freed
It's true that when you finally throw up your hands and ask God to do His work, He does. Today my executive director said that because of Americorps funding issues and other paperwork, I will not be held responsible for the botched payroll paperwork. Yes, this means I have been freed from my indentured servitude to the Y. It's a miracle because I spent most of last week depressed, as I explored my options (getting a starbucks-type job to pay off my current job, paying off the debt and moving home, etc.) and realized that I was screwed. Howeverf, I spent this week in intense play with 4-6th graders as a part of my servitude. I haven't had the opportunity to rest, let alone think about my financial situation. It's amazing how God takes care of things when you're not even looking. *sigh*
6/26/2003
6/25/2003
the r word
I think the kids in my team know how to make me mad. Last week one of the kids i have a love-hate relationship with, called me racist. WHAT!?? I promptly made him take a time out and go speak to the program director. Uh-huh. You do NOT call me racist. On Wednesday, I was with a different team of kids and another guy called me racist because I was making him sit out (and therefore, being too critical of him because he's part ASIAN!) I had a long talk with him and later on, he realized the error of his ways and "retracted" his statement.
What is up with this? Do I exude the anti-racist vibe? I almost lost my cookies when they said these things. I think what bothers me the most is that they use this statement only to express their frustration. I don't even think these kids realize that racism still exists and instead, use the term as a way to express how something is unfair to them. If nothing else, I hope they understand that this claim must be used carefully in anger. I can't wait to see what they pull on me this week.
I think the kids in my team know how to make me mad. Last week one of the kids i have a love-hate relationship with, called me racist. WHAT!?? I promptly made him take a time out and go speak to the program director. Uh-huh. You do NOT call me racist. On Wednesday, I was with a different team of kids and another guy called me racist because I was making him sit out (and therefore, being too critical of him because he's part ASIAN!) I had a long talk with him and later on, he realized the error of his ways and "retracted" his statement.
What is up with this? Do I exude the anti-racist vibe? I almost lost my cookies when they said these things. I think what bothers me the most is that they use this statement only to express their frustration. I don't even think these kids realize that racism still exists and instead, use the term as a way to express how something is unfair to them. If nothing else, I hope they understand that this claim must be used carefully in anger. I can't wait to see what they pull on me this week.
6/21/2003
HP5
I purchased my copy of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix last night. My friends and I arrived at Barnes and Noble at around midnight to a line, wrapped around the building and no parking spaces. Once we made it to the front of the line inside the store, we received a sticker with a letter of the alphabet attached. We had to hang out in the store until our number was called. Then we got to stand in yet another line to wait to get the book. I almost passed out in the spirituality aisle waiting for the letter M to be called. It was madness. I was so tired that when I got home at around 2am, I just dumped the book, still in the bag, on the floor of my bedroom.
Was it worth it? Well, let me put it this way: This morning there was a knock at the door. Since I've decided that I will no longer answer an unexpected knock (Who knows if it's the cable company or someone wanting me to learn about dianetics?), I didn't rush to the door. A few minutes later, I opened the door and found a box on our doorstep. The package was for my roommate from Amazon.com... and yes, you guessed it, it was HP5. This is when waved my fist and I asked myself, "Why did you stay up so late and wait in those long lines to get a book you could have gotten the next morning delivered to your doorstep?" So back to the question... the answer? No, not really. The book is still sitting on my floor and now I'm just really tired.
I purchased my copy of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix last night. My friends and I arrived at Barnes and Noble at around midnight to a line, wrapped around the building and no parking spaces. Once we made it to the front of the line inside the store, we received a sticker with a letter of the alphabet attached. We had to hang out in the store until our number was called. Then we got to stand in yet another line to wait to get the book. I almost passed out in the spirituality aisle waiting for the letter M to be called. It was madness. I was so tired that when I got home at around 2am, I just dumped the book, still in the bag, on the floor of my bedroom.
Was it worth it? Well, let me put it this way: This morning there was a knock at the door. Since I've decided that I will no longer answer an unexpected knock (Who knows if it's the cable company or someone wanting me to learn about dianetics?), I didn't rush to the door. A few minutes later, I opened the door and found a box on our doorstep. The package was for my roommate from Amazon.com... and yes, you guessed it, it was HP5. This is when waved my fist and I asked myself, "Why did you stay up so late and wait in those long lines to get a book you could have gotten the next morning delivered to your doorstep?" So back to the question... the answer? No, not really. The book is still sitting on my floor and now I'm just really tired.
6/16/2003
yet another post from another angst-ridden 20-something wondering why her life is so hard *sigh*
"What we have before us are some breathtaking opportunities disguised as insoluble problems." -- John Gardner, in a 1965 speech.
Yes, I've resorted to using quotes instead of my own words to describe what has been going on in my life. Lately I've been at a loss to describe some of the challenges that have been put before me. And part of me is ashamed for being so self-indulgent about these problems as I know that there are people out there who face larger issues in their lives. I suppose my seemingly "insoluble problems" are nothing in comparison with real conflicts that others face all over the world (i.e. Poverty, war and death).
So I guess this quote doesn't really fit my problems, rather, it fits my perspective on my problems. And I guess it's appropriate for this blog... Well, I suppose blogs are just spaces for us to be really self-indulgent while pretending to expound on the ways of the world and the woes of being 20-something. (As I place the back of my hand on my forehead and sigh dramatically). Am I renouncing the blog as simply a tool to express one's psychosis? Well, yes... and no. Yes, because I recognize that sometimes, I am crazy and I need a place to get rid of the crazies. No, because I am not only crazy, but a frustrated journalist who needs some place to keep her writing skills sharp.
While I'm at it, does that mean that this post I just wrote is even more self-indulgent because of the fact that I'm aware at the nature of blogging? Ai-yah, I will stop now.
"What we have before us are some breathtaking opportunities disguised as insoluble problems." -- John Gardner, in a 1965 speech.
Yes, I've resorted to using quotes instead of my own words to describe what has been going on in my life. Lately I've been at a loss to describe some of the challenges that have been put before me. And part of me is ashamed for being so self-indulgent about these problems as I know that there are people out there who face larger issues in their lives. I suppose my seemingly "insoluble problems" are nothing in comparison with real conflicts that others face all over the world (i.e. Poverty, war and death).
So I guess this quote doesn't really fit my problems, rather, it fits my perspective on my problems. And I guess it's appropriate for this blog... Well, I suppose blogs are just spaces for us to be really self-indulgent while pretending to expound on the ways of the world and the woes of being 20-something. (As I place the back of my hand on my forehead and sigh dramatically). Am I renouncing the blog as simply a tool to express one's psychosis? Well, yes... and no. Yes, because I recognize that sometimes, I am crazy and I need a place to get rid of the crazies. No, because I am not only crazy, but a frustrated journalist who needs some place to keep her writing skills sharp.
While I'm at it, does that mean that this post I just wrote is even more self-indulgent because of the fact that I'm aware at the nature of blogging? Ai-yah, I will stop now.
6/10/2003
do i really want to rake the muck?
As a journalism major, there's one section in every publication that I can't get enough of: the masthead. This is the page with the list of editors, contributing writers and people who do neat stuff to the magazine and make it look good. Of course, the "contributing editors" page where they feature the guest writers and their nifty bios is also another favorite of mine. One of the first things I do when I buy a new periodical is to scan the cover for bylines. Next, I flip carefully through the annoying ads at the beginning, making sure I don't skip a page with text. Then I flip to the list of names. I stop to scan the list, hoping (and dreading) that I will see a name of a former classmate from j-school or a friend of a friend who does the freelance thang. Then I let out a sigh and move on.
I think this obsession - yes, I'll admit it - is not so healthy. I don't think I do this to actually find my j-school buddies (in reality, most of my j-school buddies hated journalism and ended up pursuing consulting or PR), but I guess as sort of a masochistic desire to remind myself of my perceived failure to become the brilliant journalist that everyone thought I'd become.
Why bring this up? I was just reading the bios for a new Asian American magazine and I recognized two classmates from journalism school, both with impressive bios. Feelings of envy, regret and bitterness surfaced. Then I though, "Hey, why not post this up on blogger? Angst is always good fodder for a blog entry." (Sarcasm is good fodder also.)
So yes, I'll shout it out to the world (or rather, I'll type it out so my 7 friends can read it): I feel like a journalism failure.
I know you all gasped. It's true, folks. I could go on, but I won't. I realize that this feeling of failure is often momentary as I like to push it into the deep caverns of my mind, where it can stew and simmer until the next time I read a well-respected periodical.
As a journalism major, there's one section in every publication that I can't get enough of: the masthead. This is the page with the list of editors, contributing writers and people who do neat stuff to the magazine and make it look good. Of course, the "contributing editors" page where they feature the guest writers and their nifty bios is also another favorite of mine. One of the first things I do when I buy a new periodical is to scan the cover for bylines. Next, I flip carefully through the annoying ads at the beginning, making sure I don't skip a page with text. Then I flip to the list of names. I stop to scan the list, hoping (and dreading) that I will see a name of a former classmate from j-school or a friend of a friend who does the freelance thang. Then I let out a sigh and move on.
I think this obsession - yes, I'll admit it - is not so healthy. I don't think I do this to actually find my j-school buddies (in reality, most of my j-school buddies hated journalism and ended up pursuing consulting or PR), but I guess as sort of a masochistic desire to remind myself of my perceived failure to become the brilliant journalist that everyone thought I'd become.
Why bring this up? I was just reading the bios for a new Asian American magazine and I recognized two classmates from journalism school, both with impressive bios. Feelings of envy, regret and bitterness surfaced. Then I though, "Hey, why not post this up on blogger? Angst is always good fodder for a blog entry." (Sarcasm is good fodder also.)
So yes, I'll shout it out to the world (or rather, I'll type it out so my 7 friends can read it): I feel like a journalism failure.
I know you all gasped. It's true, folks. I could go on, but I won't. I realize that this feeling of failure is often momentary as I like to push it into the deep caverns of my mind, where it can stew and simmer until the next time I read a well-respected periodical.
6/06/2003
delicious ambiguity
"I wanted a perfect ending... Now, I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity." -- Gilda Radner.
"I wanted a perfect ending... Now, I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity." -- Gilda Radner.
6/04/2003
ode to minsoo
It's been three years since minsoo and I decided to "go steady". For all of you who thought that this wouldn't last, I just want to let you know that the minsoo years (as I like to call our dating period) have been quite amazing. It's been amazing because I'm amazed that minsoo has been able to stay with me despite my 6 moves, 3 jobs, lots of crying on the phone, 1 ceiling caving in and a number of other catastrophes that has plagued "the minsoo years." He's been super supportive and has gone above and beyond the call of boyfriend duty so many times. He's woken up at 6am on Christmas morning to help me organize a meals on wheels delivery, created CDs for me at the drop of a hat, delivered food when I'm working late and been at almost everyone one of the events for the kids I work with (even trying the homemade brownies they made).
Anyway, it has been three long years. I'm glad I've had minsoo by my side.
It's been three years since minsoo and I decided to "go steady". For all of you who thought that this wouldn't last, I just want to let you know that the minsoo years (as I like to call our dating period) have been quite amazing. It's been amazing because I'm amazed that minsoo has been able to stay with me despite my 6 moves, 3 jobs, lots of crying on the phone, 1 ceiling caving in and a number of other catastrophes that has plagued "the minsoo years." He's been super supportive and has gone above and beyond the call of boyfriend duty so many times. He's woken up at 6am on Christmas morning to help me organize a meals on wheels delivery, created CDs for me at the drop of a hat, delivered food when I'm working late and been at almost everyone one of the events for the kids I work with (even trying the homemade brownies they made).
Anyway, it has been three long years. I'm glad I've had minsoo by my side.
6/01/2003
forgot the party favor, too
Chicago was a whirlwind of friends, weddings (both the one I attended and talk of future plans for my pals) and no sleep. Minsoo and I stayed up late with pals and then took a two hour nap before heading to O'Hare to catch a 6am flight home. My head is sort of spinning, both from the lack of sleep and from the conversations I had this weekend. I'll fill you in when I get some shut-eye.
Chicago was a whirlwind of friends, weddings (both the one I attended and talk of future plans for my pals) and no sleep. Minsoo and I stayed up late with pals and then took a two hour nap before heading to O'Hare to catch a 6am flight home. My head is sort of spinning, both from the lack of sleep and from the conversations I had this weekend. I'll fill you in when I get some shut-eye.
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