newbie

It's been a month since I started my new gig and I'm still the new kid on the block. My new workplace is larger than my old one so there are a lot more cliques. It almost feels like high school again.

Cue the adult acne! Maybe it's just stress but it seems particularly fitting that I'm experiencing the feelings of being the new kid in school while looking like I'm the new kid in school. It's like the first day of 9th grade all over again.

Exacerbating this new-kid-on-the-block feeling is the fact that most people I've been meeting through work ask me if I'm an intern/just finished school/going to school soon. I dress nicer to work than I did at my last job and I now even work with almost all Asians, but they STILL can't figure out how old I am. I'm assuming this will work in my favor in 20 years, but it's still kind of frustrating.

In fact as I was writing this, Minsoo came over and pointed out my chin zit. *sigh*

my man's man crush list

(over instant msgr)
Minsoo: David Beckham is coming to my office today.
Wai-Ling: what the what?
M: the Becks will be here. he will give a brief hello to everyone in attendance, then he'll field some questions.
W: dannnnggggg
M: I will be sure to take photooooos.
W: yes pleeeassssseeee. david beckham is a good looking man.
M: little by little, I will cross off all the names on my man-crush list. I've already met the D-Hen and 0bama. Becks is next. I've met Brad P1tt's missus, so that's close enough.
We will meet someday, Cl00ney.
W: ha ha haaaaaaa

a cathartic entry about finally leaving my job

After 5 years, I've finally done it. I've worked up the confidence to leave the most unhealthy relationship I've ever had -- the one I have with my current job.

Why is it unhealthy? (Quote are based on actual thoughts I've had about my job/things I've actually said)
I have no work/life boundaries: Coworkers email me at odd hours because they don't bother working until 1am. And after working a full day, I still come home and answer their emails at all hours. I have also found it normal to get text messages at 11pm asking if I'm still awake so they can talk to me for another few hours. I do not manage large sums of money or heal sick people so there really should be no reason for me to jump when they call.

My self-confidence has been shattered: I come home from work filled with stories about how my coworkers belittled my work. And then I get onto my computer and do more work that will be belittled the next day. But of course, if I said anything about feeling belittled, they would belittle me and tell me that I'm just being silly.

I still seek approval, even though I never get any: I hate that my coworkers sometimes look down on me, but I want their approval so that I can be considered as "down" as they are. "Yes, I'm leaving for another job, but that job is as cool as this job... What, you don't think so? Wait, wait, lemme prove it to you!"

I'm in denial & make excuses for them: I've thought about quitting so many times, but then I think to myself, "But, they need me! If I don't stay, then who will x,y & z? " and "They're only mean because they care so much about the work!"

I have become co-dependent: "If I stay, I can make it better!"

While I love, believe in and respect the work (in theory) and will never publicly diss them, working there has taken a toll on my mental health. When I step back, I am proud of my accomplishments and the ability to have learned and accomplished work in such an unhealthy atmosphere. My org is well respected and I am honored to be a part of its work.

Having said all of that, I'm getting the hell out of there, bruised and battered, but stronger and a little bit crazier for having endured all of that.

need to get outta this place

i have a job interview in a few hours.

i would appreciate prayers, good thoughts and fingers crossed.

but first, going to watch 1ady gaga's performance on the today show.

tattoo rule #1, according to wai-ling

Minsoo (via IM): [sends me a link to j0n g0sse1in's new crazy-ugly dragon tattoo]

Wai-Ling: YUCK.

M: did read the line about "several korean translators"? guess who one of them wassssss

W: what? YOU???

M: indeed.

W:HA HA HAAAAAAAA. oh snap!

M: they used my expertise.

W: why would you EVER tattoo the name of your 23-yr old gf on your back? NEXT.TO.YOUR.CHILDREN. is that meant to be a list of his girlfriends?
that other scroll are the names of his skanks.

M: there's a lot of room left

W:so he's the dragon who holds a scroll of his kids and a scroll of his skanks.

M: left side, my kids. right side, my skanks.

W: totally.

M: it was written.

W: that's f'd up. get a NEW tattoo for your skanks. separate your kids from your skanks, is what my tattoo rule is. if i had one.

M: hahaqhaah

sibling rivalry

I dislike the 1akers. But not for the reasons you might think.

I'm born and raised in the LA area so I really should like the hometown team. I'm not a huge basketball fan, so there's really no reason to hate the 1akers like I do. In fact, if anything, I should be totally indifferent, at best.

But I kinda hate them. And it has to do with one person in particular: My Mother.

My mom is a huge fan of the 1akers. Growing up, I really didn't know this. But when I, and then later, my sister, left for college, my mom was left with an empty nest and a lot of free time.

As a poor substitute for taking care of her lovely children, my mom started watching 1akers games religiously. Which was fine - at first.

But whenever I'd visit home, I'd notice that not only was she watching the games, but our home started to change. At the beginning, there were small changes -- a 1akers schedule on the fridge, for example.

Then I saw the car flags. And the bobbleheads.

And then it got bad. My mom stopped taking my phone calls. Okay, okay, so it was only during the games, but still. Here's how a typical conversation went:

Me: Hi mom! Wow, I had a bad day at work today. It was crazy! My boss...
Mom: Uh-huh yeah.
Me: Mom? Are you listening?
Mom: I'll call you back. *click*

And that's when she bothered to answer the phone.

I won't even get started on how much she knows about the players and the team, like she's their team mom. I feel like the 1akers have replaced us as her favorite. I feel like a jealous sibling, except that sibling is an entire basketball team.

So I write this today, on game 4 of the series with the Ce1tics to say one thing:

Goooo Boston!*

*Okay, so I'm not rooting for Boston because according to Minsoo, this will break my mom's heart. I just will not root at all.

days since crying over work: 0

My memorial day weekend has officially ended with me, laying head on the table, in front of the computer, just off the phone arguing with a co-worker, sobbing, while minsoo pats me on the back trying to figure out what to say/do. It's Monday night of Memorial Day -- allegedly a day off of work.

All of the weekend rest that I got is officially out the window and I'm a stressed out mess. I should have just worked this weekend so I wouldn't have wasted time sleeping, eating, drinking and enjoying myself.

On the upside, I applied for a new job on Friday. Crossing my fingers and praying like crazy. If you do either, please feel free to join in too.

Tuesday is the new Monday. Too bad Mondays are the worst.

no fly girls

(over txt message)
w: i'm watching fly girls (the tv show) and they are at bodega (our favorite wine bar)
m: dood! i am having beer at a cool bar in dtown champaign (IL). No fly girls
w: there better not be any fly girls.

reason #754357899 NOT to move to texas

This is going too far. Texas social studies textbooks are being altered to fit the social conservative agenda. I thought social studies book were already conservative! Now, it looks like they're not even going to be factual.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/13/education/13texas.html

"Mr. Bradley won approval for an amendment saying students should study “the unintended consequences” of the Great Society legislation, affirmative action and Title IX legislation. He also won approval for an amendment stressing that Germans and Italians as well as Japanese were interned in the United States during World War II, to counter the idea that the internment of Japanese was motivated by racism."

I'm sorry but does this mean there could be generations of kids from Texas who have NO idea how racist the internment was? After going on the Pilgrimage to Manzanar, I can never ever believe that this wasn't one of most unjust, decidedly racist actions of the U.S. government in recent history. Let's not even talk about how they consistently voted to NOT include more notable Hispanic figures.


“The social conservatives have perverted accurate history to fulfill their own agenda.” Indeed.

This just confirmed that there is no way I would ever live in Texas, especially if I had children. Or else I would home school them or ship them back to either set of grandparents in CA.

tweet!

Recently I've started microblogging. I've been on tw1tter for awhile now but I used it mostly as a blog/news reader. I decided to jump in and see what I can say in 140 characters. So far, I've realized I'm pretty boring in 140 characters. I don't have very many readers and most of them are minsoo's readers too, so retweeting is kind of useless. I've been following some comedians as inspiration, but so far my tweets have been uninspired.

We'll see how it goes. In the meantime, I'm not giving up this blog.

just another day in email

Lately -- okay, for like the past 2 years -- I've kinda hated my job. It's only gotten worse, despite the fact that I keep getting promoted. Lately, work has been almost unbearable. Anyway, today was a typically crappy day, made worse because I got in an email tussle with my exec director because she's consistently being disrespectful to us.

But today was not all bad. I also got a really nice email from the professor of the UC_Dav1s class I was at on Friday to do a day-long workshop:

The workshop was great! Wai-Ling, you were really outstanding. I had several students make a point of telling me how impressed they were at your facilitation skills--gentle yet firm where needed. Insightful, keeping us on task and moving forward. Really good, and you've helped us move major steps forward in our work. Thank you!

These moments of being really appreciate at work are few and far between. Most of the time, I feel unnoticed, unappreciated and overworked. Getting an email like this makes me want to cry, which is kinda sad.

20-15 baby

So I did it. And, as you can tell by the fact that I'm writing this blog post, I survived with my eyesight intact.

Thought it's only day one, I'd have to say that using lasers to open up your eyes and then reshaping them using other lasers is freaking RAD. And scary as hell. The first thing they ask you as they're leading you into pre-op is if you would like something to "relax" you. YES, I answered, emphatically.

Ten minutes after that little pill dissolved, you could have told me that they were foregoing lasers and using knives and I would giggled and then gone along with it. The procedure was about 10 minutes, with the most painful part being when they ripped off the protective plastic covering around my eyes.

One of the best parts was that Minsoo got to witness the entire process. I think he was a little bit traumatized by seeing the top surface of my eyeball open while the lasers fixed my vision.

Anyway, so far, it's freaking awesome. Now, I gotta go invest in some good eye cream.

Oh yeah and today I went back today for a quick check up and I have almost 20-15 vision. YEAH!

after 22 years, saying goodbye

Today I'm getting LASIK eye surgery. I haven't told that many people (some co-workers, family, a few friends). I decided to do it over break so things have gone sort of quickly. I hope I told you, but if I didn't, now you know :)

I'm super duper duper nervous. I hope it all goes well, but I can't help but think of all of the worse-case scenarios. They give you valium, so I hope it does its trick.

The doctor doing my surgery is well known (has done eye surgeries for extrememake0ver) so I'm assuming he's a pro.

I can't believe I'm doing this. I've thought about it for years - YEARS! But I've never gotten up the nerve (or had the $$) to do it. I guess it's about time, but man, I'm super scared. What am I doing?

I'll keep you posted. The next post will hopefully be glasses-free!

Wish me luck. Better yet, send up a quick prayer for me. Thanks friends.

korean class is awesome

Today was my first day of the second quarter of Korean class at the cultural center and while 90% of the first class was useless (filled with a weird video of k-pop groups singing and dancing and one of the korean teachers trying to field weird korea tourist-type questions), I enjoyed the time I spend with friends from church and learning a few new things.

One of the highlights of my class was spotting singer/songwriter Pr1sci11aAhn in my class! Now we can hang out as hanguk mal haksengs... or better yet, chingoos!

Korean class is one of the few times during the week when I get to do something that has nothing to do with the stress of real life. It's also super rewarding when I can use it with my in-laws or with the restaurant ajummahs when I need to find the bathroom!

I'm going to try and be better at using this blogging things. Facebook has made me lazy.

i wasn't dreaming. or was i?

So, I go to Hawaii fairly often because my family lives there (aunt/uncle/cousins & their kids) and because of minsoo's connection with the people who do the film festival out there. I was there last week and it was awesome. The weather, seeing family, seeing some good films, great scenery and food were all par for the course. However, the end of my trip took a weird turn that could be (but won't be in this post) summed up in 1 word: L0ST.

And by L0st, I mean the the TV show. Let me recap the last 40 or so hours of our trip:

So on Friday night at sunset, Minsoo and I went to this waikiki outdoor bar on the beach over looking the ocean to meet Dan1e1 Dae K1m (aka actor who plays Jin on L0st) for drinks and appetizers (because DDK is a fan of Minsoo's site and they've developed a rapport). Amazing service, a few girls even bought us a round of drinks because they were fans. Of DDK, not us. People at the tables next to us were staring and whispering around us, it was weird. Good conversation, I kept my cool the whole time. Later on that night we went to another bar where the actors who play Miles, Keamy, Nadia and Omar were there. DDK showed up later. The next day, we went to a field where we watched cast (R1chard A1pert, Mi1es, Hur1ey, Kate) and crew of Lost playing a kickball tournament where everyone was dressed in team shirts, doing team cheers, and playing with a gigantic rubber ball. And yes, the guy who plays R.A. really does look like he has eyeliner on in real life (also seems like a nice guy from the 2 seconds we interacted with him).

It sounds like some weird crazy dream sequence, right? No, the above paragraph is an account of a few of the events that happened during the last few days of my hawaiian vacation. Crazy.

status update

A few days ago, I briefly considered phasing this blog out, but reconsidered after a few recent events. This is the only safe place I have on the web now that I've been pressured into being "friends" with too many non-friends on FB.

I now have the following as "friends" or pending friend requests:

- Old roommate(s), including one old roommate who I lived with for 2 months in a ghe-ettooo apartment in San Leandro. The dude was a hardcore republican from Texas. Definitely not a friend.
- prom queen from high school who I've known since kindergarten. Only reason why she remembers me is because I was the only Asian in our grade and my mom was her teacher. I don't know why she'd want to be my friend.
- popular girl from high school who never once spoke to me. Didn't even know she knew my name. So popular and pretty her name is one of the days of the week. I think white girl hangs out with a lot of Asians now, so I think that is why she added me.
- Sister's ex-boyfriend (the one I hated the least, prob b/c he is Chinese). I think she broke his heart so I betcha he wants to stalk her via my profile.
- babies who have the same names as my friends. Seriously, please also include your face in the photo or else I'm going to think you've all come down with the disorder that BradP1tt had in BenjaminButton.
- an old professor who was one of the worst teachers I've ever had but is one of the nicest people I've ever met.
- Random old hs/college/undergrad classmates that take too many quizzes that fill up my homepage. I don't care that you scored 12% on how well you know your friend.
- the rest of you, my actual friends (a small percentage of my friends).

I'm sure your list look like this too, but for me, this list makes me want to throw up in my mouth a little bit and hyperventilate everytime I see a little notification pop up saying "friend request".

And yet I add them. Every single one. Whenever the request pops up, I hit "confirm" even though I know it's a lie. You're no friend of mine, I say under my breath.

So one might think that having all of these non-friends would dissuade me from posting things about my life. Yes, this is mostly true. I refuse to edit my profile to add meaningless details about the movies I like and the books I've read. I don't post pics of myself and I often untag photos of me. I've never added a friend and my husband and I are still not friends on facebook because I refuse to add him and he refuses to add me because I refused him and so on...

Yet, I can't stop updating my status. Telling people details about my life. Sharing what I did on vacation, what I think about a movie or tv show, what I think about life. I think need a facebook status update intervention.

taking our marriage to another level

[from an im conversation between me and my spouse]

wai-ling: i broke my rule about status updates
nothing mundane
"i am eating cereal right now"

minsoo: so what do you usully put?

wl:i almost died. i'm going to such and such place
i think we might need to become friends soon.

m: that will be awkward.

wl: why? too many messages from all your women?

m: facebook friends... with my wife???

wl: i know. it seems wrong.

m: how strange and new.

wl: it's like we'd be opening ourselves up to each other in a whole new way
takin' our relationship to a new level
revealing our "true" selves

m: I'm ready to go there with you. Facebook Friends.

wl: i don't know...

m: too soon?
sorry... am I going too fast?

wl: we've only known each other for 13 years.

m: no pressure.

wl: we've only been together for like 8.5
then again, most of the people on my facebook profile aren't even my friends.

m: we need to create our own private facebook

wl: what's the point?

m:to make each other laugh
and keep each other informed of other whereabouts.

wl: but then we have to manage yet another online profile
it's already too much managing multiple email addresses, social networking tools.

m: yes.

wl: frankly, i'm a little bit burnt out

m: I will tag you in my photos.

wl: it'll be like we actually go out in public together

i'll comment on your profile

i'll post embarrasing photos of you circa 1997

"Bo go shee poh!"

So I'm on my 5th Kdrama series and I've noticed that all of the dramas have some interesting similarities. I'm not talking about the girl-meets-bad-boy-falls-in-love-triangle!-girl-and-boy-get-together storyline -- most dramas in all countries follow this model. I'm talking about things that seem to be particular only to Koreans. For example:

Diarrhea, farting or the urge to take a crap at a very inconvenient time: In every drama there has been at least one scene that involves having to go to the bathroom or passing gas. Most of the time, these scenes involve the two main leads. Romantic... and usually HILARIOUS.

Piggyback rides: Most of the time, heavy drinking and passing out precedes the carrying of another person (the rider typically being the heavier of the two). Sometimes piggyback rides are given after one of the characters falls down and/or passes out during a fight. I can only presume that Korean women are not only very pretty, skinny and pale, but also take steroids.

DOO DOO Fashion: Strange colors/fabrics/patterns worn by men ONLY. 'Nuff said.

Going or returning from a trip to America/Europe/A White Country: This seems to be a rite of passage for young rich Koreans who have really cool creative jobs (patissier, music supervisor, toy designer, artist, etc.) and a good way to a. Begin a drama or b. End a drama. I guess moving to Jeonju just doesn't create the same amount of dramatic tension.

Someone small (typically a girl) being able to eat a large amount of food: This is used, of course, to show viewers that the girl is not the refined specimen that most males (except for the lead) fall in love with. And because she is small and can eat a lot, the guys want to feed her. A couple of meals later... love!

Shoes as gifts: Thanks to kdramas, I now know that giving shoes to your lover will drive them away. But I still can't figure out why every drama involves the gift shoes. Do Koreans like being abandoned by their lovers? Or maybe they're just a bunch of love risk takers? Shoes ruin love!

Alright, back to my "research"...

just another day in LA?

I went to the premiere of Fast&Fur1ous last week with Minsoo, who makes a *very* brief appearance (read: his photo is in one of the shots for 1.5 seconds). We also know the director who's done a bunch of indie Asian Am films.

The premiere was at the G1bs0n Amphitheater, which is attached to Un1versa1 C1ty Walk. To get to the theater, you have to walk through city walk. And to walk through city walk, you have to walk on the red carpet. Yes, *THE* red carpet.

I envisioned that the red carpet would be a little 10-footer at the entrance that was just for the VIPs to stand and be photographed. I got a little bit dressed up (read: I wore hip jeans, that top from f0rever21 and heels) just in case I stepped into the background of a photo on my way in.

So I was stunned when the red carpet turned out to be HUGE. It stretched practically from where we exited the parking garage through the main part of city walk. And lined up next to the red carpet were not just photogs snapping the stars -- a hundred people (or so it felt) were lined up against the barriers, waiting for the stars to arrive. There we were, nobodies, walking the red carpet... All eyes on us... For no good reason other than we were going to watch a movie. I felt so uncomfortable and very self conscious.

There was an elderly couple in front of us walking like turtles so it must have taken us 10 minutes to finally get to the end of the carpet. I wanted to cut in front of them, but I also felt the need to walk slowly and gracefully just to show the gawkers that red carpets are no big deal for a big deal like me (ha!). I also didn't want to stare at them staring at me.

Later on that evening, I'd learn that I was sitting two seats away from a famous female supermodel who'd previously dated Ange1inaj01ie. I'd also see Ba1L1ng and that Asian dude from 21jumpstreet. Oh yeah, and I'd also be hanging out with the director in the VIP section.

So maybe I'm a big deal after all. Yeah, right. I guess *this* is what it's like to live in LA. Surreal.

where to get skanky sweaters

Lately I've been going to a lot of special events where everyone is beautiful and dresses hip. So last week I headed over to my local f0rever2I to pick up some hipster fashion.

[In case you're not familiar, f0rever2I is chock-full of cheap clothes, mostly geared toward the club-going college/high-school crowd. Since it's so cheap, it doesn't matter that half of the clothes disintegrate after one wearing.(They also stock some "doo doo fashion".)]

I had forgotten how skanky the fashions can be at F0rever2I. I picked up a cute looking shirt and then realized it was a dress -- and it was size "large". They sold "jackets" that didn't have sleeves and only covered a portion of what should be covered by an item of clothing. Everything was shiny and sparkly and tight. Even the cardigan sweaters were skanked up. I know, how do you make a sweater look slutty? Ask the people at this store.

I also saw a bunch of mothers and daughters shopping together at this store. A woman who looked at least in her 40s was shopping with her teenaged/colleged aged daughter and they were both buying the same slutty sweaters and mini dresses. I guess that's LA for you.

After a quick scan of the mostly slutty merchandise I bought the least-skanky shirt I could find and got the heck out of there.