeks ago and got to meet the people who live in the area and other economically challenged areas in LA. I'm normally stuck in the office doing research so it was great to meet the people who go out and make the change happen. I had a great time. One of the members was this old man named Juan, whom I paired up with during our ice breaker activity. He didn't speak much English and I understood very little Spanish. It didn't matter, because he still talked my ear off about how long he'd been involved with the organization and other details that were completely lost on me. At the end of our introductions, he grabs both of my hands and starts shaking them and smiling at me. This small gesture made me feel really welcome. It was weird because I felt like I stood out so much among this group of leaders. My ethnicity, my age (it was mostly older people), being a new intern and even my class status made me feel different. Despite my obvious differences, everyone was so friendly and welcoming. One older Spanish-speaking woman asked what I was and when I told her I was Chinese, she hugged me and began rattling off some story relating to this fact. It was great to be at this meeting, even though at the time I was totally sick. I was reminded of why I am interesting in doing the work I do... the people. One of the downsides about being in school again is that I feel sort of out of touch with the outside world. This meeting helped me reconnect.

my computer is back. i hope it doesn't break again.
i'm getting better, which is good.
i have a lot of work.
my internship is going well.
that is all.

sooooo.....
sick. I caught a gross cold from a wedding-planning-related stress-out session, a classmate who kept coughing my way and the coldest computer lab known to man (aka my school's lab). Ugh.

computer update. The old one is back but i'm too sick to go down to RB to get it. ugh.

rant about stupid computer and BB
I am writing on a "borrowed" laptop from BestBuy. My little S0ny is once again in the shop. This is frustrating not only because one of my classes is 100% computer-based and I haven't had my computer for more than like 5 days this month, but also because I've been getting the run around from the beginning... Not only did the store not fix the computer the first time I sent it in (the weekend before Finals), but the second time they had it, they took it for 3 weeks and failed to notify me that it was completed by the second week. I waited an extra week for my computer until I finally called the 1-800 number. A few days after I got it back, the computer wouldn't start. I brought it back and they started it and said I had viruses. I went home, reinstalled the anti-virus and it didn't do a whole lot. This is when I noticed that 1. My keyboard was warped and curved up by the delete key, 2. my touchpad clicked the mouse everytime i pressed the space bar or typed any keys near the bottom, and 3. my power adapter was dying. I was up in LA so I went to another BB to get a power adapted and was told that I had to call the 1-800 number. Okay. I called the number this morning and they told me that I needed to go into the store. Hm. So I went to another BB and they said they had to put in a work order and THEN I could call the number. Unfortunately they couldn't put in an order because my old order (you know, when my computer was in the shop for 3 weeks) was still "active". Instead, I would have to go down to the store by my parents' house and get them to close it because they don't do it over the phone. So I drive down to my parents' house, pick up my mom so she can give me some moral support, then go to BB 30 minutes before it closes to demand they give me a new computer. Of course they don't, because they won't replace until the 4th time you bring it into be serviced. The guy says that I can "buy" an open box laptop and then return it for a full refund when the computer is fixed. Uh, okay. So this is what I did. Yes, if you had the patience to read all of this crap, you must be as frustrated as I am right now. GRRRRRRRRRR!!! I'm just glad that I did some of my classwork this weekend instead of waiting until the week. I guess I know by now that worse case scenarios can happen.

Anyway, at least I have a computer. Minsoo says to look on the bright side: At least I'm one more service order closer to getting a replacement.

some good stuff and some things to think about
Today was my 11-hours-at-school day. I came home AFTER scrubs was already finish (boo!) and watched some bad tv with my roommate. However, I happened to catch the Da1ly show and guess who was on... Jim Wallis, editor of Sojourners -- my FAVORITE magazine. I couldn't believe my eyes. Wallis has a new book out and I guess he was doing his plug on the DS, which is awesome since I love the DS and Jon Stewart (another so-dorky-but-so-smart-and-therefore-so-cute tv personality). They totally had some good chemistry, too. I wanted to cheer everytime Wallis answered a question. Sometimes I feel like he says almost exactly what I'm thinking about in terms of faith and politics. Anyway, after a long day, it was nice to end it with the J0n Stewart and Jim Wallis, two of my favorite smart men.

Lately, the whole tsunami aid thing has been bothering me. There just wasn't something right about the whole aid situation. I mean, yes, it's a tragedy and there are countless lives lost. It's a horrible disaster and I'm glad people are helping out financially and the stars are showing up to sing a few songs on a telethon. Still, I couldn't articulate my discomfort. However, here's an article about the disparity between the US aid provided to tsunami victims in Asia and the lack of aid provided to African countries (like Sudan) who have or are currently experiencing genocide. This is what I've been trying to say... We need to help out those in need, but how come we don't do it all the time? Why are some disasters more worthy of attention than others? Do we need catastrophic natural disasters to bring us to the point of caring about human suffering? Why do we not stand united when entire races of people are being murdered by other people? I am not saying the tsunami is not worthy of the aid it's been given, but what about the other atrocities happening around the globe? Are those dying children less worthy?

http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/commentary/la-oe-george16jan16,1,1100605.story?coll=la-news-comment-opinions&ctrack=1&cset=true

yay for the sun
The weather was beautiful this weekend! Unfortunately, I spent the weekend trying to figure out a huge computer assignment I had due tomorrow. I know, it's week two and already I have tons of work. Anyway, I spent 10 hours stuck inside doing the dumb computer assignment (no, my computer isn't fixed yet, I'm borrowing my parents') today instead of enjoying the weather outside. My only consolation was the warm breeze wafting into my apartment from our sliding glass door. I don't think I've opened that door since September. Anyway, it's January and it's warm enough to wear flip flops. Once again, gotta love So Cal.

boo computer!
I'm going on my second week minus my laptop and it's killing me. One of my classes is a computer-based class and so I'm basically screwed as I haven't completed the 7 chapters of work I have due Tuesday. On top of this, I just broke my backup CD that I created the first time my computer died. This is totally my fault, though. Minsoo complains constantly about the way I treat CDs. This is notable because 1. I am usually pretty good about taking care of my things, almost anal, and 2. Minsoo NEVER ever complains about my habits. I know that I'm careless, but I've never broken a CD... until just now when I broke the most valuable CD I have. Ugh. Let's just hope that my computer gets fixed without wiping out the hard drive.

Anyway, boo for computer woes! Gah!

long day
On Tuesdays I have 8.5 hours of class and am on campus for almost 11 hours. It's ridiculous. On top of the crazy long day, my last class doesn't end until 9pm -- when Scrubs is on tv! It takes me about 20 minutes to get home and I don't have a VCR! What to do... what to do...

I have to take a really useless professional development seminar as part of my internship. I think it might be helpful for those recent grads trying to negotiate the "working world", but for those of us with more experience, it's kinda insulting. Anyway, at the beginning of class one of my classmates asked me where I was interning. When I told him, he says to me: "Bastard! I KNEW you would get [insert name of organization]. Oh man! I mean, congratulations... that's cool." Another classmate was listening and was like, "Oh, YOU got it?" I laughed and was sort of affirmed but felt sort of weird about it. I feel good that I got one of the "coveted" internships, but it's sorta weird to get such strong responses. I also feel like I need to do really well in the internship so that I can live up to the hype. It was weird to be called a bastard, but in a good way.

Vegetable of evil
Minsoo, messy, the Chious and I went to eat dinner at a Thai place that boasts a "Thai Elvis". I'm not kidding. Anyway, I was looking forward to some good food and weird karaoke-like singing because it would make for a interesting blog entry. However, this experienced was usurped by what I will now refer to as the "vegetable of evil." Two bites into my meal, I bit into the MOST FEROCIOUS PEPPER I have ever tasted in my life. I was drinking some yummy sour and spicy soup when I mistook the "vegetable of evil" as a harmless green bean. The soup was a little bit spicy and oddly sour so I ate the "vegetable of evil" assuming it would dull the flavor a bit. Oh my goodness. I couldn't figure out why the soup became so spicy as I crunched into the bean. I almost swallowed the bean, but then realized something was terribly wrong. When I finally spit it out, I saw the little seeds and put two and two together. I am probably the most weak sauce when it comes to spicy food so it was really painful.

I hope that I either swallowed the rest of the spicy remnants or spit it out. My throat feels sort of sore and my tongue does not feel so hot either. Why do hot chili peppers look like green beans? Why? Why? Anyway, singing Thai Elvis became sort of background noise to the taste of burning in my mouth. So sad.

tooth
I went back to the dentist to get a filling and ended up getting a crown instead! Ugh. Not only is a crown totally expensive, but it's a major procedure. My teeth feel funny right now. This is not a good thing.

grrrr
I am writing from my parents' computer. My other computer died -- AGAIN!! I am so mad. Once again, it's perfect timing. Classes start tomorrow.