the light's on but no one's home
I apologize for the somewhat lifeless posts recently. It's not that I don't have enough muse in my life. In fact it's the abundance of topics that contributes to my lack of creative prose. I'm still struggling with processing all of the events. I can't even begin to write about them in a way that conveys what I've been going through. Maybe I'm just being lazy.
I promise I will return soon with more witty and thought-provoking prose. For right now, you'll just have to do with a bunch of semi-coherent posts.
9/29/2002
9/28/2002
camp anytown
From last Wednesday to Saturday, I was a camp counselor for a diversity camp which brings a diverse set of students from one high school per camp (ex. the head cheerleader, the valedictorian, the head of the nerdy group, the head of the Asian clique, the leader of the Latino group etc.) together to talk about racism, sexism and how everyone at their school can, in Rodney King's words, "all get along." My program director decided that it would be useful for a few of the staff to be counselors right before the start of our program. I wasn't very excited as I felt that the time might be better spent helping to plan our own program. Nevertheless, I had an amazing time with students from a pretty ritzy Palo Alto high school...
My formal and informal duties as camp counselor were:
- Making sure everyone in my cabin was accounted for
- Debriefing the days activities (aka letting them vent or cry about the days activities)
- Facilitating discussion groups and activities
Among the most memorable experiences at camp:
1. Watching the students react to lists of racial slurs and stereotypes written about their group by their peers (They had been asked to list all of the messages they'd heard aout that specific ethnic group). Some cried, some laughed and some were angry. This activity was meant to put out these hurtful terms on the table for discussion and to build empathy among the group. This is where the white girl drama began and the Latino and Black minorities clung together.
2. After our sexism activities, seeing the guys breaking down after realizing that the messages about women they know and share with others have hurt and degrated women (including their sisters and mothers and friends sitting in the room). Another intense moment was when some girls admitted they had been sexually assaulted. It was definitely an eye-opener for these 14-17 old guys.
3. The invisible wall that was built up around the Latino and Black/African-American students saddened me. Their voices were drowned out by the "white girl drama" during discussion times. While the White girls shared their guilt and somewhat misplaced injustice in their affluent lives, the other minority students were silenced. I feel like some of them walked away feeling as if they hadn't learned anything new. The camp is supposed to inspire the students to return to campus and bridge those social divides. Some of them did not look inspired and that saddened me a lot. I understand that the white kids were really growing and coming to understand this issues (as they might have been the most blind), however, the experiences that needed to be heard were not shared.
4. "Cultural Sharing" night. I help lead the Asian American skit. Memorable moments include yours truly rowing in a boat to America. Stereotypes were on full display. The most offense skit I've ever witnessed: The Mixed European group did a skit based around the oh-so controversial Pilgrims and Indians dinner. They spent most of the time making fun of Native Americans instead of their own culture. So offensive and inappropriate. It made me doubt the effectiveness of this reknowned diversity camp.
5. Hugging, so much hugging. Our camp loved the hug. The staff demonstrated the proper hug for us to use. I... just... couldn't... stop... hugging.
6. Despite it all, many of the students went home with powerful lessons learned and some thoughts to chew on. My hope is that the learning continues from here. It was profound to see the students struggle with this issue and then realize how far I had come in my understanding of racism and sexism since high school. The Asian American kids initially disturbed me when I learned how some of them bought into the "Model Minority" and other stereotypes that takes away power and the voice of our race. However I remember my non-existent Asian American consciousness at age 16.
There was a lot of crying, a lot of anger and a lot of "why did they make us do this?" I'm not sure whether these students will walk away changed but I know that at least for 4 days they were allowed to step away from the pressures of school and be different.
From last Wednesday to Saturday, I was a camp counselor for a diversity camp which brings a diverse set of students from one high school per camp (ex. the head cheerleader, the valedictorian, the head of the nerdy group, the head of the Asian clique, the leader of the Latino group etc.) together to talk about racism, sexism and how everyone at their school can, in Rodney King's words, "all get along." My program director decided that it would be useful for a few of the staff to be counselors right before the start of our program. I wasn't very excited as I felt that the time might be better spent helping to plan our own program. Nevertheless, I had an amazing time with students from a pretty ritzy Palo Alto high school...
My formal and informal duties as camp counselor were:
- Making sure everyone in my cabin was accounted for
- Debriefing the days activities (aka letting them vent or cry about the days activities)
- Facilitating discussion groups and activities
Among the most memorable experiences at camp:
1. Watching the students react to lists of racial slurs and stereotypes written about their group by their peers (They had been asked to list all of the messages they'd heard aout that specific ethnic group). Some cried, some laughed and some were angry. This activity was meant to put out these hurtful terms on the table for discussion and to build empathy among the group. This is where the white girl drama began and the Latino and Black minorities clung together.
2. After our sexism activities, seeing the guys breaking down after realizing that the messages about women they know and share with others have hurt and degrated women (including their sisters and mothers and friends sitting in the room). Another intense moment was when some girls admitted they had been sexually assaulted. It was definitely an eye-opener for these 14-17 old guys.
3. The invisible wall that was built up around the Latino and Black/African-American students saddened me. Their voices were drowned out by the "white girl drama" during discussion times. While the White girls shared their guilt and somewhat misplaced injustice in their affluent lives, the other minority students were silenced. I feel like some of them walked away feeling as if they hadn't learned anything new. The camp is supposed to inspire the students to return to campus and bridge those social divides. Some of them did not look inspired and that saddened me a lot. I understand that the white kids were really growing and coming to understand this issues (as they might have been the most blind), however, the experiences that needed to be heard were not shared.
4. "Cultural Sharing" night. I help lead the Asian American skit. Memorable moments include yours truly rowing in a boat to America. Stereotypes were on full display. The most offense skit I've ever witnessed: The Mixed European group did a skit based around the oh-so controversial Pilgrims and Indians dinner. They spent most of the time making fun of Native Americans instead of their own culture. So offensive and inappropriate. It made me doubt the effectiveness of this reknowned diversity camp.
5. Hugging, so much hugging. Our camp loved the hug. The staff demonstrated the proper hug for us to use. I... just... couldn't... stop... hugging.
6. Despite it all, many of the students went home with powerful lessons learned and some thoughts to chew on. My hope is that the learning continues from here. It was profound to see the students struggle with this issue and then realize how far I had come in my understanding of racism and sexism since high school. The Asian American kids initially disturbed me when I learned how some of them bought into the "Model Minority" and other stereotypes that takes away power and the voice of our race. However I remember my non-existent Asian American consciousness at age 16.
There was a lot of crying, a lot of anger and a lot of "why did they make us do this?" I'm not sure whether these students will walk away changed but I know that at least for 4 days they were allowed to step away from the pressures of school and be different.
9/25/2002
one of those days
Sometimes I wonder whether I made the right decision to devote a year or two to working with young people. Today was one of those days that made me want to ditch the field of education altogether. I was ready to strangle a few of those little disrespectful ingrates. I kept thinking to myself, maybe I do hate kids as much as I jokingly claim I do. Props to my mom (an elementary school teacher), whom I gain more respect for as each day passes.
Oh and by the way, it's day three of my afterschool program. We've only just begun.
Sometimes I wonder whether I made the right decision to devote a year or two to working with young people. Today was one of those days that made me want to ditch the field of education altogether. I was ready to strangle a few of those little disrespectful ingrates. I kept thinking to myself, maybe I do hate kids as much as I jokingly claim I do. Props to my mom (an elementary school teacher), whom I gain more respect for as each day passes.
Oh and by the way, it's day three of my afterschool program. We've only just begun.
9/15/2002
random thoughts
Some things that I've become consumed with (ugh, I need better hobbies):
- My new palm pilot. A VERY nice birthday gift from my favorite Minsoo. I've substituted sleep for playing solitaire.
- My joints. My body makes funny cracking noises when I move around. Sometimes I feel like I'm dislocating a body part when I move. This isn't healthy.
- New mode of transportation. There's been rumors that the Parental units are going to help me upgrade my broke down car. We'll see.
- China. I'm going in October. My friend told me I'm going to smell like China when I come back. Apparently "China" kinda smells like being in a Chinese church. Ah, the fragrance of the orient...
- Flipflops. I have a lot of Sandals. So comfy but not very professional (which is weird considering I work at the stinkin' YMCA)
- Sarcasm. Those blasted kids bring out the best in me.
Some things that I've become consumed with (ugh, I need better hobbies):
- My new palm pilot. A VERY nice birthday gift from my favorite Minsoo. I've substituted sleep for playing solitaire.
- My joints. My body makes funny cracking noises when I move around. Sometimes I feel like I'm dislocating a body part when I move. This isn't healthy.
- New mode of transportation. There's been rumors that the Parental units are going to help me upgrade my broke down car. We'll see.
- China. I'm going in October. My friend told me I'm going to smell like China when I come back. Apparently "China" kinda smells like being in a Chinese church. Ah, the fragrance of the orient...
- Flipflops. I have a lot of Sandals. So comfy but not very professional (which is weird considering I work at the stinkin' YMCA)
- Sarcasm. Those blasted kids bring out the best in me.
9/11/2002
what did yoda say about fear?
It's been a hectic day. I had planned on sharing with you my crazy day trying to recruit kids to our afterschool program and convince the parents to shell out the dough. However, I guess September 11th is upon us and I must comment.
I didn't write about it one year ago. I was still processing it all and I guess I still am. While today is definitely a time of remembering and mourning, I also feel like it's a day when we realize how human we all are. Anyway, I have many issues with what has arisen out of this tragedy. I'm unwilling to embracing the nationalistic pride that may turn into a distrust of anyone who may look like a "foreigner". I'm afraid of what being "American" will come to mean when we give up our civil liberties to feel safe. I'm encouraged by the spiritual awakening that many people have experienced, but I fear the hate groups that may take advantage of this to push their propaganda. I guess I fear that history will repeat itself, like it always does.
I'm still thankful to be an American and I'm thankful that I can post these ideas and not be arrested for not being loyal to my country. But I have a lot of reservations and a lot of reasons why I will never say "God bless America" in the way that it's been tossed around this past year. There's more to say but I'm not sure how to say it and and I'm not sure I've got it all sorted out yet.
It's been a hectic day. I had planned on sharing with you my crazy day trying to recruit kids to our afterschool program and convince the parents to shell out the dough. However, I guess September 11th is upon us and I must comment.
I didn't write about it one year ago. I was still processing it all and I guess I still am. While today is definitely a time of remembering and mourning, I also feel like it's a day when we realize how human we all are. Anyway, I have many issues with what has arisen out of this tragedy. I'm unwilling to embracing the nationalistic pride that may turn into a distrust of anyone who may look like a "foreigner". I'm afraid of what being "American" will come to mean when we give up our civil liberties to feel safe. I'm encouraged by the spiritual awakening that many people have experienced, but I fear the hate groups that may take advantage of this to push their propaganda. I guess I fear that history will repeat itself, like it always does.
I'm still thankful to be an American and I'm thankful that I can post these ideas and not be arrested for not being loyal to my country. But I have a lot of reservations and a lot of reasons why I will never say "God bless America" in the way that it's been tossed around this past year. There's more to say but I'm not sure how to say it and and I'm not sure I've got it all sorted out yet.
9/07/2002
all growns up
While I'd like to think that turning 24 today (or yesterday as it's AM now) has transformed me into a mature-looking adult, I think it's just a coincidence that in the past few days, I've ordered alcoholic drinks and not been carded by any of the bartenders/waitresses that have taken my order. Am I starting to look like a real adult? Will people stop asking me when I'm going to graduate from high school?
Okay, I guess we have to balance out these incidences with the fact that a middle schooler's parent asked me which grade I was in ("6th, 7th or 8th? Oh, high school?") and the school secretary said that I looked just like one of the students.
Too many quarterlife crisis issues. I appreciate my youth, but dude, sometimes it's hard. So for all you old folks out there: give us young'uns a break.
While I'd like to think that turning 24 today (or yesterday as it's AM now) has transformed me into a mature-looking adult, I think it's just a coincidence that in the past few days, I've ordered alcoholic drinks and not been carded by any of the bartenders/waitresses that have taken my order. Am I starting to look like a real adult? Will people stop asking me when I'm going to graduate from high school?
Okay, I guess we have to balance out these incidences with the fact that a middle schooler's parent asked me which grade I was in ("6th, 7th or 8th? Oh, high school?") and the school secretary said that I looked just like one of the students.
Too many quarterlife crisis issues. I appreciate my youth, but dude, sometimes it's hard. So for all you old folks out there: give us young'uns a break.
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