missed a chance to walk on the street with 500 thousand other people
I missed the largest rally in LA's history to work on my client project. :( [another reason why my client project has become the bane of my existence]
It looked AMAZING... There were 500K people in the streets of LA to [peacefully!!] protest HR4437, the bill that would make it a felony to be an illegal immigrant and criminalize clergy, medical professionals and anyone who has contact with an illegal immigrants -- including familiy members. Additionally it would fund a huge ass fence around the southern border. I agree there needs to be immigration reform, but man, this bill has some major civil rights issues and is a humane way to reform our system.
http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-immigration26mar26,0,6454895.story?coll=la-home-headlines
3/23/2006
I'm almost done with finals and man, is it tough. It's not that the project are hard, it's just that I'm so burnt out. I am actually thinking about turning in one of my projects a day earlier just because I don't feel like working on it, even though I could do more. I found out the project is due Fri, not tomorrow (or today as it's already in the AM) but it makes no difference since I couldn't really care less. This is a huge deal for me as I like to obsess over things until they're perfect. I'm just so tired I can't even think.
Tomorrow SpicyThai and I are meeting with our advisor to talk about our "options" for the project. I get tense just thinking about it. I am so sad that this project makes me feel this way.
Blllllaaaaaaahhhhhhhh.
Tomorrow SpicyThai and I are meeting with our advisor to talk about our "options" for the project. I get tense just thinking about it. I am so sad that this project makes me feel this way.
Blllllaaaaaaahhhhhhhh.
3/20/2006
no, this is not about my thesis project
I'm back (although you probably didn't know I was gone). After pulling an all nighter for our project, then engaging in some retail therapy (of which I still need to put in a few more sessions) I took a 1 day break from sitting at my dining room table doing school work to head up north for my great-aunt's funeral. She was my grandmother's closest sister (of 9 bros/sis!). I remember when my grandmother died, my great aunt was there and was a great comfort to my mom as well as my sister and I. It was sad saying good-bye, but she was in so much pain that it was better for her to be at rest. Although funerals are typically supposed to be sad, this one became a happy reunion of sorts for my mom and her gazillion cousins. It was fun to see her cousins and to see second cousins. I realized I have a lot of distant relatives that I don't know. Most of them don't look anything like me or my sister so if I passed them on the street I wouldn't know they were related. I think my mom wants us all to meet in some huge second cousin reunion. I'm sure there's like 30 of us at least.
Saturday's event was a whirlwind of eating and eating Chinese food -- the funeral was a "break" from our meals. I felt sort of sick that evening but went to the in-laws place to hang and ended up eating and then going out for dessert with friends. It was a really nice break, even if it was only a 23 hour trip.
I'm back at the table, trying to finish up 2 final projects before heading back into the thesis project. I'm excited to work on this project because it's a legitimate break from our thesis project. How sad is that?
I'm back (although you probably didn't know I was gone). After pulling an all nighter for our project, then engaging in some retail therapy (of which I still need to put in a few more sessions) I took a 1 day break from sitting at my dining room table doing school work to head up north for my great-aunt's funeral. She was my grandmother's closest sister (of 9 bros/sis!). I remember when my grandmother died, my great aunt was there and was a great comfort to my mom as well as my sister and I. It was sad saying good-bye, but she was in so much pain that it was better for her to be at rest. Although funerals are typically supposed to be sad, this one became a happy reunion of sorts for my mom and her gazillion cousins. It was fun to see her cousins and to see second cousins. I realized I have a lot of distant relatives that I don't know. Most of them don't look anything like me or my sister so if I passed them on the street I wouldn't know they were related. I think my mom wants us all to meet in some huge second cousin reunion. I'm sure there's like 30 of us at least.
Saturday's event was a whirlwind of eating and eating Chinese food -- the funeral was a "break" from our meals. I felt sort of sick that evening but went to the in-laws place to hang and ended up eating and then going out for dessert with friends. It was a really nice break, even if it was only a 23 hour trip.
I'm back at the table, trying to finish up 2 final projects before heading back into the thesis project. I'm excited to work on this project because it's a legitimate break from our thesis project. How sad is that?
3/16/2006
no sleep 'till it's done
Last night was my first grad school all-nighter. Our rough draft was due today and S-Thai and I worked like crazy. I am too old to stay up all night. This past few weeks has been filled with a lot group thesis project drama. I think we're headed for a break-up but it's going to be messy. Who's going to get the kids (aka the paper sections)? How do we handle "joint" custody?
Last night was my first grad school all-nighter. Our rough draft was due today and S-Thai and I worked like crazy. I am too old to stay up all night. This past few weeks has been filled with a lot group thesis project drama. I think we're headed for a break-up but it's going to be messy. Who's going to get the kids (aka the paper sections)? How do we handle "joint" custody?
3/13/2006
tick tick tick
68 hours until the rough draft of our group client project draft is due. Apparently my male group members are sweating bullets -- as well they should be. Spicy Thai and I are doing quite well although much is to be done and I'm going to take this deadline as an opportunity to make this project as kick ass as is possible given that S-Thai and I have been forced to take on the roles of project managers/hand-holders/fire-lighters-under-asses/task-masters. Neither of us want this job, but unfortunately this is the only way to get work done. And can I just tell you how much I dislike managing projects that are supposed to be "group" projects. It's like someone hiring you to be part of your "team" and then dumping all the work on you. These guys brought us into this project and we've ended up driving the process.
Another one of our classmates (also in our strong, short Asian woman gang) is doing a similar project to ours and has inadvertently become our support system. I've tried to hold back from complaining about our group dynamics from people outside our group, but I find that she understands our dilemma and is one of "us". That being asid, I think we are helping her feel better about deciding to do her client project solo. Today I was talking to a first year about our group project and she was like, thats really cool, I didn't know you could do the project in a group! And I said, yeah you can... but don't do it.
68 hours until the rough draft of our group client project draft is due. Apparently my male group members are sweating bullets -- as well they should be. Spicy Thai and I are doing quite well although much is to be done and I'm going to take this deadline as an opportunity to make this project as kick ass as is possible given that S-Thai and I have been forced to take on the roles of project managers/hand-holders/fire-lighters-under-asses/task-masters. Neither of us want this job, but unfortunately this is the only way to get work done. And can I just tell you how much I dislike managing projects that are supposed to be "group" projects. It's like someone hiring you to be part of your "team" and then dumping all the work on you. These guys brought us into this project and we've ended up driving the process.
Another one of our classmates (also in our strong, short Asian woman gang) is doing a similar project to ours and has inadvertently become our support system. I've tried to hold back from complaining about our group dynamics from people outside our group, but I find that she understands our dilemma and is one of "us". That being asid, I think we are helping her feel better about deciding to do her client project solo. Today I was talking to a first year about our group project and she was like, thats really cool, I didn't know you could do the project in a group! And I said, yeah you can... but don't do it.
3/11/2006
3/09/2006
7 days
It's T-minus 7 days until the rough draft of our group thesis project is due, and it's not going well. What I mean by "not well" is that we've been going through a rough patch, which some might say is our "storming" phase. I've begun to think of our group as a relationship, one that is not going so well, but we stay in, because we want to make it work so bad. You all know what I'm talking about. So we've been having some intense DTRs. We've talked about changing our ways, getting better, communicating more, initiating more and *gasp* breaking up. See? It is like being in a dating relationship... and it's more like being in a dysfunctional relationship. I'm ready to break up, but my partner in crime (not Minsoo, but my friend, "spicy thai") who is helping me get through it.
One of the most challenging aspects of this whole process is working with someone who seems to be intimidated by me. Yeah, I know intimidated (I hear the laughter). The funny thing is, it's my SIZE that intimidates him. Apparently he's intimidated by short people. At the beginning, I was like, haha and I would joke around by saying "boo!", pretending to scare him. Now I really think it's affecting our work. It's possible that his expectations/characterization of what I'm (and the other female in the group) supposed to be like as a small Asian woman is proving a challenge for him in working with us. As I reflect on our conversations, I realized that he does comment on my gender, ethnicity and size in relation to whatever quality he sees in me (i.e. "Boy, you're an empowered Asian woman!"). And while initially this might seem complementary, I realize that I am also labeled in these instances and that maybe I am exceptions to the rules of women that he already has in his head. It troubles me because while I know it comes into play in the way he interacts with us, I refuse to fit into his mold of what I should be in order ot make him feel better or more comfortable. I've worked too hard to learn how to find my voice and speak my mind. I realize that I need to be careful with what I say, but that doesn't mean not being honest and saying what I need to say.
Anyway, F-r-u-s-t-r-a-t-i-n-g. An understatement.
It's T-minus 7 days until the rough draft of our group thesis project is due, and it's not going well. What I mean by "not well" is that we've been going through a rough patch, which some might say is our "storming" phase. I've begun to think of our group as a relationship, one that is not going so well, but we stay in, because we want to make it work so bad. You all know what I'm talking about. So we've been having some intense DTRs. We've talked about changing our ways, getting better, communicating more, initiating more and *gasp* breaking up. See? It is like being in a dating relationship... and it's more like being in a dysfunctional relationship. I'm ready to break up, but my partner in crime (not Minsoo, but my friend, "spicy thai") who is helping me get through it.
One of the most challenging aspects of this whole process is working with someone who seems to be intimidated by me. Yeah, I know intimidated (I hear the laughter). The funny thing is, it's my SIZE that intimidates him. Apparently he's intimidated by short people. At the beginning, I was like, haha and I would joke around by saying "boo!", pretending to scare him. Now I really think it's affecting our work. It's possible that his expectations/characterization of what I'm (and the other female in the group) supposed to be like as a small Asian woman is proving a challenge for him in working with us. As I reflect on our conversations, I realized that he does comment on my gender, ethnicity and size in relation to whatever quality he sees in me (i.e. "Boy, you're an empowered Asian woman!"). And while initially this might seem complementary, I realize that I am also labeled in these instances and that maybe I am exceptions to the rules of women that he already has in his head. It troubles me because while I know it comes into play in the way he interacts with us, I refuse to fit into his mold of what I should be in order ot make him feel better or more comfortable. I've worked too hard to learn how to find my voice and speak my mind. I realize that I need to be careful with what I say, but that doesn't mean not being honest and saying what I need to say.
Anyway, F-r-u-s-t-r-a-t-i-n-g. An understatement.
3/05/2006
like toast
I've been feeling very Jessie-Spano-on-no-doze lately. I work like a maniac, but there's still more to be done. I sleep out of necessity, but I don't rest. I eat, but I don't feel satisfied. Dealing with my group thesis project has made me feel like I'm in PA all over again, struggling to apply all of the group process know-how and communication skills I learned oh-so many years ago. I wish I still had a program manager so I could process and discuss and gain some perspective. I've also taken to chanting to myself "keep it together, keep it together" (from bowfinger_) and baking/eating an exorbitant amount of baked goods. Additionally, I don't feel happy about school like I normally do and this is distressing. My nerdom is usually unstoppable but this project has really worn me down.
I'm burnt out.
I've been feeling very Jessie-Spano-on-no-doze lately. I work like a maniac, but there's still more to be done. I sleep out of necessity, but I don't rest. I eat, but I don't feel satisfied. Dealing with my group thesis project has made me feel like I'm in PA all over again, struggling to apply all of the group process know-how and communication skills I learned oh-so many years ago. I wish I still had a program manager so I could process and discuss and gain some perspective. I've also taken to chanting to myself "keep it together, keep it together" (from bowfinger_) and baking/eating an exorbitant amount of baked goods. Additionally, I don't feel happy about school like I normally do and this is distressing. My nerdom is usually unstoppable but this project has really worn me down.
I'm burnt out.
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